Hey I joined this group because I too live in a sexless situation. I'm not married however, but I might as well be cause I too feel the same you all feel. My situation is a little or maybe a lot to some people. I've been living with my girlfriend for 2 years on and off. I'm a believer of not making a relationship all about sex, more mental and more activities and romance. However, in this relationship I feel like she holds the key and controls when we have sex. It's like I have to prove things to her constantly before she can feel comfortable taking it there with me. In the beginning I had to prove it wasn't all about sex cause I was highly sexual. The thing was so was she but because I wasn't acting like this innocent thing I was too much for her. Her idea was she wanted to bring my freak out not me already coming forth freaky. So I had to tone down my sex/freak meter so she can feel comfortable. Then it was I'm not showing her I'm all in. Then it's she's not used to being with girls like me and how she's unhappy with her life now and how she wants to go back to her old life and questioning if she wasn't going through things if she would be with me and still telling me that the house i clean, cook, sleep and take care of her in isn't my home. So now I'm feeling like I'm trying so hard in this relationship without any gain or pay-offs. Even though I'm not married, I can relate. Here recently because she has a son (another reason we don't have sex) we were finally in the house alone and I suggested some x-rated action and she was down for it and we were even drinking wine, however, she got on the phone with her aunt and spoke for a long time and then got on the phone thereafter with her cousin. Mind you I had to go to work the next day. After it hit midnight I gently reminded her that it was getting late. She kept on saying "5 more minutes" which I feel she makes me wait like that constantly and me being the patient one I wait. Then finally she tells her cousin she had to go and her cousin I felt snapped saying she doesn't give a F and that she only gets to talk to her once a month and I'm like that's great but we don't have a sex life. Then my girl tells her that we're not sexually active and they both go "ooh" ... "Yeah" but in a you know what it is way. Anyways they hang up and as we going upstairs she drops the rain check on me and I was like I could have been in bed by now if that was the case. Upstairs she made a comment that still hurts me, it made me feel so less than. "When you show me that you're here for life then I'll consider it, till then family first" I just said ok and laid down to go to sleep and dwelled on how she wasted my time and not only that but also made me feel like I was no one to her. And these kind of situation happens constantly with us when she wants to have control but then makes herself sound good making comments on how she's trying to grow in the relationship. So, I definitely don't see a orgasmic relationship between us right now.