Time For The Annual Count

So I got out my secret calendar to tally up my 2012 sexual activity with my wife. I think it qualifies as sexless, though I understand that many have it worse than I do. To summarize, I'm in my early 40's, my wife is in her early 30's. I am pretty attractive, very fit, and could do it (or have some acts of sex, affection or hot action) every day if given the chance. I have admitted size limitations, and owing to a lack of practice, I now have admitted premature *********** issues and firmness issues, owing to a lack of practice, plus intentional training on my part to get the job done quickly when called into action. I am otherwise uninhibited and imaginative, and have kept many past lovers well satisfied based on the total package I bring to bed. Just not my wife.

She is a total exotic knockout with a wonderfully hard yet curvy body, big dark eyes, brown skin, shiny jet black hair, and all that - a true South Asian beauty with all kinds of advanced college degrees. She just hates sex with me, never had any action with anyone else, and was devistated by my suggestion that she try another man on for size to maybe thaw her frigid ******. We went over a year and a half without penetrational sex during her pregnancy and after (our child was about ten months old when we first ****** after pregnancy). She pretty much is too prudish to discuss our problems as well. But, I'm still crazy about her. Always will be. Maybe this is fueled by deprivation. Anyway . . .

The count: 24 total sex acts, that includes times where I just give her oral until she **** and she leaves me high and dry, times where she just let me jerk myself off on her tummy or ***, and times where we actually ******.

16 ***** - and as I have trained myself to premature ********* that means about 5 minutes or less of actual ******* for the whole year. That's once every 22 days or so.

3 - oral for her, where I get her off but we don't go further (she always **** first, so some of these would have been interruptions, in fairness).

5 jerk sessions for me.

Total: 24 events per year, or some action every 15 days on average.

Now keep in mind that some come in groups - like a vacation where I would get to jerk off and **** her a couple times in the same week, so I have several 6 to 7 week stretches with no action whatsoever.

Keeping in mind I would have some action every day if I could. . . and that I seek it and am rejected pretty much every day. . . .

How does this count compare with the rest of you?

Is it worse that my wife is smokin' hot and looks like she's 25 (i.e., is not a fat sloppy woman who let herself go), or should her hotness give her a pass on frequency? Do you guys who do it at my rate but with women you have to admit are not very hot to anyone else think my 1 bad sex session with a 9 is worth your 4.5 good sessions with a 2?

Do I belong in this group with these numbers?

Anyway, I welcome all comments. Thanks.

Thanks y'all.
crankdingo crankdingo
41-45, M
10 Responses Dec 11, 2012

I do not even know where to begin.... Maybe if sex with your wife was based on something besides size limitations,quantity per act and degree of hotness and all the other statistics,it may be a little more sensual and fulfilling FOR BOTH OF YOU.

I'm not sire I understand. It is not based on these things, it has devolved into this. I am keenly aware that one of the problems may be that I am not skilled enough to light her fire. But she married me and all, I offered to let her explore this with other potentially better lovers, and would willingly work on my skills every day of I had the chance. My question in general was whether others in this group would see my frequency as qualifying for membership. A secondary question was whether others in this group might think limited activity with a very beautiful woman was an acceptable trade off for lots of action with a less photogenic woman. The consensus was that more action with an average beauty beats little action with a hottie. Everyone has jumped on my **** and called me shallow and all that.

I have to be honest,I did not read all the way down the posts.... But my first reaction was just "Ewww". From this story it does not sound like you do not have a passionate bone in your body ,sex is all about function. I am wondering if you or your wife has the capacity for more than that. I hope the marriage is based on more than what you described, otherwise, the bond was weak before you even tied the knot.

OMG! What sort of comment is this??
"Do you guys who do it at my rate but with women you have to admit are not very hot to anyone else think my 1 bad sex session with a 9 is worth your 4.5 good sessions with a 2?"

What sort of judgements are you applying which suggest that poor sex is better than good sex if the woman you are having poor sex with is great looking? You tell us your wife is stunning looking but hopeless in bed - and you still think this is a better situation to be in than having great sex with someone who may not be as good looking . . . ??
Does the word "shallow" resonate in any way with you???

Are you waiting for someone to congratulate you on the fact that your wife is beautiful and your buddies envy you? Because all the comments are certainly making it seem that way.

Like many newbies (which you really are NOT any more!) you still think "everything is great bar the sex". You seem to have little or no comprehension what people mean when they talk about the importance of a reciprocal intimate relationship as compared with just sex . . . .

If you want to stay with your wife, do so. If you want to outsource, do so. If you want a genuine loving intimate connection with a woman who really wants to have sex (but possibly isn't quite as model beautiful as the current Mrs Crank!) with YOU - consider reading more on this forum and understanding more about the advice you are receiving. . . . .

You raise the initial question - on the basis of the numbers do you belong in the group - it is suggested that you do - then you reckon it is a brutal group. Presumably, you don't think it has anything applicable for you to consider.

That is fair enough, and is entirely a judgement call on your part.

Marriages on this board are, in 95% of cases, in a state of terminal dysfunction. And, initial poster, such as your goodself, invariably reckon that THEIR situation is going to be in the 5% "recoverable" group.

Irrespective of the opinions of this group, you will either be in the 5% recoverable group, or you won't be. Nothing that is said / suggested / hinted at / pointed out in this group will make a blind bit of difference to your eventual outcome.

Essentially, this group tends to try and school you for the highly probable outcome that you AIN'T in the 5%, and prepare yourself appropriately. There is no compulsion on your part to take any notice what so ever of this group.

You can continue with spreadsheeting out your sexual activity, and holding on to the belief that YOU are in the 5%.

You will either be right in that assertion, or you won't be. And, if you discover that you are actually in the 95%, you might want to come back, for some brutal truths.

For what it is worth, your story reads to me (I've been in this group all but 4 years) like your marriage is terminally dysfunctional.

Would you sooner I bullshitted you and told you everything is going to be fine ?

Tread your own path.

I think peopel are being hard on you crank. I think that if one doesn't keep some sort of score on these things if there is a perceived problem one cannot be objective. Once every three weeks is not enough for most people I think. And, many of us Indian women get out heads filled with a lot of prudish cultural guilt. Strange, in that there are a billion of us now, we came up with the kama sutra, and Hinduism has not prohibition of pre marrital sex. Yet, in my case, I was raised to save it for marriage, told that i woulnt enjoy it and that it was wrong to do unless for breeding, and that women who freely do it and enjoy it are dirty. Thus, you have some cultural eggs to crack.

I'm more interested in the training yourself to premature ********* part. What's that all about?

A woman responds who obviously has a really nice body, is into sex, and has some cultural similarity with my wife, and you try to run her off like that? I believe the concept in the post - the annual count - has sparked some interest. I am flattered by it. And if I post something that inspires a woman who looks like that to respond, who are you to give her ****? Are you jealous that nobody cares to respond to you? I'm not surprised that you are not getting any action.

I got the sense that my wife complained and was uncomfortable from the time we begin intercourse to the end. Thus, mistakenly or otherwise, I have trained myself to get the job done quickly. That comes from deprivation for the most part. When I take matters into my own hands so to speak, I go to the edge of release and don't finish - basically self-imposing a blueball situation. I couple that with fantasies of her banging better endowed men on the side, and there you have it. After a couple years of this I am done as soon as I start. But, I don't know if she likes this more or less, as it happens without comment. Maybe this makes her like it less, and my hopes of getting more action by being quicker about it are counter productive. I admit I think (fantasize) that it may inspire her to wander too, so I keep underperforming and waiting for some change or reaction. I know f-ed up, isn't it.

I think that all boils down to you going to get laid - kinda like someone with no life experience just suggested . . . .

Crank - underperformance may inspire a woman to wander, and so it was with me. But, you need to give her your best efforts and warm her up yourself, your thought of outside man doing it and you reaping benefit are about ten million to one. This is coming, with the irony, from the one.

1 More Response

Use your data and incorporate it into a PowerPoint Presentation.

Give the presentation just after Xmas lunch, and your guests are half full of ink.

Should be a memorable Xmas as the room splits into 'refusers', 'refused' and 'others' and then duke it out.

Tread your own path.


Look people, I feel for the guy because I know how my Indian sisters can be. Just because he wrote the stuff down to take a look at a year of history doesn't mean as much as you think. I have kept journals in a sense that included my sexual history that I could look at and come up with counts too. You could make fun of him for better reasons than those.

Oh, not making fun. I've still got the spreadsheets, and I stand by my statement - they don't get you laid. I think keeping records actually can be useful, because at least it gives you the opportunity to be accountable to yourself, which can - if you let it - provide the basis for change.

Thanks Soni - whoever you are. A nickname, short for Sonal, or just a screen name?? Nice pic btw. Maybe you give me advice on how to make my wife more like you.

Damn girl, younger reading a lot into my comments about my wife's looks. I don't see what's wrong with posing a question that includes the concept of whether 10 encounters with a "1" can be equivalent to 1 encounter with a "10". I didn't profess to know the answer. And I don't known why everyone is on me for adding that my frustration is heightened by the attractiveness of my wife. I cannot overcome biology - if she was not attractive I would still love her but would not likely miss the sex so much. How does that make me a monster?

I meant "you are" not "younger.". Damn iPhone

Glad to be trying to cover the back of a man married to one of my people, as saying goes. Soni is nickname - some old friends from youth and family call me Soni still but my full name and name as known in business world is different.

To have your wife be more like me would require you to poorly perform the sex to the point she get frustrated and she has affiar, then gets discovered, then gets boldness to declare she wont stop affair, then is responding to more graphic questions from husband about affair in infidelity fight, then gets really mad and answers them with insulting honesty, then catches husband ************ right after I tell him what lover did last night and storm out on way to get more, then transform relationship into female dominant where i am open and he is faithful, and you are there. Easy!

4 More Responses

Still at the Coke machine?

Perhaps you could put on an accountant's hat with your spreadsheets and think about whether this well is giving you an ROI.

And then take off that hat, spreadsheets do not get you laid.

First I get told dabbing bacon behind my ears won't get me laid, now I'm hearing spreadsheets won't get me laid. Jeez - next you'll be telling me that chicks don't dig neckbeards...

I think they do if they come with a healthy amount of back hair.

There's chicks who don't have back hair...?

Yea, you are a laugh riot.

1 More Response

If you think you belong here, you belong here.

To me, your description of your sex life is pathetic. No judgment, my sex life is also beyond pathetic, for the time being. But at least I'm in charge of it now.

And you keep playing up that your W looks stunning. Well, if that's what you want in a W, that's what you got. But seeing as you are on this forum, I'm guessing you wanted something more.

I get it every 7 weeks or so all year round, no fun getaways or vacations to lube things up so to speak. I am 40 and admittedly am not the hardbody I used to be, mainly because food has become my sex. But I am not plus-size, and people still tell me all the time how beautiful I am. I dress appropriately for my age but still youthfully and even a little sexily...just classy. I still groom myself and make myself up every day. I have not gone out and gotten the over-40 "mom cut;" I wear my hair long, highlighted, well-groomed and sexy. I love to go out and have fun, I like to socialize and have a few drinks, I enjoy sporting events, and I like trying new things. This means nothing to H. I catch other men openly staring at me, but he never has a compliment for me. He has always ripped apart any pictures I post of myself on my FB. He says they're terrible or unflattering or whatever. About a month ago I changed my pic and everyone went nuts over it, telling me how gorgeous it was, and he added the comment "This might be the best picture you've posted in a long time." He thinks that was a great compliment and keeps referring to it when I complain that he doesn't say nice things. I would be an eager, adventurous, responsive bed partner every night if he wanted it, but he doesn't want it. So I would say looks pretty much mean nothing, and you got about twice as much last year as I did.

Well I'm sorry. I believe all sexy women need sweet love and tenderness, and also need to be banged like the little sexpots that they are from time to time - sometimes in the same session. No thirsty beauty should go six weeks between drinks. Do you think I shouldn't be complaining?

What good are mountains you can look at every day, but hardly ever get a chance to climb on?

You are on a roll today!

Yeah, I am sure firing up your annual stocktaking spreadsheet is a great way to get a woman's juices flowing. You do it because you have realized that it does not make things any worse, and you might as well have your jollies. Anyway, since you asked, I started my marriage at 26 with about twice your current frequency. You might imagine that gives a dude indigo balls in no time. Went down to about once every 5--7 weeks within the third year of marriage. I gave up on sex when I was 36, after some 16 years of bedroom agony. Had enough for a lifetime. Need a few dozen "rebirths" and stay single each time, to recover from "marriage".

So you gave up after her long pattern of refusal? At such a young age? If it was that bad I would at least go for some side *** or a hooker or something. Are you like 100% online **** all the time, or have you reached zen monk status??