After The AffairWow, what an afternoon. I debate if I should post this in the main forum, no doubt the holier than thou's wiill trounce me, but I have to get it out there.
I am not sure what I feel -- now that I am away from him (Mr. Tuesday), I feel numb and empty. Numb and empty in this house, no doubt. I ate a quick meal so I have some kind of energy for my cardio boxing class at 6. Did some dishes, cleaned up a bit, not really here. Not necessarily there with him, either, though our time together was magnificent. . Lots of laughs, tons and tons of kisses -- like the kind that melt all inhibitions and shatter all thoughts -- warm wandering hands -- everything I have wanted.
Yet not what I want at all. Yet, I know I will go back for more if I can.
Others warned me that going this route would have a spotlight shining at the flaws of this marriage,but I thought there was already a light, so I didn't think it could get much worse. Turns out I was wrong. That was a little pen light -- NOW there is a spot light. Yuck. I hate it here. Even worse than before. And not because I will or could run to "him" -- he's like a separate thing here. But yet everything new I feel is because of him.
I guess I feel sad............. very intense sadness. Wasn't expecting that. But, it's what I feel the most at this moment.