I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Three Months Out: Yes We Can

By: MadridBlues

Written on December 11th, 2012

I have just completed my third month out. I left on September: she stays with our two kids at -my former- home, I live now in a small apartment close to them. It is hard, I feel lonely, but as you can see it is possible. Kids are OK.

We are now separated. Emotionally speaking I am still involved. I still love her and regret that our ways diverged. It is painful. No an easy way. But it was possible. There is a life ahead, I thought it was going to come faster, still have not found a woman I like that likes me, and I am realizing that maybe that will never come, although who knows?

But at least I am not rejected every week. Unger has dissapeared. I know I will not have sex and that is much better than expecting it and find a "Nooooo" after a "nooooo" and wonder if she really loves me or not. Today it is a fact. She does not, she had not for a long time, and she will never do anymore.

Something new is ahead. Not easy, but possible.

By: MadridBlues

Age: 36-40 , Male

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5 responses

enna30

Three months is a very short time - so don't be disheartened by the fact that you are not yet experiencing all the advantages of a new life. You have freed yourself to have those opportunitis when they arise.
Congratulations on making a definite decision and seeing it through. It is great to hear your kids are coping - provided you remain actively involved in their lives, this should continue to be the case.
You are still experiencing the grief that comes from any major negative life change - and ending a marriage IS a negative life change, even when it is the right thing to do. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to feel the grief when you are experiencing sadness - it will ebb away adter a while.
You can expect to have moments of grief or sadness for years to come - but know they decline in intensity and in frequency. And hold onto the knowledge that a better and happier life IS out there waiting for you to be ready to grasp it! {{{hugs}}}

Dec 12, 2012
1 like
chocciebean

Well done - you did a brave thing that a whole lot of people here never find the courage to do!! It gets better now - all the time and every day - enjoy it!! xx

Dec 12, 2012
1 like
ray3218

You've experienced exactly what I experienced with my ex. My biggest hurdle was trying to heal and recover from the destruction of my self -esteem from her constant and bizarrely creative excuses for not being intimate, which ultimately culminated in her telling me that if I had expectation of a normal marital relationship, I had serious psychological problems and needed counselling. I hope that her actions haven't affected you in the same way, but in my view, being alone for hopefully the short term is better than knowing that you're unloved in the long term.
Stay strong and move forward.

Dec 11, 2012
2 likes
zsuzsilowinger

Am in a similar place. As hard and lonely as it is, it is authentic and much easier and less lonely than maintaining a dead relationship.
Best of luck!

Dec 11, 2012
2 likes
Frustrated1978

Thats right not easy but possible. You have done the hard yards. Now you are rounding the home stretch. When you do eventually reach the finsih line you will be in a greater place than when you first started.
Stay Strong & Good Luck

Dec 11, 2012
1 like

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