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Thrown For A Loop

if you've been following my stories you're aware that i have been quietly trying to prepare my exit. the preparation has involved some research.

in the past couple weeks i've discovered some devastating financial items. my H has completely and utterly pulled the wool over my eyes. i was able to place a block against one of the accounts this afternoon. the other bank is quietly giving me a hard time.

it looks like my exit will be moved up, post-haste, with a hard talk next wednesday night. i knew there were things he was keeping from me; we've always had separate finances and *his* money has always been none of my business. yet, *my* finances have areas been open book (more or less, not to the extent of him having access to my statements or etc, more a function of i am responsible for so much of the household expenses that i *have* no $$ left at the end of the day).

what i've learned in the last 24 hours alone is such a betrayal of trust that as stated i placed a block against the account without even talking to him first.

won't say more for now...just wish me luck getting thru Xmas without incident so my daughter has a chance to enjoy the holiday. don't know how i will hold it together till then.

oh and yeah he's half heartedly been talking about us having sex again. as if. that train left the station dude, and it ain't comin back.
smithy8015 smithy8015 46-50, F 11 Responses Dec 18, 2012

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2013 will be a better year for it. Run, don't walk.

Document everything take copies of as much as possible and dont alert him that you are on to him until you have prepared everything and seen your solicitor.

The way this is playing out it looks like you will end up in court battling out possessions and you dont want to give him a heads up that you are currently one step ahead.

Stay STrong & Good Luck

As Zsu said, document everything. If he does honest disclosure, great; if not, then you can pull out your evidence and make sure things are fair. My ex was doing some funny bookkeeping too ... I was happy to get out with my own investments and retirment account intact.

Oh, and when I told him I wanted to divorce ... nearly the first thing he said was "This will be very difficult for me ...(long pause .... ) .. financially". That was the biggest eye-opener of all.

You are in my thoughts. Good luck.

I am sorry as well, and echo what was said below: document everything, hold it together, go see lawyers, and best of luck getting through this next week. You are so very close to the end now. Bittersweet but better that you learned all this now. This is one reason in the demise of my marriage as well.

Blessings to you my dear! I will also be praying for strength for you!

So sorry. I'll say a prayer you can hold it together a little longer. Blessings.

I used to really enjoy the holidays...but they just got continually sadder and sadder and more pathetic. Last year I sat in the basement just surfing the net throught the end of christmas eve and into christmas morning...I think I finally went to the cold bed around 6 am....and then the kids had me up in an hour or so. I think I knew then that I wouldn't endure another holiday that way...I just hadn't formed the idea completely in my head.
I will be alone this year on CHristmas eve...that is true.
But at least I won't also be lonely and refused. That is progress as far as I am concerned !

Absolutely document everything before breaking the news. Incredible... Stay strong, then explode in a controlled manner. He won't stand a chance!

<p>I am horrified to hear this - but sadly, not greatly surprised. I STRONGLY recommend that you take as many pieces of evidence as you can - before you alert him that you have found out. Bank statements,, anything. And record in as much detail as you can exactly what you have discussed with the bank - and how they have responded.</p><p>In a judgement about "joint assets" you may well find the court is very sympathetic if it turns out he has been withholding monies from you and the household - to your detriment. </p><p>You have ALL my sympathy - what a terrible thing to have confirmed at any time, but especially at Christmas. Hold strong for a little bit longer for your daughter's sake - then let him have it. {{{{{hugs}}}}}</p>

I'm sorry...what a shithead. It's amazing the truths that are discovered through the exit process. I hope you can come out of this ok...hugs!