1-year Contract

So. It being almost New Year it is time to talk openly about where we are going and what we want. So we did.

My husband has issues to overcome. Weight, depression, anxiety, alcoholism... So far he has come a long way. He is sober for 4 months already, he has come off all his psychiatric medication in the last year and he is willing to look at his weight/exercise/smoking. So there is some positive activity there.

I said to him that the last 2-3 years have been hell for me and my perception of our relationship is very damaged. I said I wanted to have a clear conversation and see where we are at. And we managed this.

We talked properly about what we want from our lives as individuals. We talked about what we want in a relationship. We talked about how to achieve these goals and we decided on a plan. This plan has 1-year to bear fruit. If in 1-year from now we are in the same place or worse we are getting divorced. The goal being that we will both be able to say that we have given our best and it is not enough, so we part in peace.

I see that there is the potential for this to work out. Its not going to be easy, but then nothing worthwhile ever is.

If it does not work I will walk away knowing that we both tried.

In the meantime I have enrolled in my University degree and am getting on with that anyway. If it does not work out with us I will already be one year closer to my own personal goals.

I am looking forward to the new year. I am going to train hard, eat healthy foods and work on my self as well as my relationship.
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2 Responses Dec 29, 2012

When you can discuss these very sensitive issues without rancour and without abuse or denial, you have a GOOD chance (IMO) of a good outcome. It seems you are able to state clearly what you feel and what you need and your husband isable to hear you.

Your husband's efforts are praiseworthy and to be encouraged. And I agree with Baz, focus on yourself (but not to the exclusion of your relationship) and continue improving your own life. If your husband can keep pace, then the two of you may well be one of this forum's success stories.

If this sadly does not happen, you will be in a good place to forge your own future anyway. Best of luck!!!

Knuckle down to YOUR plans over the next 12 months. Make your choices based upon what are YOUR best interests over this period. Make your choices as informed as you can.

In 12 months time, you ought be flying. Whether he is still in the picture then remains to be seen.

Tread your own path.