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How To Repair

So this has been the worst year for us. She refuses to let go of the past. When I saw the past I am referring to 6-11+ years ago. She says she hates me and can't stand me every day. She lets small arguments ruin the entire day. Today it was about who is making breakfast. As I was about to leave one of the kids asked her for breakfast. She said ask daddy and I got mad about that since I was about to walk out the door. Stupid I know but it has now ruined her attitude for the rest of the day.

She has broght me down so much. She says things like no other female is ever going to put up with you. You will neber find anybody to be with. You are going to be alone and miserable. It's what you deserve. She constantly talks about how bad of a person I am. I am a good person. I am not perfect. I do have flaws but I try to be a good and compassionate person.

That is all for now. Had to rant
lifespinning lifespinning 31-35, M 8 Responses Dec 24, 2012

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What the f-u-c-k is your problem? You can not FIX or CHANGE someone to make them fit your fantasy. This is usually a fantasy for a young woman; unusual for a grown man to think like you do. Your wife is evil. Period. Grow up and get out.

I am curious to know, are you actually married? And how soon after the wedding did she start behaving like this? I ask this because the very first thing we vow to do when we marry someone is love them. If this woman is your wife and she has always behaved like this, or very nearly always, then you might have grounds for an annulment, as she never committed herself to her vows. If you are intending to leave her anyway then this point will probably be irrelevant, but I am interested to discern to what degree people actually enter in to marriage with a clear understanding of their responsibilities, and I am also interested to discern whether the reasons that women refuse men are the same as the reasons that men refuse women.

Easy. Men refuse women because 1) their wife got fat or otherwise stopped taking care of herself, or 2) they are closeted homosexuals - they just wanted a wife and 2.1 children to please their parents or their employer or their social circle. Men might refuse their spouse if she is evil.

If your are a woman who is being refused, this is the real deal.

Hi Lifespinning,

I know what you are going thru since it has happened to me.

It is a living H e l l. So I told her I was going to divorce her and did so. End of story. I moved on and am happy once again and not walking on eggshells.

I got very sick because of it, so much stress on my body and blood pressure has never been the same since. If you are not physically sick as of yet then you are lucky so far.

Get out while you can and you have your health.

There is a good woman out there for you, but take your time for yourself first and have a clear head before diving back in.

Best of luck

http://www.verbalabuse.com/
Not familiar with it, but it looks like a nice site.

The reason she's saying all that nasty stuff to you?
Partly because that's actually how she feels about herself, projected onto you.
Partly because it makes you too weak and mentally crippled to get out.

First off-not true, you were a competent person before you met her, right?
You liked yourself fine before you met her, right?

I had a lot of confidence in my abilities before my ex started telling me all the stuff I couldn't do, supposedly trying to "help" me...Looking back on the me I was before the marriage...I was a LOT more confident.
Look back at yourself prior to meeting your wife-I expect you will have been far more confident.
Yes, your wife is deliberately crippling you.
I don't say that lightly, I mean it.
If she makes you believe you can't live without her, then she can use you freely.
Guess what all that means...she does not LOVE you.
You are useful to her.
That's it, that's all.

Nobody, NOBODY, deserves to have to put up with constant verbal abuse from anyone.

<p>You received a lot of very thoughtful comments on your other stories.</P><br />
<p>Anything resonate at all with you?</P><br />
<p>Perhaps it is time to get yourself into therapy. You are spinning and gaining no traction. Maybe a therapist can provide you some tools on how to get to living a higher quality of life - with, or without, that abusive spouse of yours - of which the dysfunctional dynamics your children are soaking up like a sponge..</P>

"She says she hates me and can't stand me every day." It is in your power to make her free from suffering... Leave her... She is destroying you...and in front of your kids...

Rant away, my friend.....emotional abuse only gets worse. I think you know that you will probably have to do something about this for your own good....your own self esteem. Time for a New Year Resolution.
Google ...eabuse... equi.org
For now, make the most of Christmas

Verbal and emotional abuse is no picnic. There is no camera to capture photos of those bruises. They dole it out privately and act like angels in public.

Can you leave? If so, consider it.

Re-read and remembered the children. Trapped like me I see. Love them! They will give you strength to endure.

Let your children give you the strength to leave.
A couple day ago my STBX finally agreed to move out after Xmas. It was a huge relief because he has made statements about staying in our home until the divorce is final which will take months. Anyway, he said he would move and then left to go spend the day with a friend. I had a normal day with my boys. Did laundry, ran some errands, played for awhile, made dinner. My 6 year old started acting up and refused to get cleaned up for dinner so he had to be punished, then we had dinner and got ready for bed. Such a typical day. When I was saying goodnight to him my little boy said to me, "Why was today so much better than usual? Even the time-out wasn't so bad." You see, he can feel the tension in the home and was aware of it's absence. I just feel bad that I've made him live with it for this long.,

That gives me hope....so worried about my kids in all of this!

M77, I'd rate up your comment if I could.

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