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Sexless Marriage Nearly Over, I Am Sexless No More!

After the 'difficult conversation' lots of things happened (I got laid, but that is whole other story).

The main thing is that I started divorce proceedings, told family/friends and sorted out my finances. (I have a job, a really lovely job!) 

In short I changed my focus from fixing a sexless marriage to building a new life.

I am immensely grateful to EP and the experiences I read on here.  I learnt a lot about myself on EP.   The Experience Project jolted me out of my 'fur lined rut', ie my dysfunctional marriage.  That relationship lacked sex, communication, and intimacy, how I put up with it for so long I don't know.

Through EP, I 'met' people who encouraged me not to remain sitting in misery.  I quickly grew in my understanding that I should want (demand) more from a married relationship.
 
One person in particular took the time and energy to challenge me to articulate my hurts/unhappiness and then move on to find a solution.  He enabled and encouraged me to embrace the fact that I am an attractive worthwhile individual. 

Collectively as well my friends and fans played an important part in my re-enablement.  You made a difference to my life, and a huge imporvement in my well being. 

I have been very fortunate in many respects, my divorce has been amicable.  My children tell me they are okay with the divorce, we are still a family, just one where mum and dad are not married.  Although, I am not allowed to have any 'sleepovers' yet!

I have grown stronger gradually and life has got better.  It is not all a bundle of laughs but I am immeasurably in a better position than existing in a stale, long dead, sexless marriage.

I wish you all the compliements of the Season, and a New Year full of laughter, fun, opportunities and love.

Payne x



NewBeginnings2468 NewBeginnings2468 41-45, F 13 Responses Dec 26, 2012

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your id name says it all sweet lady

I'm in the initial stages of divorce with my husband moving out recently. I'm devastated but trying so hard to be strong. Thank you for your positive message as it helps me move forward now.

Very happy for you...:)

Your optimism is encouraging!

Its encouraging to see that some of us have made the decision to be strong and move on. I am fairly new on EP and have been reading a lot of stories...There is a lot that can be learned from the wonderful people here that are or have gone through the same pain as me.
Gives us hope...Happy for you

I enjoyed reading your story. I guess EP (and my friends here) was also responsible for helping me "decide" to leave. It helped me to work thru things...is very therapeutic.

Takes courage,communications, and planning to do it as smoothly as you have. Kudos on setting a new course for your life.

Thank you for dropping by with an update. It is important for those who are hesitating to know that there is life and love beyond the SM.

My response is to Rob4Hope. Being rejected can be a two way street. As an AS guy, I am not behaving as a person with whom one wants to be intimate. I am not violent, unclean or desiring of kinky stuff. On the other hand, I can't read her signals and cannot relate to her needs. Not her fault or mine but that kind of communication takes two. ** What I am saying is that you might not want to take this rejection so personally. ** Me and mine have a bond despite the handicapped.

Congratulations. I want to hear about the "laid" part,...wink wink...

Actually, I am also in a similar position myself. My wife rejects me consistently, and our marriage is dead. We tolerate each other while we are in the same room. It is horrible and heartbreaking all at the same time.

Keep going forward, and all the best... :-)

Hoo-rah!

So happy for you and thankful for the encouragement it gives me!

That is great...I can only hope to have your courage. I am 32 & in a marriage where I am physically repulsed by my husband. :( It is sad, & I want a divorce but I don't want to hurt him , because he's a great guy. I'm a catch myself, which is WHY I am having such a hard time in this....I want to be with somebody that I at least want to have sex with!!! It is not fair to him either. I have not had an affair, and I don't intend to but I fantasize about other men constantly. The spark is not there, not sure if it ever was. We have no children, & I am so torn. He also makes a lot more money than I do, & he lets me know it...(I think that is his defense mechanism to get me to stay..) He is constantly asking me "how much was this, how much was that") He will buy me things and then throw it in my face later..I alway feel like I am walking on eggshells. .I am so unhappy, but so scared.......I don't even want to try counseling because I don't feel it. Please give me some advice...

I hope I don't sound harsh, but I have a couple of questions for you: How long can you live like this? If you have a best friend and she came to you and told you what you have written above, what would you advise her to do?

I wish you a better life that your current one.