The Only Touch I Get

It sounds like the way you two communicate may be at fault here. A little thing I noticed in your post is that you used words like 'always' and 'only'. Absolutes like this tend to cut off communication by causing the receiver to be defensive. I know because I do the same thing. Also, using 'I' statements that speak to how you feel NOT how HE makes you feel can be more effective. Example, "when I'm hugged in that way and at that time of day, I feel like an object and that I am not special or whatever it is you feel... Communicating this way is SO challenging especially when so emotionally charged. However, it's like a muscle. The more you practice the better you get. You may still not get the result you're looking for, but at least you'll know your issues aren't due to poor communication vs. deeper/fundamental problems. Just a thought.

It's not normal, it just causes irritations, frustrations and discomfort. And sometimes when you're craving something more it's annoyingly arousing. By you sharing with him how you feel and it doesn't phase him that's also not normal, it just shows how careless he's acting. I'm not sure what advice to really give you except try counseling with him. I'm going through the same with me and my girlfriend, it's only her dead arm on my waist and her laying behind me feeling soo content while it arouses me, she would also rub my hooters getting me excited and when I take action to take it further she would say I just wanna rub you without it leading to sex. So, I began removing her arm from my breast and she would argue that I'm trying to stop her from connecting with me. Excuse me if this was TMI. But keep expressing and hopefully he gets it, therapy or leave the relationship. That's about what I can advice to you.

No, it is not normal. I am in the same type of relationship. Six or seven
years ago, my wife was doing pretty much the same, except she would
just let me have my way without any emotion or participation. Now,
there is nothing. We sleep in the same bed, but we haven't had intimacy
since. My marriage has become one of convenience.

Communication and conversation. We obtain the ultimate power of persuasion to get what we want when we want, not trying to sound prude but its true. I hope it works out for u.

It's not like I have just been accepting it for 13 years-- I have been trying -- but yes, it took me awhile -- life got busy, working, earning money, earning degrees, tragedies, etc.... I am getting stronger and stronger.. thanks for letting me share my thoughts/amazement/sadness./wonderment......... I appreciate you all. (except the people coming on to me, I don't want your sex... thanks). ;)

Sorry. I didn't sign in. Please let me know if you received my message.
Thanks
Kev&Chris (Brit couple).
coylekevin103@gmail.com

Another post about him and his unamusing idiosyncrasies.

Your focus might do more productive things for you if you swung it over to your life, your needs, your future.

Tread your own path.

ugh not something he'll change after this long. time to move out of that bedroom. but why on earth would you wait this long to address something like that? blunt is good, early on though. if you've been ok for that long in his mind then he doesn't see the problem now.

no it's not normal to be told that n fall asleep. what is he? emotionally constipated? unable to form a coherent thought that has nothing to do with sex or money or food?
sorry that was a little bit out of line but still...sheesh!

I have also been in a relationship for 13 years, the only thing that I feel like I am good for is a cook / back scratcher and nothing else. Unlike you I have decided that after the holidays it will be the end of the relationship, I am tired of only having sex when she wants it and the last time was July. We sleep in separate rooms so there is no touching or hugging. I am at the point I don't even want to touch her.

I know how you feel, unlike some others that don't have a clue.
You need to confront him or just get out of the relationship, in my opinion it's just not worth it to keep going on and not being happy. Life is too short to be unhappy in a relationship. You need to be happy, good luck!

LOL.........toxicdragon..............you really sound like a doosh. I don't care if you have a Master's. That means nothing. Psychology is all about theory anyway.

Buy herself a vibrator? What's the f**g point of being married if you are going to have to provide your own sexual satisfaction?

you definitely deserve more in your relationship than babysitting this man-child...his biggest passion is a juvenile game rather playing with the greatest toy in world...a woman's body! lol

Classic passive aggressive behaviour. Mine would do similar. If I said please don't touch my stomach as it hurt after c-section but I wanted attention on my boobs, he'd massage my stomach and completely ignore the boobs. It's all about them and their wants and needs.

You need to get to the next phase - removing him from your life and moving on. He's not what you want or need. And you deserve so much more!

there is bad advice and commentary coming your way from people who do not have a clue. The first thing you need to do is get into his head and mind set. WHY is he playing the games you mention? Have you considered that he does it because he needs to wind down and literally quiet his mind from the day he had? To give him the opportunity to focus on the opportunity for the one on one time between you two? Do you really believe men are capable of sex at the flip of a switch like so many ignorant masses do? Have you ever tried to take that Ipad from him and give him something else to focus on?
There is much more to consider than JUST HIS Actions, and you make no mention of that, yet everyone commenting is blaming him and they should be ashamed of themselves for that. The fact that he fell asleep after you told him that you were not satisfied with the way things are, sounds like you expect him to be responsible for every aspect of your sexual relationship, and that he is just as bored with it as you are and he has just given up on you long ago. It works both ways, If you are not willing to take the initiative, why should he? You really need to think about what YOU expect and ask yourself is it really his faukt you are not getting it or have you been reading to damned many romance novels. This is real life and not someones made up fantasy.

Awake.........what a lazy *****!
The more you do , the less he ever will.
I bet he if he could mastebate without having to doing any work for this, he would do that too.

He does it because you still sleep in the bed with him.

It's called opportunity.

Awake - you are still trying to figure him out. He takes up so much of your headspace - no wonder you are tired. Simply put, its about control and the gesture is a win for him whichever way you react. He chooses when (hence he plays his game in bed beside you until you are falling asleep), he chooses what (the arm signal and the required action - a bj). Think about it - your refuser's idea of reset sex does not even include you having sex.

I don't see any love in that kind of behavior. Your husband if extremely selfish and doesn't deserve to be married to you or anyone. You deserve better and he deserves to be alone.

The "I don't care" sleep is horrible. I simply can not stay in the same room and listen to the peaceful slumbering on those nights she knew I was dying for intimacy. I found both my limit, and a new support and its helping.

I hope you can draw a line, have another room you can go to (rather than the torcher of sitting there listening to him sleep). Find a support.

Good luck - my heart feels for you, Awake.

Really, you reward with BJ for that kind of behaviour?
Damn, i am clearly doing something wrong!

Your "bluntness" actually sounds a lot like my spouse, the difference perhaps is that I try to listen (i got a similar talk about rubbing her stomach which apparently makes her feel fat, understood, steer clear of the area, hasn't been a problem since).

If you said "are you looking for something? tonight i would like X-Y-Z to please me" what would his response be? is he just looking for some guidance from you (not to take his side of thing, just trying to be constructive)?

It worked before, it ****** you off, you keep lying beside him, taking it. Time to set some clear healthy boundaries for YOU. Not to punish anyone else, but to increase the quality of your life.

He needs his mama, not you. My wife doesn't even do that. If I touch her when she is falling asleep, she will remove my hand or push away saying i am too tired.