Anatomy Of A (any?) MarriageWe meet, fall in 'love ', the companionship is awesome and the sex is great. Then we get married thinking it will 'complete' us, and it does for a while. With marriage, in addition to exclusive companionship, we also get family and social acceptance and it open doors to circles that singles usually don't. And there are financial reasons. Two people have higher purchasing power and we get a discount on rent and mortgage.
After the first couple of years of bliss, perhaps it is time for kids (or are we getting bored already?). In a world where there is no village (community) anymore and we grow up worshiping ourselves, none of us understand the tremendous burden kids bring to our lives. Of course kids are precious beyond anything, but they sure are a huge responsibility. Nobody tells us that, and if somebody did, it does not really register. Three kids is not 3 times the work, but is 5 times the work, not exactly sure why but maybe we should ask that IPhone SIRI why!
With kids, mothers shift their passion and laser-like attention from their hubbies to children. Time rolls on. And Dads, who never really woke up to the reality (or maybe they are on a different clock!), still want their wives to give them time/attention, dress up, be 'sexy', play, basically whatever they did when they dated and first got married. When that is no longer happening, they feel all alone. Ask themselves what the hell happened, what to do about the void, and start looking around if anyone will comfort them and baby them again.
For moms, juggling kids, chores, job, friends, family, personal happiness, and spousal intimacy, one or more balls are sure to be dropped. Or relegate some to the 'I will come back to this later' bin. Friends drifting away? Not able to give 60 hrs for that job? Husband is switching off? Daily happiness is becoming rare? We cannot press a few buttons and bring things back. A little bit of spite and payback thrown into the mix by all parties, and the package is complete for disconnection.
Is one more to blame than the other?
Can a relationship like this be saved? And should it even be saved, and at what cost? Because, in the juggle of priorities, perhaps some other balls need to be dropped in order to pick this ball up. Should we give up job/money for this? Pay less attention to the kids? Or swallow some self-worth? Or should we simply look elsewhere?
How typical is a story like this in America?