Post

I Feel So Alone

Like so many relationships, ours began with hot passion and exploding fireworks. We were pretty much in bed all day and all night. We would have sex sometimes 4 or 5 times a day. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, 6 months into it all, it stopped.

At first I was very confused. But she assured me, it wasn't me, I wasn't doing anything wrong. She simply lost all desire for sex.

This was the beginning of some very hard times in our relationship. There were many discussions, along with arguing, crying, yelling, etc. While at the same time, I loved her tremendously, more than anyone I've ever known. I've always known she is the person for me. I don't want anyone else. This person is, simply amazing. I'm no fool, I've been in several relationships, and those all seem like a joke to what I have with my wife.

We've tried so many things... discussions, doctor appointments, medications, spicing things up (lingerie, toys, fantasizing)... yet still, we probably average sex about every 10 days, which I know, it could be a lot worse... but then there's those times when we go 4,5,6 weeks...

Coping with this problem has been a tremendous challenge for me. I don't really have any close guy friends to speak with. I feel embarrased to tell my coworkers.

I simply cannot live like this forever. I have a very high libido.

But I cannot give up on my best friend. She would do it for me.

Thanks for reading.

JasonDodgeGuy JasonDodgeGuy 31-35 5 Responses Dec 17, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

All is not great. Keep reading up here. Usually the drop in sex is the first sign that all is not well.

What the problem is that could be one of many issues. Perhaps she is seeing someone, else or someone has taking her fancy, perhaps you have upset her in some way and she is harbouring resentment, perhaps she woke up one day and no longer feels attracted to you.

It could be any of the above reasons. At the end of the day you aint getting sex and you need to address whether this can be worked out or if it is a deal breaker for you.

On a personal note if sex just dropped off the first scenario i'd start looking into is the possibillity she is having an affair. She might not be but worth some discreet investigating.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

I can almost feel the struggle
you are engaged in with yourself...
It sounds to me as if something may be going on with your wife...
she may not even be aware of...
just knows she no longer has
"much of an appetite...(first thing to diminish when i don't feel well)
not hungry for food....
anyways...
from what you've written...
sounds as if this is very workable...
you are both communicating about it...
continue to love oneanother,
as well as value one another...
whatever you do,
do NOT shut down,
stop talking,stop sharing,
pull back into yourself...etc...
Marriage is a sacred(apart from the everyday/common)
relationship...worth fighting for...
joyinthejourney, clg

I really want to say something helpful here, and can only think of reflecting some of your statements back at you in the hope that the incongruity can do its work. That, and reading this site some more.

"She would do it for me" - and she's not doing it for you, not where it matters to you.

"She simply lost all desire for sex" - simply, huh? And simply lost all desire to make sure that she's helping her husband be satisfied in some way. PS, it will get worse.

"But she assured me, it wasn't me, I wasn't doing anything wrong" - so that's alright then. If you read more on here, you'll see that often "it isn't you" is a convenient dissumulation for saying, "I'm not attracted to you".

"I've always known she is the person for me" & "I simply cannot live like this forever" - no, probably not, because your mind and body tend to be quite good at (ultimately) sorting out an environment that is good for you, and does not hurt you.

"But I cannot give up on my best friend" - you don't have to give up on friends, but it doesn't mean you have to live with them.

Please read more here and be open to some uncomfortable realities. Congratulations on making it, and I beg you, take action on this, do not let the status quo continue, you do have an opportunity now.

BTW - you don't mention kids - and if you do not have any, please please please do not introduce any to this toxic mix.

Eventually something will give. the "I simply cannot live like this forever" is not sustainable.

You say you will not give up on your best friend, however, the probability that you will give up being sexually faithful to her is now higher relative to those who share a satisfactory intimate life with their spouse.

A lot of folks here start out their journey writing that "all is great bar the sex", as you have.

As that journey progresses and the poster digs deeper into the marital issues oftentimes they discover that all is not great bar the sex.

-----"We were pretty much in bed all day and all night. We would have sex sometimes 4 or 5 times a day. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, 6 months into it all, it stopped."

This is a familiar (and normal) relationship trajectory. After the new relationship energy wears off (normally can last 60-90 days maybe a bit more) it must be replaced by a deeper intimacy that still includes a lot of frequent sexual interaction, but maybe not as much as the first few months of the relationship. The "it all stopped" might mean any number of things, to include, now that the newness has worn off - that your partner finds being sexual within the context of longer term intimate relationships difficult.

What you are now experiencing is, more than likely, how she is within the context of a long term romantic relationship.

Might want to keep reading on here to see where your intimate trajectory might be heading in the intimate department - long term wise.

Sad but true.

What does this bit mean - "She would do it for me"

By your own words, that is incorrect.

Tread your own path.