Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

More To The Story: Details On Does Everyone Just Love Your Refusing Spouse?

I will also add that my parents do know how unhappy I am, and when we did separate for awhile he and my father continued to spend time together sharing their mutual hobby. They just don't...care. My circle of real friends has dwindled to almost none, as most of them have moved away. Then I moved away. My child has autism, and it's incredibly hard to get out and do the things required to keep friends. I go to work, and come home. I work nights.

I don't know. I constantly get accused of things. Of cheating, of lying. Of talking about this or that. He says that he knows how to monitor network traffic to see everything coming in and going out on the internet. (I have no idea if this is true, but plausible.) He says that he will do everything in his power to just make me miserable, to take my son away, etc. if we were to get divorced. I'm just tired, and he always has ways to make me feel trapped. I sometimes wish he was sexual, and would cheat, just so he'd WANT to leave.

He's been physical, but not in a few years. That actually stopped when we got back together. But his facebook quote sickens me: "I won't be wronged. I won't be insulted. I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people, and I require the same from them." I don't know why it bothers me so much. Because it's a lie? I cried when he put that on there.

I told him last week that I wanted a divorce. He said it was only fair that he be allowed to save money to get a place where we live, near our son and his job. I'm sure that that will take months, if he even bothers saving.

I don't know why he wants to stay in this marriage. He has to be just as miserable as I am. When we were separated, he alternated between mean & spiteful, having a great time, and depressed and threatening suicide.

Obviously there are deeper issues than just not having sex. But it's not bad ALL of the time. I almost wish it was, I think that it would make me stronger. I keep getting flurries of hope, even if intellectually I know that there is none. I feel like I've given and tried, and accepted every excuse.
ThatsJustMarvelous ThatsJustMarvelous 31-35, F 6 Responses Dec 16, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

TJM, repeating the prior posters' advice: please contact women's shelter for free or low cost legal and/or technical advice on how to prevent his Internet stalking of you. it is illegal for him to monitor you without your consent.

as for the rest, if you are truly confident that he's not going to abuse your children then I'd advise you to move out of the marital bedroom. you've already told him you want a divorce. sleep in your kids' bedroom.

yes a lot of people like my H. but anyone who's spent appreciable amounts of time with us has seen his facade slip. enough so that no, I won't be getting the bad girl tee -- unless of course I buy it for myself.

good luck, stay strong, & keep coming here. xo

You have dispensed with the previous problem of "what people would think" issue it would seem, as that is not figuring much in this story - quite the reverse.

Next thing to tackle would be as other members have suggested. Lawyer and / or shelter.

Tread your own path.

TJM, you do need to get this guy out of your head. While you may not want or need the overt services of a Women's Shelter, I am willing to bet that they could help you solve the internet stalking issue. Call for help with this. If a Women's group doesn't have someone who can walk you through the steps to protecting your online whereabouts, they should be able to tell you whom to call to get this done.

I would agree with the other responders here--your H is undoubtedly planning how to come out of a divorce with as much material good and psychological goodwill as possible. Document all of his FB posts & status announcements for future ammunition.

I know this is a type of abuse, however...I'm just not ready for a women's shelter. It was a lot to write down on this site, even anonymously. I just needed somewhere to vent and express. My children and I are not in immediate danger. He's actually a great father, especially to the one with autism. I actually barely see him since we have opposite schedules. I do have a plan I am working on, it's just taking time to complete. Step 1 was getting through school, and getting a job where I could be self-supporting, and that's just finally happened.

You are definitely being emotionally abused, and it may well escalate to physical abuse.

I also urge you to seek help from a women's shelter. A list of resources can be found here: http://help.experienceproject.com/customer/portal/articles/391568-what-if-another-member-or-myself-is-in-crisis-

Not everyone has parents who are supportive, and I am sorry that you do not. But do not let that stop you from living a good full life, free from this abuse. Get out, get help, make some new friends and move on!

Also, if you are taking care of a disabled son it is very likely your EX will have to pay substantial child support. Make sure you get whatever is coming to you. Maybe that will enable you to keep your job, or take the lower paying job without losing out. See a lawyer ASAP, but women's shelter FIRST.

I hope it all works out for you. Keep in touch, we are all here to support you.

TJM, may I suggest you contact a Women's Shelter? You may not currently being physically abused but you are certainly being mentally abused. And your husband sounds like exactly the sort of person who may choose to "solve" his problems in the worst possible way . . . . You should not be in danger of personal harm to you and / or your child because your husband does not want to end the marriage. And I fear you will be. . . .

Ask a Women's Shelter for help and advice. They can refer you to legal advice for free or for a very small charge. ACCEPT any offers of help. You are feeling very alone at present - and your husband has deliberately manipulated you into this position. You will be surprised how many people WANT to help you.

As for your son, rearing a child on the spectrum is always very hard. But you may have options for your future that do not require you to be apart from him. Consider house sharing with another parent; applying for live-in jobs, etc. Once he is at school, you will have more options open up for you. {{{hugs}}}