My Story

I am married for 2 years and it is a sexless and loveless marriage. I am in a no way out situation.

I can not convince her because she thinks that she dont have any problem (it is me who have all the problems in this world) and i know no matter how hard i try it is not going to improve because every time we talk about it a new road-blocker will appear and conclusion of the discussion will be "I" have a "problem" which i need to improve... She is type 1a refuser(reference to article "").... There are other issues which if we started to talk about, again after sometime it will be "ME" who will be at fault, and I usually accept the conclusion to avoid further "discussion" or "talk" and further frustration. Now I accepted it as my fate (what can i do about it) :(

divorce or separation are not the option either at this time because I belong to a very conservative Indian family and they loved their daughter in law a lot(She is a very good daughter in law), I can not tell my parents about all this because i don't want them to be sad or frustrated or worried. They think their son is the most happy person in the world because i laugh a lot, jokes a lot (I am considered as a jolly and optimistic person, they can not see tears in my eyes while i am in bathroom)...

I don't know when my suffering will end.... I am searching for a lover outside of marriage whom i can really love.... Not sure where it will lead me but my search is for real love, care. Not sure when i will find her ...........
asuting asuting
26-30, M
6 Responses Dec 14, 2012

Isn't it funny how we all pick the bathroom to show our tears? Can fully understand what your feeling. Sometimes we think we have to put other peoples feeling first and push our own to the back of our minds. i know I'm certainly not good at putting myself first!! hugs xx

Your commitment to your parents is admirable. But you should not allow their opinion to force you into an unhappy long term situation. Can you not talk privately to your parents (or one parent) about this? Most parents want their children to be happy. It may sadden them if you leave your marriage - but they will probably understand if you explain it to them . . . Is it worth a try??

You deserve so much more than a counterfeit marriage. Surely, you were not destined to live a life of daily suffering, which the current situation most certainly is.<br />
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You say that your wife is a good daughter-in-law. As the mother of a son your age, I must disagree! I would never view a woman who married my son, then failed to be a loving wife and add to his happiness as a good daughter-in-law!<br />
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I admire you for showing respect for your parents and wanting to please them; however, I do not believe they would want you to live a fraudulent life, or to surrender to unhappiness. I do not believe they would want you to live a lie.<br />
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This must be very intimidating for you, but I strongly encourage you to be completely honest with your parents. As it is often said, "The truth shall set you free."<br />
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Also - and this is very important - I strongly encourage you NOT to search for any other relationship(s) until your marriage has been properly ended. Adding more dysfunction to your life would be a self-destructive act. Please, fix what is broken first.<br />
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I hope that very soon you will be able to accept and believe with all your heart that you are truly a worthy person, deserving of unconditional love, respect, admiration, and happiness in every area of your life.Bless you ... and be happy!

"divorce or separation are not the option either at this time because I belong to a very conservative Indian family and they loved their daughter in law a lot..." I thought it is very important for a very conservative Indians that their sons would have children,preferably boys? Can you talk to your parents, that your wife is actively avoiding to fullfill her husband natural desire and really does not want to have children, so she is not very fit for the role of wife and really is not good daughter-in-law at all.... I bet you know more about your religion in general and your family views on the marriage, try to talk to them from this angle...

As a stereotype, chances are, if she could have kids without sex, she'd go that way.

You are searching for a lover - that is a great idea, AFTER you have dealt with the situation you have now.

I am 100% sure, if what you described above is true, that your parents would be supportive of you if you told the truth. BUT even if they are NOT - you MUST live your life for YOU.

Taking a lover while not living your life the way you need to will complicate things not just for you - think about what your parents will think of you if they find out without having he full story! Think of what YOU will think of you when people find out! Think about the dangers for your lover, if you end up loving someone else - especially in a conservative part of a country - your LOVER could end up in serious harm because of you!

In the end, you must do as you must. Keep reading on here. I hope you can find a way out.

If divorce / separation are illegal in your jurisdiction, then you are ******.

If they are not illegal, then you are only held by your own thinking.

If your own thinking rates your happiness below that of your parents, your conservative family, your willingness to continue living a lie, your in laws and whatever else, then that is your choice.

Your choice - your consequence. That's how life works.

You don't get a pass on choice. No-one does.

Tread your own path.