I Live In a Sexless Marriage
This past week my STBX finally showed up to pack and move his things. A job that should have taken 2 days max but of course stretched to 5 because of his ridiculous disorganization, passive aggression, who knows what. But believe it or not, the experience was GOOD.
I really expected this was going to be the worst week of my life. I was committed to feeling everything I felt, and if that meant crying all day every day, so be it. I wasn't going to try and distract myself or hold anything in.
It was the opposite! I saw him, we talked, and I felt...FINE. I didn't cry, though he did a lot. I wasn't angry, or resentful. I felt totally calm, and more than anything, just completely OVER IT. All of the romantic/sexual feelings were gone, replaced by friendship and a connection based on our past together. Everything he said and did over these 5 days only reinforced that I am doing the absolute right thing by divorcing him. I felt happy, in fact---like this marriage is part of my past, the good and bad, the happy memories and the painful ones. It has come to a close and I've moved forward. I no longer have to spend so much of my brainpower and energy trying to understand his crazy-making behavior. I'm free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile, SSSG (Señor Spanish Sex God) has been AMAZING. He put everything aside to make sure I had whatever I needed to get through this week. He couldn't have been more loving, understanding, patient and affectionate. He actually came over every night after my STBX left, we hung out/had dinner/etc and OF COURSE made love. Then in the morning we'd make love again, have breakfast, we'd both leave and my STBX would come over to continue packing. Oblivious as usual, he had no idea. In any case, what started as a torrid affair is really turning into an amazing relationship. We are officially "boyfriend and girlfriend" (ha! I feel like I'm 15) and every minute we spend together is so sweet and sexy and fun and interesting. I have never felt like this before.
I really had no idea a relationship could be like this. The way that we speak about marriage or relationships in this culture seems to separate the relationship and one's "sex life." We ask questions like, "Ok, you love him, but how's the sex?" as if it's separate from every other aspect of togetherness, a side category. But it's not, or at least it doesn't have to be. It can be woven into every fiber of the relationship between two people. I'm not sure I can articulate it exactly, but it's a completely different paradigm than what I'm used to.
I am so happy, but it's not a forced happiness to make up for something that's missing. Its not a hysterical happiness to prove everything's ok, even when it's not. I'm just HAPPY.
Once again, to all of us who have suffered through a SM: do not lose hope! And don't waste another minute wondering if there is something better out there, if you can be happier, more satisfied, better loved, more fulfilled. THERE IS, AND YOU CAN. Don't wait!!! Happiness awaits you...grab it and enjoy every millisecond!
I really expected this was going to be the worst week of my life. I was committed to feeling everything I felt, and if that meant crying all day every day, so be it. I wasn't going to try and distract myself or hold anything in.
It was the opposite! I saw him, we talked, and I felt...FINE. I didn't cry, though he did a lot. I wasn't angry, or resentful. I felt totally calm, and more than anything, just completely OVER IT. All of the romantic/sexual feelings were gone, replaced by friendship and a connection ba
Meanwhile, SSSG (Señor Spanish Sex God) has been AMAZING. He put everything aside to make sure I had whatever I needed to get through this week. He couldn't have been more loving, understanding, patient and affectionate. He actually came over every night after my STBX left, we hung out/had dinner/etc and OF COURSE made love. Then in the morning we'd make love again, have breakfast, we'd both leave and my STBX would come over to continue packing. Oblivious as usual, he had no idea. In any case, what started as a torrid affair is really turning into an amazing relationship. We are officially "boyfriend and girlfriend" (ha! I feel like I'm 15) and every minute we spend together is so sweet and sexy and fun and interesting. I have never felt like this before.
I really had no idea a relationship could be like this. The way that we speak about marriage or relationships in this culture seems to separate the relationship and one's "sex life." We ask questions like, "Ok, you love him, but how's the sex?" as if it's separate from every other aspect of togetherness, a side category. But it's not, or at least it doesn't have to be. It can be woven into every fiber of the relationship between two people. I'm not sure I can articulate it exactly, but it's a completely different paradigm than what I'm used to.
I am so happy, but it's not a forced happiness to make up for something that's missing. Its not a hysterical happiness to prove everything's ok, even when it's not. I'm just HAPPY.
Once again, to all of us who have suffered through a SM: do not lose hope! And don't waste another minute wondering if there is something better out there, if you can be happier, more satisfied, better loved, more fulfilled. THERE IS, AND YOU CAN. Don't wait!!! Happiness awaits you...grab it and enjoy every millisecond!
By:
nyartgal
Age:
36-40
,
Female
