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My "marriage"

Hi. I'm new here but was thankful to find a site where I can relate to so many others about something that is very real and disturbing in my life. I have spent the last 3 years (the age of my youngest child) in a sexless marriage. My husband makes no attempts to change this, and nor have I. We talk about, make fun of ourselves, and compare our marriage with that of our friends daily. It's just that recently, I'm over it. I NEED sex to feel like a human being. I have seeked attention from other men forever, but now it's a mission. I have not physically cheated (yet) but I am have definitely mentally and emotionally strayed from my marriage. I have discussed the need for counseling with my husband repeatedly. We have 2 wonderful children that I would love to spare the stress of divorce from. Recently, my husband found some correspondence from me to another man on my computer (dumb me). I simply said "We need to have a sexual intimate relationship again or I may stray and I will have little control of that." Surprisingly, he understands and is more determined than ever to save our marriage and seek counseling. We shall see.
Nursegurl Nursegurl 31-35, F 6 Responses Dec 29, 2012

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Im glad to see there is hope in a sex life again. I know how that feels...good luck.

Yep the trigger of « I’m gonna search elsewhere » is mega behaviour set off, its as if Ur challenging his ego, man don't take that. his now on a mission in his head which is positive...go girl n’ good luck

<p>-----"We need to have a sexual intimate relationship again or I may stray and I will have little control of that"</P><br />
<p>I give you kudos for being that open and honest with the husband.</P><br />
<p>You have told him what the consequences of long term intimate neglect will more than likely be.</P><br />
<p>Action now needs to be taken. He either steps up to the plate and gets intimately engaged with you so you two, TOGETHER, can make this relationship satisfactory for BOTH of you. Right now you do not have a marriage, you have a relationship. If you BOTH work together then you might have a marriage sometime in the future.</P><br />
<p>If he balks and foot drags about counselling (and whatever other action needs to be taken to respond to this marital emergency), he has been duly warned of possible outcomes.</P><br />
<p>You are at elevated risk for divorce. I recommend you have a contingency plan in place. You can do that while simultaneously working with the husband (if he becomes amenable) to get your relationshipback into the marriage category.</P>

My marriage is the sameway but unlike you i did stray and I cant stop. I love the attention i dont get at home..= (

attention is there when it's new but after the sex a couple of times it wont be the same besides the men you sleep with aren't obligated to you, doesn't live with you or has to be responsible .

Stray meaning cheated? Does ur husband suspect anything cuz there’s an aura exchange Ur having with others which he should feel if his really connected to you

Welcome to ILIASM. There are dozens of reasons why your partner may not want to have sex with you. Read the other stories here. There is a lot of collective wisdom that will be helpful.

At your age, you shouldn't be having this issue. It's early enough in your marriage that there is still hope to identify and repair the issues. Work on it right away. If too much time goes by, the damage will be permanent. Given that you're already straying emotionally and your husband doesn't seem to care, you may already have passed the point of no return. If so, don't waste too many years trying to figure that out.

Good luck.

Weird !. I think it's important to have sex from time to time but sexless marriage ! why ? is there problem in your husband ? disease or something because men often asks for sex. I find out and talk about that with him you have to ask him "why you dont ask for sex ?".