How The Intimacy And Lack Of Affection Slips Up On You! But Rediscovered Each Other.I too have lived in a sexless unaffectionate marriage for almost 7 of the 24 years me and my wife have been married. It came to a head a year ago in November of 2011. We have three children and I chose to stay in the marriage for their sake. My wife and I used to have a very active sexlife, but after the first child came along, we had a little less time as she was tired dealing with the baby. then as this child got a little older it picked back up a little but not to the original pace. Then we had the second child this was a hard pregnancy for her and then this child was not a good sleeper at night for the first 3 years. Now we really didn't get time, actually, I was ready at any given time, but she was just never in the mood for any romance, affection or sex. Then what little we had, she gave begrudgingly like it was a chore, or something she had to do. By now she is always crabby, cranky and complaining about every little thing in our lives and no matter how much I tried to assist it was never enough. Then she decided to try for our last child, and had sex regularly till she got pregnant which was immediatly, and we had a boy as the other two were girls. But she also became obsessive compulsive about perfection in all aspects of our lives and about home cleanliness and germs. She washed her hands at least 50 times or more a day, mopped the floor sometimes two three times a day. Now she began to think of the act of sex as dirty and germy. As we were down to maybe once every 60 to 90 days, and she would go and scrub herself afterward. I am a very clean guy, and little to no body hair being Native American half.
After seven years of feeling lost lonely in my own house, I found a group on the internet with lonely wives and started a cyber friendship with a woman also in a sexless marriage. However, it lead to more than cyber when we met. She was my first extramarital affair. But like all things eventually hints show up that the spouse pick up on!!
The missed calls from a mysterious number, or the text that came in while the phone is not in your pocket, even though they were neutral texts, as well as I have a business that requires a lot of texting, calls etc. But the one that came in saying how the mistress loved me was the one that blew the cover. This was in November of 2011. My wife hit the ceiling, and I came clean on the group of married people with out affection. It was on Thanksgiving night of that year when she found the text, and she literally fell into my arms crying and apologizing for not being a wife to me causing me to stray from my vows. That night we talked for hours after the children went to sleep, then we had sex multiple times, like it was our first time. I promised to stop the affair and kept to my guns with preasure from the mistress who was also patching things up on her end.
We then consulted a marriage/ psychiatrist counsellor. for the obsessive compulsive disorder and the marriage. Then we planned a cruise in January of 2012 without the children and rediscovered each other with the best sex we ever had, like we were reborn! Now we average sex at least twice a week, and the intimacy is much better, as too the children are much older now and self sufficiant. Maybe, children wreck marriages with the chores and responsibilities etc?
I think it was the shock and realization that my wife had that she was loosing her Husband that jolted her to seek action and help. As before this revelation she refused to seek any help whatsoever, if it was a pride thing or what, we will never know! All I know is during our darkest times, she refused all attempts by me to seek marriage help, and always put the blame on me that I was the one with the problems.
But now we are back together and hopefully for the rest of our lives.
heartbeatjay1 46-50, M 9 Responses 4 Dec 20, 2012