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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Just An Anecdote...

By: CravingSomething
Written on December 22nd, 2012
Woke up this morning with a condition that the men on this board will be familiar with.

As I laid there in my tent...I thought about how wonderful it must be to live in a marriage where you can reach out to your wife and trust that she will respond.

Then the realization that I am not welcome on that side of the bed.

Anger, frustration, sadness, loneliness.

Logged on to EP.

By: CravingSomething
Age: 36-40 , Male
666 people have read this story

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31 responses
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    Nightdew
    Nightdew

    U wrote about my life ;)

    May 22
    1 like
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    Unjusted
    Unjusted

    It sounds like I would enjoy camping... Someday, maybe someday....

    Mar 4
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      CravingSomething
      CravingSomething

      I am about ready to head out camping on my own.

      Mar 4
      1 like
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    TrulyMadlyDeeply38
    TrulyMadlyDeeply38

    I wish my husband woke up like that - such a turn on, and I don't think I'd be able to turn an offer like that down! Here's a question: is it common for men to wake up with a hard-on? or is it random/ occasional? I don't think he's ever woken up like that. I asked about it once, because it's one of my fave times of day, but he said it didn't do much for him. Is that normal?

    Jan 2
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      TheAbused
      TheAbused

      I wake up "tenting" frequently. I would love to know what being wanted was like. As it is now, if she behaves like she wantsme know she wants something else.

      @Ray: Ian Drury rocks (literally).

      Jan 3
      1 like
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      TrulyMadlyDeeply38
      TrulyMadlyDeeply38

      I wish things weren't so inequitable for any of us. It's sad. :(

      Jan 3
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      CravingSomething
      CravingSomething

      it's quite common. it's a bodily reaction to needing to urinate while asleep. don't ask me why, but it is. I'd love wake up one day to my wife taking advantage of that condition, but I know it will never happen. Sad. To know there are just simple things that you will never have because of who you chose. In the words of a very old knight: "You have chosen....poorly"

      Jan 4
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      TrulyMadlyDeeply38
      TrulyMadlyDeeply38

      Physiology aside, it is a wonderful motivator. For most of us. Sadly not for others. I keep getting stuck on your quote. The comments on my only "story" on EP directed me to think about choices. Wasn't prepared for that. Wanted to wallow. Am wallowing. But also beginning to think differently. And *feel* differently. It's scary. But exciting. Sometimes I can hardly breathe. But that's a good thing. I think. :) I dare you to think about things differently. Don't let fear paralyze you. ((BTW, and to celebrate how I'm feeling, I changed my user name! I hope that it will remind me, guide me in my choices.))

      Jan 5
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      tthetree
      tthetree

      Ok, I'll be a nerd, 'morning wood' is beyond common, it's essentially a manifestation of nocturnal erections or nocturnal penile tumescence [NPT]. Nearly all men (without a physiologically based erectile dysfunction) get a few of these a night. If a guy doesn't get NPT there really is something wrong (it's actually used as a method of diagnosis).

      So, morning hard-ons, one of nature's joys for normal couples (I only fairly recently rediscovered that many women enjoy waking up to this sort of thing [I want my wasted years back!]), but a cruel joke for those stuck in a SM.

      Mar 5
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    happinesswinsxx
    happinesswinsxx

    I was once the "refusing wife ", hate this term , it's not acurate.
    Now , still with the wonderful man i married, 26 years together, it makes my day to wake up to him pitching a tent. Sometimes, i'm not even fully awake and he wakes me up, in the nicest possible way ............

    Dec 23, 2012
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    PersephoneP
    PersephoneP

    I really think people are just hard wired differently. If I awoke to H making a tent on his side of the bed, I would HAVE to take matters into my hands (and a few other things.) This is going to make me sound like some kind of **** but if he pops up so to speak, I can't keep my hands off it. I don't get what it is with some women, I really don't. Maybe I am a gay male trapped in a woman's body.

    Dec 23, 2012
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      TheAbused
      TheAbused

      I think you're a woman who cares about the person you confess to loving. You sound to me like someone I would like to have my wife learn from.

      Dec 23, 2012
      1 like
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    TheAbused
    TheAbused

    In a April I will have been married 25 years. The marriage became sexless after the honeymoon. Haven't had the big 'O' in 22 years. If she won't go with you to counseling, as in my case, I would consider leaving. I stayed and as a result I have a hole in my heart you could drive a truck through. I'm left feeling unloved, unlovable, and undeserving. Although the kids don't know the sex end of what is going on, the tension and pain is obvious. For yourself and your child, get the emotional help and support you need. No one should have to go through this. I know. All the best to you and your child.

    Dec 23, 2012
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    noneforyou
    noneforyou

    I don't have that problem about reaching over to the other side of the bed...since I get to sleep in another room. I think that I remember sex. I guess it's been a while. If somebody reached out to grab me, I'd give it my best shot. Does it really fall off if you don't use it?

    Dec 22, 2012
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    GibbySan
    GibbySan

    I wish that in the morning my husband actually had an erection, and that if I reached out to touch it I'd get something more than an embarrassed and uncomfortable "Hee hee" or "peenie".

    I am not making this up.

    Dec 22, 2012
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      nyartgal
      nyartgal

      That makes me feel embarrassed, and I don't even know you guys.

      Dec 22, 2012
      1 like
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      GibbySan
      GibbySan

      Just thinking about it makes me cringe.

      Dec 22, 2012
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      GibbySan
      GibbySan

      Maturity-wise, yes.

      Dec 23, 2012
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      nyartgal
      nyartgal

      Ha! Oh my god.

      Dec 23, 2012
      1 like
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    nyartgal
    nyartgal

    I woke up with my super sexy boyfriend, we reached out to each other and made love before even getting up to pee. That was after making love before we fell asleep in each other's arms in the wee hours last night. I was in a 10 year sex-deprived relationship (7 years married) until July. Look at me now! My STBX is coming this afternoon to pick up his stuff. Ask me if I regret leaving!

    As Vaguestbaby says, "Don't envy me. BE me." ;)

    Dec 22, 2012
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      GibbySan
      GibbySan

      Sayonara, PA husband!!

      Dec 22, 2012
      1 like
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      nyartgal
      nyartgal

      Exactly! Nice guy, but don't let the door hit you on the way out...

      Dec 22, 2012
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      GibbySan
      GibbySan

      Hard to tell if someone PA actually IS a nice guy, or only pretends to be. Sad.

      Dec 22, 2012
      1 like
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    Maleficent77
    Maleficent77

    My husband puts a pillow down the center of the bed to avoid any accidental touching. That side of the bed is like another planet.

    Dec 22, 2012
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      amithecrazyone
      amithecrazyone

      I moved to the couch years ago; I take comfort in hearing the sound of a male voice on the financial news and spending a lot of time at the gym

      Dec 23, 2012
      1 like
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      GibbySan
      GibbySan

      When I go to the gym, I look at all the men and wonder if they refuse their S/O's just like my H does.

      Dec 23, 2012
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      CravingSomething
      CravingSomething

      I do that with women. Irrationally hating other couples... Envy I suppose.

      Dec 23, 2012
      1 like
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    nutmeg99
    nutmeg99

    Oh, it is NOT just men, my dear. Every morning(almost 14 years of marriage) I would reach over to him hoping he would respond....nothing, absolutely nothing. It's degrading. Now, I just imagine myself in another life laying next to a man that would not even need me to roll over and initiate....that I wake up and it's him starting things:) I know this life awaits....

    Dec 22, 2012
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      amithecrazyone
      amithecrazyone

      So degrading! At least in my case, I know that it's not me. He's not interested in any woman. I also feel sorry for him because he knows that I do not look at him as a man any longer.

      Dec 23, 2012
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      TheAbused
      TheAbused

      My wife has made it clear that it's me, because she doesn't turn down a few friends. Therapist thinks she takes it out on me because her ex was abusive. She can't be compassionate because of the word "husband".

      Jan 5
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      tthetree
      tthetree

      nutmeg99: in the normal world this most certainly exists and is enjoyed and welcomed, as a number of us escapees attest (no intention to crow). What's slightly weird is how quickly this complete 'miracle' becomes the new normal. It really is like waking up from the bad dream and getting back on with your life.

      Mar 5
      1 like