The Meaning Of My MarriageI live in a sexless marriage.
One of the upsides of this, if you can call it that, is that you have some time on your hands to think about your predicament and look for some meaning. Like, what does it mean to be married, and what comes along with it. While I am no expert in this field, living the life has given me one perspective (opinion) about it.
I believe the idealized picture of marriage is just that, a picture. Think of the Christmas cards we receive every year in December. But what really is behind this picture?
Marriage is a legal contract created by society and government. Its ob
But what else are the legal requirements? There is no law that says that you cannot have a separate social life. There is no law that says if the spouses did not have sex with each other x times a day/month/year, they are punished. There is no law that says if you had sex outside of marriage with consenting adults, you are punished.
I love my kids. They are very young. They need me. Since I had a hand in them being born, I have an obligation to care for them. I cannot abandon them or think about providing distant parenting. But I cannot forever push my wife to have sex with me if she does not want to (tried that for a while), or ask her to set aside some 'our' time.
Get out? Can't do that now, see paragraph above. So what should I do? My plan: approach parenting as a business. That way, we can do it efficiently, and put the children first in our decisions. Moreover, I need to be able to maintain a 'civil' relationship with my wife so that we are not fighting all the time. For my emotional 'needs', I cultivate circles of friends and some lovers. Yes, that is right. I reject all fantastical idealized notions of the rules of marriage. It is my life and I don't want to be controlled from the graves of nameless people who pontificated ages ago on how I should live MY life. For that matter, if we adhered to ALL their rules, we would be stoned and killed in short order - remember what they also said about women being subservient and divorce being punishable and one race being better than another...; we should not pick and choose.
I can imagine some folks will disapprove. Please be kind while you express it! :-) It is my personal choice and I am not trying to impose it on anyone. But I would love to hear what you think, I appreciate the advice. I am here to learn. And FYI I reserve the right to change my mind at any time!
raidenthor 31-35, M 13 Responses 6 Dec 28, 2012