Surreal Continued...

So animosity has dropped since last therapy session. Roller coaster coaster continues. We have talked about separating/divorce a couple times. The last being over lunch and it was very emotionless. I even pointed it out, there is just no emotion left. That night I felt the need to tell her that I am going through with my process, and to be honest I hadn't said everything I had intended to say yet. I told her while I knew this could mean we are done, I didn't expect her to blurt it out in the first 30 min of our first therapy session. While it seems that I am just holding on till I make the decision, it is not my intention. I am just not up for doing this and then in 6 months " what if" myself.... I need the process and conversation to even hope to not hold a grudge, this is important to me because I don't want the kids to hear sniping in our voices in the future... Granted there are no guarantees, but gotta try...

I feel one foot in and one foot out still.. Yes, I heard her when she said she was done... Am I thinking this will work out? Can't say that, my emotions are like paper in the wind right now. Are there actions that she could do yet to appeal to me? Yes, but I don't know if those actions would engage my emotion again.. I have been noticeably happier to all... She wonders why? I told her it is because one way or another the way we have been living is done. Whether the miracle happens or we go our own way....

She said this past weekend felt good because I was happy, I could tell she was feeling something. But we have chosen not to talk it all the time and we have another therapy session this week. This weekend I couldn't tell any difference between it and many other weekends in the past 4 years.

There are many nails in the coffin, but I can't help being a dreamer... It is my core to believe anything is possible! But I have to want it.... and right now... I just don't know if I want it....
Usernametbd Usernametbd
36-40, M
2 Responses Dec 18, 2012

Everyone works within their own time frame and at their own pace. You will know when you are done. Something inside you will just click.

However as i am reading it your wife made the decision that she was done way before you both attended your own therapy session.

You will best be advised to seek legal advice and start covering your exit bases from now. Divorcing is hard enough at least if you are prepared it makes it that little bit easier.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

I reckon you've got yourself - through your own work - to a place where you can deal with this - with compassion and integrity, doing what you want.

Dreaming is good, because you will then have a vision of what a good relationship and marriage would be. And you seem to be aware of, and trusting your emotions.

Best of all, you know and she knows that the status quo is no more, blown out of the water, Never Again. Now that IS liberating, use it.