Should I Stay Or Go?

Okay, I'm in bind.  I have a wonderful husband who treats me like a queen.  He's so romantic, caring and sincere.  He's an excellent father and step father to my daughter.  He takes his position as head of the house seriously and provides for the family.  However, he is diabetic and doesn't take care of himself.  He doesn't take his insulin consistently, nor visits the doctor on a regular basis.  Since, he was diagnosed with diabetes in 2001, we haven't actually had sex.  I've heard others tell me how we can be intimate in other ways, but it's honestly not enough for me.  I feel so guilty because he's such a great guy and I just want out!  There are other factors I feel guilty about, like the fact that it would break our five-year-old son's heart if we split.  In addition to that, I'd have the burden of providing for my children on my own.  So, that is why I'm so confused.  I know that I'm not happy, but I sometimes feel that as a mother I should sacrifice my happiness so that my children can have a nice life and my husband who didn't ask for the disease (although doesn't do much to help the symptoms of it) can be happy too.  What would you do?  He's 41 and I'm 30, so the age difference causes issues from time to time.  I've heard of women who are okay with not having sex, but I'm not one of them!  HELP PLEASE!
prissysmiles prissysmiles
26-30, F
7 Responses May 21, 2007

lostinspace- not everyone who is treated well in their marriage is guaranteed to be happy. my husband treats me like a goddess in terms of what he does "for" me, but in other aspects he's a brick wall and does nothing FOR me. that's a little play on words, but even if someone does absolutely everything to try and keep you happy (i.e. laundry, etc.) if there is no comunication and no sex, things ultimately suck. *shrugs* just my opinion...

i am sorry... i did not understand why you are unhappy in the marriage and why do you want "out". He treats you very well. i think your situation is the exact flip side of my situation as well as others in this forum. many of the forum treat their spouses very well, yet, their spouses for unknown reasons, are not happy in the marriage ... why are you not happy in the marriage ? inquiring minds wants to know...

Wow, those are great comments, thank you so much. It is so nice to have a variety of angles to look at this situation from. It's hard when you're "in it". Well, I talked to him candidly about how I am feeling. He agreed he'd swallow his pride and see a doctor soon. I told him if it doesn't change then I will definitely leave. I don't want to be without the intimacy that I crave any longer. As for a toy, well we tried that together first but it didn't last long. I think it made him feel inadequate. So, I tried "pleasing myself" for awhile, but the temporary satisfaction only pacified the situation. So, I will give him a couple of months to see a doctor and try some new ways to approach his erectile dysfunction. Let's hope it works! Thank you again, all of y'all for your help. I will take it one day at a time for now.

....easy to say buy a toy, do you love him? Of course we love our partners but at some point, our love for ourselves should prevail. prissysmiles I understand you and I admire you have stayed just for your son. Ultimately you only can decide what is best for your I agree with lostcancerian though in the point that if you decide to get out deal with a therapist in order to know how to deal with your child. Whatever your decision is, good luck

the depression could be helped by meds, as for the sex thing, i vote for a toy- then once you have yourself somewhat satisfied and less depressed you might have a clearer fr<x>ame of mind to decide what you want/need to do...<br />
if you are truely unhappy and need out right away i suggest couples counceling to make it as easy to deal with for your children as possible. hugs*

Yes, I do love him and that is why I have stayed for six years. Now, I am struggling with loving myself enough to say enough is enough. The age issue doesn't bother me much except for him being okay with the way this relationship is. He's set in his ways and has too much pride to get help with his erectile dysfunction and it's making me sad. I feel like I'm not worth the effort. I used to be so tiny and cute and now I'm fat and depressed. It's not his fault, it's my own for allowing myself to get to this point, but it's guilt that keeps me in the relationship. I love him, but not enough to continue on this way.

Do you love him? My wife is also 11 years younger than I, never had any issues with it (started dating when she was 22). How does he feel about all this?