Am I Turning Into A Refuser?!As an update to my situation, i was contemplating leaving or staying in my SM. i was quite bent upon trying every last bit before i made my decision. i went to the counselor and that helped a bit but by the overall experience i was scared and finally emotionally broke the tie.Suddenly his no care attitude dint bother me. dont want to talk, eat dinner together, have family time, ***** about how bad i was to his mother, nothing hurts me anymore. the pain actual pain in my heart has stopped, even though i feel hurt. so i was moving along nicely trying to get some advice from the lawyers when suddenly he became very ill. he didnt tell me untill he had to be hospitalized for a day. i put my resentment aside and am still nursing him. he is kind of turing around and is much kinder and nicer than before. so we are here 1 month down this rocky path. he hasnt yet appologised for all the hurtful things he said or did. he is inviting his mom over to stay ... not helping!!
anyway i am still trying to make him feel better anyway i can but somehow the hurt and the scars keep emerging. its too painful to feel love let alone be intimate with him. to my surprize he tried his move on me yesterday morning and i was upset! i pretended to be asleep and in a verry deep sleep. untill he gave up and went down stairs. i cried inside to know that i had been cribbing and fuming about the sexless marriage and here i am refusing the very same thing. clearly my feelings have changed and i am a different person. people say refuser gains the power but i am feeling very sad, guilty and frustrated!