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To Little To Late

business has been slow. the economy has finally had an effect on Vanity.
And because of that i am seriously considering down sizing my salon. It has been something that has weighed heavy on my mind. I do not share finances with my spouse. And he has somehow managed to not really care about my business. But he has seen my stress. So yesterday i began to have a melt down, feeling like a failure. A failure at my business at my marriage, at life in general.
Because he could see my intense stress he asked me what was wrong. I told him it was business stuff. He showed very little intrest. then he asked me what else was wrong. And i looked him straight in the face and said,I am tired of talking about it. he actually asked me what i was talking about.
How could he be that clueless after 2 years of conversation. I am stressed with no outlet for it. I am sad with no arms to console me. Clueless selfish ****.
So today he did the first selfless act of our 23 yr marriage. He offered to pay for my tires. Granted i am grateful for the help. But that act can not make up for all of the selfishness. Can not change the fact that he can not, or will not give me all of the love i need.
Money is just money. It makes things easier. But you can not buy my love or my acceptance of a loveless marriage by paying for my tires.
I just need a real hug, a real kiss, and to be made love to like your life depended on it. Because in all honesty it does.
lunazule lunazule 41-45, F 7 Responses Dec 12, 2012

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I need a haircut :)

come on over

are you a hair stylist

21 years and counting

ME TOO

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Believe me when I say you will never be alone and these arms are always open for you my love.

I know. If the past 6 months has taught me anything, it is that there are wonderful people in this world. You just have to let them into your life. You have shown me that happiness is not only possible, but that i deserve it. And i know where to find it when i get brave enough and strong enough to let go of a broken life. Thank you for loving me, even with all of my dented pieces. I long to be in the safety of those loving arm.

you are doing your best

thank you

<p>yea my refuser thinks buying me my fav junk food or putting the tv on my fav show is love... NOT!</p>

ohhh the feeding... they had mothers who showed love with food. But they were emotionally devoid. So they become this as adults. The H's mother is a cold heartless B****. And as he gets older he becomes more like her. NO need for people. just give them their stuff and be grateful that they want you as the one person in thier world. Lord help us with this battle.

Interesting array of back stories here, which I read to put this one in context, but it is probably simpler to keep it simple.

Your marriage reads like it is terminally dysfunctional. Have you seen a lawyer in your jurisdiction to check out how a divorce would shake out for you ? If you haven't, that would be a good oversight to correct.

Tread your own path.

I am sorry you are suffering with this horrible economy. I think it is taking its toll on many of us. Sure, it is nice to have someone pay for your tires. I just bought a set so I know! BUT like you I am a female who needs hugs and touching. Tires just are not going to cut it for me. I lost my dear mother this year. I never received a touch, kiss or hug from my H so I think I know how you feel. And yes, I am done with him. I am totally poor now (and lonely because I have not met anyone) but I do believe that better days are ahead.

they do not grasp the deep importance of human contact. A kiss that is more than a parental peck. A hug that warms your heart and soul. A kiss that melts you into physical desire. But they do not need these things so they think we don't either. And if we dare to say we do, its considered being pushey and not understanding of thier emotional state. I know there is better out there. Stand strong.

har i feel your pain... i lost my brother 2 years ago, my refuser like yours, has not offered not one hug, or a kiss or im sorry .... there i was crying my eyes out, all he could do was look at me and say nothing... so when his brother inlaw past on, i treated him the same way....

every time i talk to mine i am crying and lost and he just sits there silent. once i saw him cry. but it was not enough to inspire any change at all.

i know how those small bits of tears you see once in a while goes, when it comes to your refuser...

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I normally steer away from Jerry Springer type lines, but... he has bought you some new tires... It might be worth using them.

i have to remind myself that there is good in this man. But it is no longer good enough for me. I am going to be grateful for the money, pay the bill and move on to the next step of my life.