Needs: A Rough Draft.Hello, the following is being written to eventually give to my wife. I could really use some help refining my list. Caring input would be greatly appreciated. If there are any questions about what I am talking about please read my other post here or ask. Once again, please forgive my poor writing skills.
1) Every Wednesday, I am going to have a daddy daughter day. When I get home from work I am going to take our daughter out to do whatever I want to do with her, alone. She is over a year old and has yet to spend more than 20 minutes alone with me. She has yet to spend more than 20 minutes out of your sight, period. This is not normal and not okay. I deserve time alone with my daughter and to not be corrected in my parenting techniques. It is a sign of a power struggle and trust issues I feel are unwarranted and cruel towards me. I would really love it if you would take this time for you to go and do something for yourself, you deserve and need time all to yourself.
2)I do not want the dog to go to your parents house, I just want her to be socialized with the rest of the family. I would like her to have access to the entire house and the opportunity to be around the rest of the family, our daughter included. When I said that she should go with your parents that was said out of a desire for her to be able to socialize with with other packs- your parents and their dogs, That wasn't a good answer to the problem of her being isolated from her family. I think it is a cop out to offload the dog on your family rather than deal with the issues underlying the dogs original confinement to the back room.
3) Every Friday we need to have a date night. When I say date night what I literally mean is time alone together. I don't really care what we do- sit together on the couch or go hiking. It doesn't matter. I need you to make more time for me and our marriage, simple as that. I know your mother would love the chance to watch her alone and I think it would give you an opportunity to give up a little power and to trust that your mom is capable of watching our daughter.
4)Our daughter NEEDS to sleep in her own bed. I need time with you and she needs to be more independent. she is 15 months old and I really feel like attachment parenting has taken away my role as a husband. I see the value of constructing a caring, nurturing environment for our daughter but our roles and husband and wife have been neglected and this has left me feeling lonely and resentful. If we don't nurture our relationship, she is going to learn that being distant and cold as husband and wife is normal. I don't want that.
I love you. This is coming out of my desire to have a better, more fulfilling relationship with you and our daughter. I don't want you to take this as a personal attack. This is my desire to be closer with you and with our daughter and my desire to be more active as a parent. I need to be able to have my say as well. This is a 50/50 relationship, I cannot accept any less.