I Pulled Back
So as my plan to leave slowly moves forward, I have pulled back emotionally and physically. I do not even seek out hugs or holding his hand (all things we regularly did.) I hadn't considered that in my effort to take care of me and stop seeking the affection and intimacy I saw desperately craved, I began to shake his comfortable world. The things that make him happy and content are now slowly withering and he is reacting. I have taken the power away from my refuser, from my passive-aggressive spouse and it is rearing its ugly, little head in a new fashion. He is cold, withdrawn, and more angry in general than I have ever seen him. It's really empowering to me. I do mean to sound like this is some sick, twisted game I am enjoying because it isn't. After I everything I read in articles and posts on EP, I am seeing that his behavior is predictable and there is power in that-that I am not crazy or making any of this up. That what has happened throughout our marriage has a name, that my feelings during this entire ordeal are now validated, and that in my process of freeing myself I can now see him for who he is. I don't hate him- I think I just feel sorry for him. That he is incapable of feeling the joy and pleasure of an emotional, intimate, sexual bond with his spouse. I cannot be angry anymore-he is built that way. I am just not built to continue keeping his happy little world happy anymore.