How Life ChangesFirstly - I have been living in a sexless marriage for a while. It turns out that it probably wasn't all my wife's fault and that there were deeper issues for me, too.
Secondly - I haven't had sex with anybody else, yet.
BUT: Since I cannot share this feeling with anybody I know, I thought I'd share it with a bunch of people I don't know.
My wife and I decided to separate a few weeks ago. Its been tearing me up (kids involved) but I know its probably the right thing. Sadly, I think we could resolve our issues, but only if that list of issues included our crappy, non-existant 'sex' life. I still find my wife extremely sexy and attractive.
However, I thought: well if life is going to go on for me as a single man, then I need to do something about it.
So, I got in touch with a girl I used to work with. I've always felt guilty talking to her because I've always known that she's the kind of girl I would of pursued as a single man. She responded positively and we exchanged a few pleasant emails. Then I went too far - I haven't dated for a LOOONG time - and emailed her a load of stuff in my head that was just way too much too soon. She didn't respond for 5 days. I thought: You've blown it, but it was a start. Learn your lesson and move on.
But then she got in touch. She dealt with my lack of skill very well - without making me feel like a jerk. Just a continuation of our dialogue, but very definitely encouraging.
The reason I have bothered to write this down is because, right now, I feel like I've lost the keys to my Ferrari, but found a winning lottery ticket. After such a long time of feeling physically unwanted and unattractive, it has taken a matter of weeks and I feel like a teenage boy wondering which of the Lynx fragrances is most likely to drive a girl wild. (I will find my cool again - but right now, I don't give a ^&*£ing monkeys!)
It still may not be the right thing. It still might end in tears. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I am a very average 40 yr old who is not confident in ANY situation, let alone the dating game, and I have managed to feel alive again in an extremely short space of time, after such a long time of pain.
I feel smug. I feel guilty. I can't stop smiling. I feel..... maybe a little bit wanted!!!!!!!!!!!!