New Year New Me - 2013 Will Be My YearWell, its certainly been a while since I posted anything on here.
If you were stood on the outside of my marriage looking in you would look and probably think that nothing had changed. To some people we still probably look like we have to perfect marriage and to others they can still see the false facade that is painted trying to hide the cracks in the relationship, but yet regardless as to what people see we are still together and we are still very much sexless.
However, what a year 2012 has been... It may well have been one of (if not the worst) years of my life, but it has also opened my eyes to what can be and to making sure that changes will be made and 2013 will be one of the best years of my new life...
So where do I start... well, first of all I went on an exotic holiday with the hubby, we were treating it as a second honeymoon in an attempt to try and improve things between us. This didn't really work out too well as all he was interested in was sleeping, eating and listening to his i-pod.. what a suprise. Still... we did make some good friends whilst out there so all was not a complete disaster. Then on the last day of the holiday I began to feel quite unwell, but since we were due to travel home, I tried to take my mind of it and get on with it. By the time I had returned home, I was much worse and to spare you all the graphic details, after a few trips to the doctors it turned out that I had contracted Salmonella poisoning. Bad enough in itself, however, mine was so severe that I ended up at Hospital on a drip in an attempt to re-hydrate me.
I eventually made a full recovery from that, just to got out with some friends and one too many bevvies later ended up slipping over and breaking my ankle in 2 places.
Then... I ended up being rushed into hospital with suspected Deep Vein Thrombosis, which eventually after numerous blood tests and scans turned out not to be (Thank the Lord) and after a course of anitbiotics I made a full recovery.
Just as I was fully back on my feet again my Mum went and had a stroke. Luckily it was only a small one but was certainly enough to scare the family into starting to take better care of themselves.
Through all of this, the main things that I have learned is that not only is my husband not there for me in the bedroom but he's also not there to support me through the bad times, that the only person I can truly rely upon is myself, that I am a hell of a lot stronger than I had ever given myself credit for and that all of the unhappiness and misery my marriage is causing is making me ill.
So... Next year, I will be ending my marriage. I now know I am strong enough to do this, I know that there is someone out there for me who will love me just as I am and most importantly I will be happy and healthy.
2013 will be my year to stop being paralised by fear, to stop staying in an unhappy dead marriage just to please everyone else and to stop being so deeply unhappy.
Instead it will be my year to make moves towards being happy, to clear out everything in my life that makes me feel worthless and unhappy and to start living my life how I want and how I deserve to live it as a happy and healthy woman. 2013 will be my year and I wish all of you a very happy and healthy new year too.
livininhope 31-35, F 17 Responses 9 Dec 30, 2012