Wtf?!I have been in a sexless relationship/marriage for 16 years.
The morning after our wedding, I woke up sobbing. Did I know then that it was a mistake? Perhaps. Though I've never really thought of it as a "mistake." He is a good man; I am a better person for having grown up with him.
There has never been any predictable frequency to our sex life. Except, I suppose, when we tried 28 times/months just to get pregnant. Oddly enough, that experience didn't break us. Nor was it much fun.
Other than that, we go, on average, 1.5 - 2 years without sex/intimacy. WTF? I don't get it. And I want it. I want that feeling of skin on skin, sweaty, breathless £>#%ing.
We had a difficult, yet calm conversation about this "topic" a few weeks ago. A few days later, broke the sexless streak of more than a year and a half.
And now here I am, I find myself angry, hurt, hopeless. I don't expect anything to change.
A week ago, I slept with another man. ((It was amazing. Left me wanting more. All the time. Everyday. Now.)) And, no, no guilt on my part. And no expectations for more. If it happens, it happens.
I'm not prepared to leave. Though I worry that I am squandering the best years of my life. I worry what menopause will bring. I don't want to regret not loving-living more; truly, madly, deeply, and passionately.
WTF?! Now what?
TrulyMadlyDeeply38 41-45, F 5 Responses 4 Dec 29, 2012