Selective Memory DisorderI just came across a journal from 2005, when my STBX and I were planning our wedding. Check out these choice quotes:
"He is trying so hard to work out his issues with organization and procrastination."
"Then of course there is his job---which puts him in a grumpy mood and makes him feel hopeless and frustrated. He comes home exhausted and irritable every day."
"I can't depend on him to do his small share [of the wedding work]. He seems to be shaping up now and trying harder to do his part, but it's not like I trust him yet---he hasn't earned that. So I can't just sit back and assume he is doing it. I still have to think about it, ask about it, worry about it, etc. I hope he does do the things he's supposed to, but for now, I haven't crossed them off my list."
"As a result of all this, we've only been having sex like once a week. If that. We're just so distracted and tense, we aren't even interested, even if it might help us relax."
NOTHING HAS CHANGED SINCE BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED. Yes, he got much much worse after his depression, but it was so clearly there from the start: all the textbook passive aggression, the inability to be responsible, excuses for the lack of sex.
He arrives tomorrow to pack his stuff, and as usual, it's like I'm the only one IN the situation. It's like I'm the one who is getting divorced, just like it felt that I was the only one fighting for the marriage. In both cases, he forced me to make all the decisions, so that I would have to take all the responsibility.
What else is new?