Weird Update

This is a very strange story.

Towards the end of the summer I realized that my marriage was over. My wife had no interest in sex. She was demeaning. I checked here and with others whether her behavior meant that she didn't love me. Everyone confirmed.

I had the talk with her. I thought it was going to resolve in a divorce. She needed time to think about it. Then she began to change. She got more gentle. She initiated sex. I thought that this was going to be a final attempt to keep the marriage together.

But it kept going. And kept going. It has been going on for two months now. It is truly strange. At first I didn't react since I thought she was going to go back to her usual ways within a week or soon after. But she has kept it up. She is nice. She is polite. She hasn't been angry or mean. I have been enjoying it, of course. At this point I doubt it is an act because I know she can't keep it up for this long. I know because whenever she has felt romantically/sexually threaten by some friend whom she knows is attracted to me, she acts a little better. But this only lasted a few hours. A day, max.

The only explanation that I have is physical. I had said before that she had been sick with a collection of strange and nameless ailments as the result of taking care of sick kids. It seems that about two months ago she got a lot better. From being an angry, sad person who told me that her life was over, she is now smiling all the time, has picked up fiction writing and realistic drawing.

I wish I could say that I had some role in this. That my attention to her made her understand. That telling her that I wanted to see other people if she was unavailable made her have a dramatic realization about how important our marriage is.

But that wasn't the case. I had tried that. I had given up. She was sick, and she is not sick anymore. No doctor was involved. Doctors just thought she was depressed. Her body just healed somehow.

I would like to close with some message of hope. But I did nothing to improve the situation. She did nothing to improve the situation. She just got better.
carlospa carlospa
6 Responses Dec 18, 2012

This must feel so great! Do not look for reasons, enjoy what the two of you now share. Enjoy and God bless you.

Has she turned into a Stepford spouse? She has developed spontaneous outside interests, is gentle and polite towards you, and is initiating. Have the two of you talked about the developing positive change in the relationship? Does she concur that the physical ailments were the root cause? It's an amazing turn around.

I am a jaded person. My first thought while reading your post was something I heard in the deep South many years ago: Be careful of those who are the nicest to you. They are the ones who are about to slip a knife in your back.

I fervently hope I am wrong. Please keep us posted.

Yes, she tells me that she believes she feels better. She perceives the world in a nicer, more vivid way.

As I said, it is two months. If she was going to pull something off, it would have already happened. But I will keep that advice in mind.

my first refuser ..... turned into a really nice guy for a whole year, come to find out, he had a agenda for doing so............

So glad for you.

Sometimes change only starts when there's a rocket up the posterior.

And I'd suggest there's still a problem in three respects. First, the many issues you will likely have other than sex itself will still be there - it doesn't sound like you've got to the bottom of this, or found out what each of you is made of and want from the marriage.

Second, if your supposed lover only reacts properly when the proverbial is hitting the fan, that doesn't say much for her concern for you. Unless she's developed a sudden empathy gland, who's to say it won't happen again (maybe in some different incarnation). Of course, this is complicated by her mystery illness.

Third, if I were in your place, I'd still be intensely distrustful and angry, and these feeling need to come out and be acknowledged and internalised by her before trust can be regained. It's analogous to saying after an affair, oh yes, I won't do that again, let's draw a line under it. Not very convincing.

maybe she is on meds and she has not told you

No, I know how she is on meds. She is not.

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