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Frustrated Beyond Measures

I sent a text message to my husband today stating the kids would be gone, we would be alone in the house, & it was time to party & get wild together. He came home, didn't speak to me let alone touch me, and fell asleep in the chair. I checked his phone to make sure he received my text & he did. WTH...... I don't get it?!?!?!
southernbelle93126 southernbelle93126 36-40, F 61 Responses Dec 27, 2012

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WTF is wrong with husbands now a days?!?!?!? They try to blame it on the women but truth be known its really them ...... It's not like it was 20 years ago where they were working 15 hour days .... Most women work just as much as men now :-/

I know what I would do if you'd texted me that. I mean, if my wife had texted me that. What a waste.

I can relate my bf seems to have lost his sex drive... Any other man would have been feeling like he hit the lotto...

sounds like my hubby.

If I was your hubby I`d make a point of getting off of work early fly home and jump your bones and other things.

I dream about getting a text like that from my wife...Mine gets annoyed pretty much anytime I even try to sit next to her....

sounds like my wife. 10 years ago we went to counseling, she would not participate in counselor recommendations. I gave up trying.

WTF? Is he suddenly Gay? I would have taken advantage of every second of that time!

Text me,I'll come over and **** you as much and you deserve to be **** and have you breasfeed me at the same time baby ;)

I dont either if thT was said to me it would have been on would love to have my women text me that

I don't get it either. I would have set a land speed record to get home.

WTF alright I am still waiting for that .txt.I would even get of early and have some role play fun ready to roll out.

make me that offer i would not turn it down, when done you would know you would be well satisfied, hubby must be stupid and self centered

He's all of the above

An old Letterman joke was the difference between fear and panic. fear was the first time you couldn't do it the second time. panic was the second time you couldn't do it the first time. I would suspect your hubby has seen panic and didn't like it. He proably would love to have sex with you but is afraid to try. some men's ego is easly broken and not easly repaired. As for the little blue pills, they didnt always work for me and it took so long to work. you also mentioned that he didn't last long. maybe this is what is bothering him. I don't know, but it will be really hard to get him out of this.

So in the meantime I just wither away

I don't know if this will help but you may try getting him a pump. The idea is to pull a vacumn on his penis, get it good and stiff, then put a stiff rubber band around it. It is suposed to keep it hard until the band is removed and lets the trapped blood flow out. It is also suposed to make it bigger over time. to get him out of the mood, afraid to have sex, jus be the sweet and caring wive your name implies. I had a pump once but never tried it with the rubber band so I am not sure about that. I have seen them advertized in some catalogs so I know they are around. Good luck

I feel your pain...... Must be so hard for you.

:-(

Either he's too embarrassed to even try to have sex by his problem or he's ****** someone else Cuz I don't think any man will just stop having sex.even if him and his wife have grown apart he will still have sex just to get his rocks off.or he has another person who is fulfilling his needs imo

That's what I'm sayin!! ;)

Maybe now its ur turn ;)

If I could prove it ..... I would ;)

OK lets get to work Sherlock!!

Don't think I'm not trying ;)

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Thats sad. but try talking to him. listen to him what he has to say. i would be jumping around if i get that mesg from my wife...

I've been in a relationship that become boring and less sexual. Today, I have an approach to maintain the excitement in our sex lives!

Wow!

You know southernbell i wish we were a couple cuz this morning i woke up and my lady was sleeping so i comenced to give here a full body massage while doing this she woke up and laid there enjoying it when i got down to her coochy she rolls out of bed and sais thanks then she left the room. i love her so much but i dont know how much longer i can do this. it sounds like we should be together southern we both need what we cant get

There must be mad i would **** you all over the house if that was me just saying xx

if there is nothing you havent done then screw this guy and step out and do them all again with someone else....me for instance :-)...life is short pretty girl , and sex life is even shorter, dont waste any of it

Southernbelle, I just happened across this post of yours. I'm so sorry for both you and your husband. He can't be very happy either. I think mild depression might be the reason. Remember, depression of the medical sort isn't feeling down because of something, it's feeling bland, no feeling, despite something to feel about. It may be your aggressive attempts just make things worse when he's unable to respond.

I wonder if your husband has any particular fetish. If so, you might try a little of that. I say 'a little' as I do think aggressive may be more of a turn off, if he's a little depressed, than a help. A small spark, not a big fire, to start with.

Sometimes you got to take the lead. You should have unzipped his pants and put him in your mouth, nuts and all. --kdx.

Sweet Cheeks.... I do believe I DID take the lead with the text..... A lady can only go so far ;)

Action speak louder then words. I use to get tired of always being the one to initiate sex. It's a two way thing. That is your husband for better or worst. That is the covnant you took before God. You shall be punished if you default on this marriage, so will he. **** all the responses telling you that you have a right to cheat--kdx.

Actions do speak louder than words .... You are so right!!!! I sent him this text, when he walked they our front door dinner was ready, & I had my apron on with nothing underneath it. He plopped his arse down in his chair & ignored dinner & me! So yes, actions do speak louder than words.

As for God and me ..... That's between God & me..... He is the only one that can & will judge me! So no pointing fingers .... Remember you point one at another .... You have 3 more pointing back at yourself. ;)

There's SOOO much more to this story that no one knows ..... 20 years is a long time.

True Love: "If my wife could not have sex for medical reasons or any other reasons. I'd still love her like the first time we met."--kdx.

I do love him... After all, he's the father of my children ..... But love doesn't solve all your problems nor does it conquer the world like the Disney Princess Movies suggest.

But would you go without sex for the rest of your life? Would you let your wife treat you the way my husband tests me?

Pssssshhhhh.... I doubt it.... If your love is sooooo Wonderful.... Why are you on this site ..... Why are you in this thread?

RIP Shannon. I am in this world alone. But l do have a new love-- Halle Berry. I love her spiriturally. That's the element of True love. Until we meet, or endeavors are understood. This site is good for me. I write about everything. I have truly done it all. I am waiting for my queen.

And I truly hope that you find your Queen .... But please don't settle just because you are lonely.

Thanx. Your good advice came 3 marriages late. This time, l'll marry my kind--a Star.

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He's just not in love or in lust with you anymore! I'm sorry to be so blunt, but something in him has turned him off of you. Either drag him to counseling and find out what the problem is or live like you've been living the past 3 years for the rest of your life or get a good divorce lawyer and get on with your life and I hope you will find a man that is in love and in lust with you and you are very happy! Life is too short to live like you are a monk and unhappy. You can support yourself and seem like a very fun, exciting, intelligent woman that many men would be interested in. If I had a good career I would be very happy on my own! Good luck to you!!

profound and in my humble opinion correct -but you dont need a career to find contentment - go for it

That's why I made sure to take care of myself long ago & finished college ;). You too can do it as well!!!! ;)

You should find someone else to ****. I suggest me. LOL

Text me.... I'll respond,...! Lol

may I ask how many years have you guys been married?

We have been married 17 years, but we have been together 20 years. ......
Dated for a year ... Then lived together for 2 years.... Then married.

I didn't want to marry him before several years of dating.

I sent a text to my husband today as i was leaving early from work. I asked if we could do something tonight as he is free too - the response i got was 'not really, i only had 4 hours sleep'. He only had 4 hours sleep because he stays up until 2am watching movies when he could be cuddling with me. Absolutely ditto WTH

OMG eeeeeee. ..... Mine is the opposite ... All he does is sleep!!!! :-/

WTH...... Is wrong with these men?!?!?!?

@ southernbelle...if he sleeps all the time, good chance it's depression. I dunno if getting him to treatment means you'll get laid, but he probably needs treated. Or you could do what hotcouple suggest...o.O...

I think you should tie his *** up and have your way with him. You never know, maybe that's what he wants and doesn't even know it.

My marriage was sexless for 20 years. Neither my wife or I knew what she needed to get her so turned on that she almost couldn't stop thinking about it. Now we have sex several times a week ( I'm 51 and she's almost 50 ). We often stay up until 3-4 in the morning *******.

Here's a text I got from her in the last couple of weeks after exchanging ideas about X-mas shopping. She says " Also, add this to your list...**** me in the *** with the vibrating ***** in me and butterfly vibrator on my ****. So ******* hot"

My wife was the "refuser" in the relationship. Finding her kinky side finally allowed me to show mine.

Jusy sayin :)

The toys are in his top dresser drawer next to the little blue pills..... I bet they both have dust on them.....

There's really nothing we haven't done..... I have even given him a B... While he was driving down the road .... We have had sex in a parking lot ..... We have been together since I was 19. We were VERY experimental lol.

That's why I'm having such a hard time with this .....

waow you both have so much fun earlier maybe that's why now you feel bad by his lack of interest in sex...

Yes.... That's why I'm so frustrated!!! We NEVER had problems in or out of the bedroom per say ;)

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My wife rubbing her bare breasts on my back would always get my attention no matter how tired I was or the fact that I had to get up early the next morning.

That's what I do as well .... But I'm tired of being the one that tries so hard to keep the spark alive.

no excuse......

Is he on any medication that could cause ED

Yes.... But dr gave him meds to help & he refuses to take them.

then go to your mothers wor the weekend and have a P.I. follow him while your gone and be prepared for truth that you may not want to know. Or just live with the him the way he is. It's sad but life is sad.

He could just be stressed the f&ck out.

He has no reason to be stressed ...... Things are fine ..... Except for the sex

I was the same type of husband that you describe. It wasn't that I didn't want to have sex with my wife, it's that I didn't know how to let loose and enjoy it. She is a very good Christian woman and I was afraid of what she might think of me. It was always in the back of my mind that she might judge me as kinky or worse if I really let go and lose my inhibitions, so I held back to protect myself from embarrassment. We are married for 35 years and love each other deeply but we have both missed out on an intimate relationship. I am sorry for you and your husband, but the problem may well be deep seated and psychological.

We have talked about it in the past & we have experimented ..... I think as he has gotten older he has become more conservative ..... :(

I would try talking to him about how this made you feel. If he acts like it wasn't a big deal and he continues to ignore you, I would find other interests, going out with friends, doing things for you etc... We can't always depend on the husband to fill all our needs.

Sounds like my house. I feel your frustration as well. Hang in there

get sextoy- vibrator or ***** cos u sure gna b needing it with non active man

I think you should really try to see whats wrong because it may not be that your marriage is over and whatever else people are saying that's really negative. He could be experiencing financial burden for the household or perhaps anger with himself for a recent set back of some sort, either way he could be at a low in his life and may need you more than ever to be there for him.

I make more money than he does, but that is his choice. He made more money, but decided to take another job that allowed him to have 3 day weekends every week. So he had to take a pay cut with that gravy job..... He expects me to take up his pay cut by paying more out of my checks & he just puts what he wants in the bank .......

He has been asked to step up the corporate ladder SEVERAL times, but he would have to be in the office all day & he doesn't want to do that.

southernbelle,

Wow, he didn't go nuts when he heard this? Are you not that important to him for him to have said that or acted that way? If I were him I'd have said, "Alright, sweetie, I'm gonna rock your world!" Not to upset you, but It almost seems like he's losing interest in your 'hippity dippity' activities or there's someone else he's smitten with. Perhaps, you ought to give him an ultimatum like, "If you don't give me some lustful affections, your dirty underwear are going to sit on the floor/bed/etc until you do! And don't even think about sniffing around someone else's fox hole!" Anyways, I wish the best of luck to you!

HAHAHAHA!!!!! You made me laugh at this!!! That was the 1st time that I ever sent a text like that..... And the last time ... Well at least to him.

As for washing his dirty underwear..... I don't touch those lol..... I work 50 hours a week .... He's a big boy..... He can wash his own clothes....

I wish my wife would send me a text like that. If I was stressed or tired and could not rise to the occasion there are other ways to please a woman. My wife is older, chubbier and I still want to do bad things with her. She has little interest so I know how you feel. I don't think its you. Maybe try sending a suggestive photo not slutty just a little on the sexy side and see if he reacts.

1st & last time I will ever send a text to him like that..... I don't take rejection well.... Especially from my husband.

As a guy myself, it sounds like there's definitely a stress that he's experiencing. We're usually always horny. But for sure, if he's having financial problems, or if you're nagging him, or you two have let the desire die between yourselves, then yes you've got huge problems. Don't ask him what's wrong because the truth may mentally disturb you. Since us guys are superficial, try getting your figure back to what it was when you first met. Then walk around the house in short skirts and t-shirts. If that doesn't do the trick then ask him if he's gay,,,lollol.

Why is it always the women gaining weight & out of shape?
I'm more in shape & toned than I have ever been ..... It comes with being neglected... I turned to exercising to release anxiety & frustrations ...... On the other hand, he has gained 30 lbs.

I've asked him to workout with me or to go running with me & he said exercise is too much work. So he comes home plops down on the chair & does nothing.

a good intimate relationship should not be based on sex alone but its a huge part of it and a very important at that... think about it that is what separates the relationship you have with your husband from the rest of the world... and im sorry to say but in my opinion i think that you should get to the bottom of this now that you are still young cause he might be with someone else and its a serious relationship or he might be realizing he might be gay and might be getting some on the side... im not at all trying to be rude just gave you and honest advice... sorry and good luck...

I promise you he's far from gay..... That's something I would never worry about..... As for someone else in his life .... Part of me wishes it were so, but I really doubt it as well.

I think we have come to a crossroads .... And my path is not as clear as his is. He thinks this is a normal thing in life where I know it's not & he doesn't want to get help for it. Nor does he think he should because after all he's these of the house.

yeah you know what i get you and i dont judge you its not only a you problem he has 50% the say in it so best of luck for your happiness... sometimes no matter how much you seek an answer you could only find it with time... good luck...

Thank you ;)

Sorry but I have to agree with riley7253 on this one. A good intimate relationship shouldn't be based on sex alone but it isn't a intimate relationship without it either. Try to spice it up every now and again. If your man came home thinking that you wanted him but you didn't act on it he might've just thought you changed your mind and didn't want him.

If that text message doesn't tell him I wanted him then nothing will.... I'm the one who always initiates sex.

For sure you are right about that text message i would definitely know what you meant if i received a message like that

:D

Your run of stories so far indicates (to me anyway) that you DO "get it", but it is such an intimidating thing to "get" that you find it way easier to pretend to NOT get it.

'Denial' is a very powerful force in these situations - and I suspect that very few of us have NOT indulged in denial as a coping mechanism - so you are not unique in adopting a denial position.

It does have a shelf life however, a point beyond which it is no longer useful or productive to you.

If your marriage is toast (and yours appears to be) then acknowledging that fact is your first step on a long and tough and challenging journey.

Tread your own path.

Yes & No, I "get it" ........ As my profile name states .... I am a southern belle.... Raised in the Bible Belt with the fear of God instilled in me ..... Momma always said a woman was strong enough & could make it thru anything.... Even their husband cheating on them for the "family's sake".

I was raised not to have desires such as these. I married an older conservative Christian man. What was I supposed to think, right? That's what I "think & get" ......

Substituting other persons (or institutions) judgement calls rather than your own informed choices is NOT a life enhancing policy.

yes but if you get to the bottom reason of why he is not doing it with you... and its something that can not be fixed then you dont have to be afraid cause it would not be your fault... do it now that you still have some years in you... rather then later when he decides its time for him to do it and you let so many years go by...

He has high blood pressure & one of the side effects is erectile disfunction. So the dr gave him several different pills to help with it. He doesn't take them because he says there's too many side effects.

Even though he knows & sees my sexual frustrations..... He would rather ignore them because he thinks my desires will just fade away as well.

sorry but i understand him too... to me its not anybodies fault its just something that comes with life... best wishes...

Excuse me - enough of this understanding BS "it come with life". There is a moral dimension to the SM, and it's this: we are constrained by fidelity in a marriage, and that implies a duty of care to help the other person be satisfied, however that can be done. This guy is not helping her, and that can be judged morally - and I do. I don't judge him for not wanting sex, but I do for not helping her.

I suggest reading the book Boundaries written by dr Henry cloud and dr John Townsend. It is written in correlation with the bible and it will set your thinking strait with just how religion deals with what you are going through. It will change so much of the fear in what religion says about divorce! Good read

This is true ..... For better or worse.... But it seems I get all of the worse .....

Thank you ..... I will check into it & let you know ;)

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Leave or find it on the side. It's up too you. You sure aren't going to find it in your marriage.

Oh !! only to read those words, it won't matter what when or where I'd be there now !!!. I'am sorry he feels that way, towards you. I've never had an experience where my wife told / text me that she wanted me. Most conversations were," you want to do what ? now? sorry I don't do mornings, afternoon or night, what ever the situatiuon was. My sympathies to you, I hope you can find a sollution, being together alone really sucks !

If only I had a man that would be so willing to run home to me :-/

I haven't been an EP member very long but I'am surprised how many of us are in the same situations, it is a shame that it couldn't be as simple as switching your partner for one that fits your own desires, or maybe a magic wand to fix things as they are.or maybe something, anything to help with the fustration.

A simple solution would be the best answer but unfortunately there's never an easy solution to a major problem.

He is tired? Sometimes you can actually be too exhausted for sex no matter how much you want it. He might have had no idea what to say because it is pretty awkward to say no as a guy... especially a husband.

All I'd say is to talk to him before jumping to any conclusions...

He's been on vacation since last Thursday & doesn't have to go back until the 2nd week of January. It's safe to say he's not tired ...... And trust me he has no problem telling me no ...... He just got up, went to the bedroom, said I'm going to bed, & closed the door .......

Yay it's another night in the couch for me ...... :-(

I don't get it either. If my wife ever texted me something like that, I'd find a way of leaving work as early as I could, drop my pants at the doorway and fling myself onto her lingerie-clad body. Or, if she was still dressed and it looked like a candle light supper first, with wine, I'd go for that, too.

Unfortunately, the last time I explicitly asked her if she'd like to make love, her response was, "Make love? I can barely stand to look at you. Why would I ever want to make love?"

And yet, we remain good friends. We never quarrel. We do still enjoy going out to dinner together, (on her terms, when she wants to), but I'm worried about that because we used to enjoy watching movies together, but when I invited her to do that on Christmas Eve, she said, "Oh, I don't think so. I'm not much of a movie person."

And yet I love her to the end of the earth. I have no desire to be with anyone else. But I do desire her, and it is not to be.

Wow.... To have that again would be nice :/

There is nothing wrong with you!!! I would give anything to hear those words from my wife! I know exactly how you feel. It sucks. Plain and simple.

A wise person on here once wrote, "By denying you intimacy, your partner is not failing to express how they feel about you. They are expressing exactly how they feel about you".

I found that to be a very sound piece of wisdom.

Now, there may be reasons that your partner is disinterested. I feel that as long as the two parties show genuine concern for meeting each other's needs there is hope.

If you are in a situation where one party is happy to maintain the status quo while the other pines for love and affection, well, you have a big problem.

Sadly you won't find the answer here, only a bunch of us in the same boat.

At least I have others in the boat with me, because I'm use to him rocking the boat until everyone falls out.

"A wise person on here once wrote, "By denying you intimacy, your partner is not failing to express how they feel about you. They are expressing exactly how they feel about you'".

Sad, but probably true. That's what I've been thinking, too. And yet my wife is the best wife I could possibly hope for in everything except the bedroom.

I wish my wife would send me a message like that its been over 3 years since we had sex, i gave up trying after the knock backs and mean and cruel comments. I've given up now

you should speak to him why is he ignoring you

I have & he said that I knew that he was 7 years older than me when we married. He's only 45 .....

what does age have to do with it and his excuse he is still young

That's what I say to him as well..... I'm not sure what his excuse is..... He just keeps saying that i knew these things before marriage. ..... But we still had awesome sex after we were married up until about 3 years ago

their must be something wrong is he depressed how old are you

No... I just think he's done with our relationship.... But I do not think he is cheating. If he's not at work he has our two teenage daughters.

I'm 39. He comes from a very conservative baptist family. But trust me he was far from being a choir boy when we met.

Now if the girls and I watch a movie with the f bomb in it he freaks out!!! And says out loud that he can't believe I'm watching that filth..... Don't get me wrong I'm a believer, but I'm not a hypocrite. I don't want to tell my girls they better not do something when I have done it myself .... I believe in guidance & love ..... Everyone makes mistakes.

well then there is a problem with him if he is a believer he should share his feelings with you unless he is a fake christian life is not easy
speak to a spiritual counselor

I think that you deserve to be happy and loved same as anyone, if you think he is done with the relationship you need to decide whether you want to be happy. Im at that point in my marriage where I've had enough its not an easy choice, ive got no friends, no kids, hardly any family but i still want to be happy and feel loved. We all need to be happy that is a basic need

That's so true! He is always right & it's never his fault.

YeS, we all need to be happy but at what or who's expense? I do have 2 teenage daughters.... I was/am a daddy's girl & I know my girls would be devastated .... He is an awesome Dad.

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In my opinion i just observe that at the point of some age women want's more love affection and some wild tricks but at the same age men always feel tired and feeling less coz of his busy work schedule earning many $ to make his family happy and he got less interest on sex just i supposed you to be good and make your marriage spice it up ask your hubby to go any vacation trip in these Christmas holidays and on that trip when your hubby relaxing i hope you both got a chance to becomes wild for sometime and this will turn your hubby a lttle bit and you got some enjoyment in ur married life....

We just came back from a 5 day Cruise to the Bahamas ...... After 2 days of him just sitting around .... I went to the dance floor & bar by myself

BTW.... He never touched me on the cruise .... Not even a casual brush :/

is he gay

i think not he is not gay but i think maybe his sexual pleasure ended and he is not gonna able to sex...

ooohhh he doesn't touch you on cruise that's sad for you coz every women needs a men touch and needs her hubby to being horny with her when she was and pleasure her i think you should talk to him about that matter why he is non active in sex are he have any affair outside or he is less interest in sex...

No.... Not at all .... He's a country boy

than the best way for you is to sit and talk to him personally about all aspects and all points and ask him clearly that what his problem why he least interest in you now...

Are you thinking about leaving him??
Is that an option?

I agree

Yes, I have thought about and still think about leaving him..... But I want to try to stay together while my daughters are at home .... That's 5 years ..... Now I'm just left wondering & pondering ......

I have tried to talk to him...... Only he just plays it off as its my fault ....

He has a way with words ..... Loves to twist & make you feel like ****.

The topic of what's best for the kids has been discussed on here at length. I urge you to look up some of it. There is the view - supported by evidence seen on this board - that children actually thrive best when the tension in the home is dissipated by the dissolution of a completely disfunctional marriage, wherein both parents are made happier by separation and by extension the children are made happier.

Personally my parents separation was the start of feeling comfortable in a home previously riddled with tension.

No, no, no, no. That is just so not true. It could be for some guys, but not for many. In my case, I'm a 62-year old man denied sex with his wife for 18 years, but just waiting for the opportunity, any time of the day or night. Yes, if I was getting it regularly, I might agree. Sorry, hun, I'm just too tired tonight. Not now, not after 18 years of wondering why I was so concerned about going into the priesthood and being denied sex. (Actually, I'm Lutheran, so I didn't ponder over the priesthood very long), but you get the point.

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ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS

No action happening here :/

Inaction is an action.

To be less obtuse, his lack of action shows you more than if he stood up on a chair and bellowed to the world "I don't give a flying **** that you want to be with me, I want nothing to do with you and I don't even care enough about you to let you know that".

Very true

stop holding it all inside please talk to him what are you a doormat
or his slave

I have...... This is a normal day

He doesn't want to talk ....... He said he doesn't want to take the pills to help because of the side effects.......

well dear you can not go on like that he must be up to something please do not waste your precious life on him do not cheat but file for separation

pills for what depression

No the little blue pill to help out

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That just sucks! I am sure you can keep doing that in the future and will get more of the same! Im sorry.

He's still asleep in the chair ...... BTW... just for clarifications he has been on vaca since last Thursday ..... & doesn't go back for 2 weeks.

and you're not going to get it either! I've stopped thinking about it with my wife....good luck.

I don't want to think about not having sex anymore :-/

I was in a relationship like yours, and am currently with a woman whose drive isn't quite like mine, and we make love once or twice a month. I have health problems that require several meds, and then a med for ED, and still I can't be with her as I'd like, but I still desire her 24/7 and have told her, teased her, tried to show her, but its like only when she wants it, not before.

There will come a time when you will definitely know if you should continue on, or change things drastically. I wish you the best in your decision.

:( Jeez...ow.

How that's the text I would've to got. : )

Hopefully one day you will ;)

Damn. That's harsh.