What Happened

I'm 25, and I'll be married for three years this November.  It has now been over 2 months since I have had any kind of phyiscal contact w/ my wife.  This is the longest stretch to date, but it seems like there have always been stretches if you know what I mean.  When we first got married the "stretches" where because she was busy studing for College exams.  Now its becuse shes too busy, or she's tired, or fat, or she's too stressed.  All of which I have address in their own way.  When she was busy I help w/ house work or anything else that needed to be done.  If she was tired I would let her sleep or let her watch tv or take a hour long bath to deal with stress.  But the being fat really, really upset me and heres why:  I work out 5 times a week, I walk our 2 dogs upto 4 miles a day and I have to eat all the crappy diet food that she doesn't eat "cause it tastes bad".  Basically She has every oppertunity to be active, go with me to the health club, go on walks,  eat healthy.  I would be willing to pay to have someone work out with her.  I am just so tired of hearing I'm FAT while I watch her do nothing about it.  I'm starting to feel like if she keeps telling herself shes fat then I have to accept that she won't have sex with me.  Now don't misunderstand I love my wife and have tried to help her, l let her know that "I" don't think she's fat...And I really do  still find my wife attractive.  I am just really at wits end, I'm so frustrated all the time,  I just don't know what to do.  Were in the middle of an adoption and I'm so scared that I might as well chop off my penis and live my life as a eunch.  Help, am I just being used?
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6 Responses May 20, 2007

If you don't want to divorce her, maybe you should get separated. Do either one before adopting a child. It's much harder to leave when you have children. Plus, nothing changes. Your spouse won't suddenly want more sex. At least that has been my experience.

Why would you stay in a sexless relationship, do you need a mother that bad. Go get a women that likes sex. Why should you hate your life you only have one and do you really want to live sexless.

she is controlling you!

adoption??? dont you have a brain after all<br />
the sense and energy you portray?<br />
if that how you see life she could very well be<br />
chating on you.

WOW I did not go there. Get out of that marrage sexless relationship and a baby what is child support in you state you will be paying it.

I hope you don't tell your wife what she isn't doing to rectify the fat situation. Perhap you should ask her to go for a walk or cook her a healthy meal, I think helping her without words is smart in this instance. As for the lack of sex well you guys should really try to figure out whats going on. Excuses are just that- excuses. Give her flowers, kiss her touch her in nonsexual ways... see where that gets you. If she seems to be withholding sex out of anger or resentment then you need marriage councelling. Bringing a child into a marriage with problems will only bring more problems + a sense of entrapment. So it would best to be working something out before the adoption goes through....<br />
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Good Luck!

Budd, have you addressed the lack of sex with your wife? What does she say about your feelings? Have you told her you'd love to have her walk/work out with you? Sounds like she may be depressed---how old is she? Adoption at so young an age: can she conceive? If not, maybe she has hormonal issues along with her emotional ones. <br />
Young women are very often insecure but this isi extreme. <br />
I'm sorry you are going thru such torment, & I advise you to have "The Talk" about sex. Dont forget to tell her she's your ideal woman : ) <br />
but also let her know you want couples counselling about this issue if things dont change in the near future. Good luck!