Waiting GameHe's still living and hoarding in the ba
Nights like tonight I spend hours online, because this community and one or two others feel like company and keep me sane. It is so very hard to go to bed alone, and so very hard to think of finding someone to go to bed with, with kids in the next room and him in the ba
I'm waiting to see if I get accepted to a prestigious post-graduate placement in Europe. I'll find out by March. In the meantime I continue to go to school at a local college, which keeps me busy and is fun in its own way. When you are exasperated by exams and papers you have little time to worry about personal issues.
Now exams are over, and I'm not sleeping for different reasons.
I had a conversation with him this morning. I realize that to go to Europe means selling or renting out this house - my first house I've ever owned, where we've lived our 12 years together; the only house the kids have ever known. It's no dream house, but it's what we know.
And I'm ready to move on, and terrified too.
So i told him this morning, you need to have the ba
He's been procrastinating in his usual way. After the conversation where I convinced him that selling or renting the house for the maximum amount of money could only be achieved by him getting his hoard under control, and that it was best for the kids to get the max money, he seemed on-board. He went out and purchased a bunch of bins to store stuff. He labelled the bins. They continue to reside out in the hall, cluttering up the hall. He filled two garbage bags of stuff. He put them in the hall, where they continue to reside.
I've seen this before. The room hoard never changes, just gets shuffled around. Stuff from one area moved to another. Somehow more than there was before.
We have a student helper who is GREAT at organizing and helping remove junk, she's been helping me for a few months to downsize. She's awesome, she's inexpensive, and EX agreed to work with her - then nothing. Last week when she came I told him, please talk to her. He said he will. I asked him while she was here - did you talk to her? Yes, he says.
I ask her, did he talk with you? Oh, he said hello G___. That was it. He asked how she was doing. That was his "talk" with her.
"I have to sort things out first" he always says. And it never gets done.
You may think I'm being a b*tch, a whiner, busting his balls. I dare YOU to live with a classic hoarder for 10 years, being super nice, cleaning up their mess time and again, and not get somewhat exasperated after a decade of it. We have kids. I am the person who pays the home insuance. I cannot get into that room to check electrical, or anythign else.
I put my foot down about Feb. 1. I don't know what else to do. I WILL GO TO A LAWYER IF NEED BE. I WILL KICK HIM OUT. I DON'T WANT THE HASSLE BUT WTF ELSE CAN I DO???
I will ALWAYS be the BAD GUY. But I bet you anything, if push comes to shove, I will let all our friends and family know EXACTLY what went down, they will support me. I am at the point where I no longer give two f*cks, because there's no other thing to do. He may lose it and end up in the mental hospital if I push the issue, and I no longer care. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO????
My poor kids. My poor me. I have no more pity for him.
I feel like a total sh*t. I don't even want to date anyone because I hate myself so much for what I have to do. I do have to move on and separate him from the kids, I have to do it. And I hate myself.
zsuzsilowinger 36-40, F 8 Responses 1 Dec 16, 2012