Well, Now I've Done It!!!

I have been subscribing to a FB page called "Marriage Works" to try and get some inspiration and tips. One of last night's posts was something along the lines of "Men: Be sure to give your wife plenty of loving, non-sexual touches daily. It meets her needs and makes her feel more connected. Ladies: Reward this with sexual touches...that meets his basic needs." I posted the comment "I wish" in reference to the fact that sexual contact is supposedly a basic need for a man. Well somehow my comments are showing up on people's newsfeeds, and H saw it. He was PISSED. I am quite sure he thinks I was referring to giving your wife non-sexual touches, and therefore ignoring the little pats and brief handholds he has been doing lately. Well, no...it was the other, but I just can't even discuss it with him. I have been pretty clear about what I need and want lately, and he is certainly aware that there is a problem, at least in my eyes, with our sex life. This morning he said to me I should be careful what I post to FB...I knew immediately what he was referring to and said "Oh? Why's that?" He wouldn't respond. He had posted on his wall last night "Biting my tongue..." and went to bed without saying anything. Then this morning he changed his status to "I wish..." Really? You're offended about my little comment on FB but now you want to fight with me through cryptic little posts yourself? No...what he wants to do is find an excuse to be angry with me and make our marital problems my fault. This is a perfect distract/deflect maneuver, something I have seen from him before. And it's why I will eat my own liver for dinner before I wil attempt to broach the subject with him again. It's pointless.
PersephoneP PersephoneP
41-45, F
9 Responses Dec 11, 2012

Kind of shocked at all the little hand slaps I am getting over the Facebook thing. A juvenile and inappropriate posting would be me putting up a status calling H out on our non sex life. An innocent "I wish" on a post from a marriage and intimacy page, buried in among 100s of other comments, that I thought only subscribers to that page would see, is hardly a reason to start WWIII. When you have been denied the most basic components of marriage for as long as I have, you kind of need answers and an outlet. If just talking it out with him (which has happened at various times over the last decade) was going to do the trick, I tend to think it probably would have by now. Let's just say my apologizing and explaining why I posted it to begin with didn't do it either...yet another week has gone by and ZERO intimacy.

LOL, funny and not HUGS
This is a perfect distract/deflect maneuver ggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr your not alone

Sounds like my marriage.

Whatever you write on FB reflects on your husband too, especially when it gets... Intimate...
For some 'strange' reason he doesn't like to have the world know of his personal matters or marriage issues..

Perhaps it shows her desperation that she is using all information sources to try and come up with solutions. It does not appear to me that she knew it would be visible to others. That has happened to me too, not with a relationship but when I've commented on something religious or political and everyone can see it sometimes. So I just stopped doing that.


This is just passive aggressive crap on his part - and a very good excuse for him to now actually have a conversation with you with any honesty. And he knows it. Stop playing his games and be upfront and honest. They can't bear it x

Understand: I am merely venting on EP. I know my only real options are to accept this as my lot in life or leave and try to find my elusive happiness. I expect no magic bullets. It's just a bit therapeutic to see that I am not all alone out there.

Typical Passive Aggressive Behavour. Dont engage with him. Passive Aggresive's thrive for a response therefore kicking off the big argument they so badly desire to deflect attention from their behavours.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

<p>Did that story "Counterrefusal - The Case For" help in any way at all ?</p><p>As long as he can get a response out of you with his bullshit pretending, the pretending will continue.</p><p>You CAN run this agenda, if you have a mind to do so.</p><p>Tread your own path.</p>

Oh P, the passive-aggressive fog at your house is reaching new heights... how about you get your ducks in a row, then post on Facebook "I am leaving because H is a d*ckless wonder who has intimacy problems up the ying yang". That oughta be straightforward enough for everyone.

I got a chuckle out of that...I would never post such a thing, but yeah. I'm getting pretty frustrated. I apologized tonight because he was STILL all pissed off and nasty, so clearly it was a huge deal to him. And now once again my issues with him have been swept under the rug and I have been duly chastened...oh, and I hit the nail dead on. He started running down the list of all the ways he has "gone out of his way" to touch me lately (ooh you treat me like your WIFE for 15 seconds a day and you want a medal!)

yep my refuser thinks his quick pat on my side, as i walk by is enough....i try to not walk in his direction to often, his quick 1 second pats are pathetic.