Christmas.... Not So Sad After All;)

So the ups and downs are pretty extreme after a thing like a sexless marriage and the beginnings of a divorce. You question yourself constantly if it is the right thing your doing to leave said relationship because a part of you feels committed to that person whether it be because of finance, because of children, because of love, because of comfort, or because of friendship it is there scratching the back of your mind making you question yourself. But you have to ask yourself if all of it is enough, is your love returned? Will your kids be there when it is just you two? How long will comfort keep you happy when there is no passion?
I look at him now and it is kind of sad that at one time I looked at him and shared a love a longing for him that I always thought was returned until it just wasnt anymore. He says things to me now like I still want you, I still fantasize about you blah blah......... but I want someone with an insatiable appetite for me not just someone who wants me when I am no longer there lol.
I have been listening to Christmas songs and I am feeling alright this holiday:) The songs sing about missing their love and making love by fireplaces, and making love after a date but he and I NEVER made love after any date, nor by any fireplace lol. So it makes me feel good to know that I have someone now who wants me at all times. He makes me feel beautiful and loved. I dont question anymore. I needed that, I wanted possession to be backed up with action. To many times you get jealousy and possessiveness but nothing that backs it up. I still have a ways to go to heal, but I am on my way:) My divorce will be final in the New Year. 2013 will be a great year for me:) I will no longer be in a sexless marriage:)
Happy Holidays to everyone:)
NotAFairyTale NotAFairyTale
31-35, F
4 Responses Dec 12, 2012

NAFT, I hereby nominate you for one of the "Brave Hearts of ILIASM 2012" Awards!! You have fought the hardest fight and emerged victotious! You are a role model for others and you are an inspiration to us all! Continue to enjoy your new life - and treasure every moment of happiness it brings you. {{{hugs}}}

Great to her from you in your new role as empowered woman. I rather think it is a role you are going to be pretty good at.

Tread your own path.

Great to hear from yo and how you are doing! To a wonderful new year.

It's great to hear from you, Naft! What a year it's been! :-)