I Am So Happy

This past week my STBX finally showed up to pack and move his things. A job that should have taken 2 days max but of course stretched to 5 because of his ridiculous disorganization, passive aggression, who knows what. But believe it or not, the experience was GOOD.

I really expected this was going to be the worst week of my life. I was committed to feeling everything I felt, and if that meant crying all day every day, so be it. I wasn't going to try and distract myself or hold anything in.

It was the opposite! I saw him, we talked, and I felt...FINE. I didn't cry, though he did a lot. I wasn't angry, or resentful. I felt totally calm, and more than anything, just completely OVER IT. All of the romantic/sexual feelings were gone, replaced by friendship and a connection based on our past together. Everything he said and did over these 5 days only reinforced that I am doing the absolute right thing by divorcing him. I felt happy, in fact---like this marriage is part of my past, the good and bad, the happy memories and the painful ones. It has come to a close and I've moved forward. I no longer have to spend so much of my brainpower and energy trying to understand his crazy-making behavior. I'm free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, SSSG (SeƱor Spanish Sex God) has been AMAZING. He put everything aside to make sure I had whatever I needed to get through this week. He couldn't have been more loving, understanding, patient and affectionate. He actually came over every night after my STBX left, we hung out/had dinner/etc and OF COURSE made love. Then in the morning we'd make love again, have breakfast, we'd both leave and my STBX would come over to continue packing. Oblivious as usual, he had no idea. In any case, what started as a torrid affair is really turning into an amazing relationship. We are officially "boyfriend and girlfriend" (ha! I feel like I'm 15) and every minute we spend together is so sweet and sexy and fun and interesting. I have never felt like this before.

I really had no idea a relationship could be like this. The way that we speak about marriage or relationships in this culture seems to separate the relationship and one's "sex life." We ask questions like, "Ok, you love him, but how's the sex?" as if it's separate from every other aspect of togetherness, a side category. But it's not, or at least it doesn't have to be. It can be woven into every fiber of the relationship between two people. I'm not sure I can articulate it exactly, but it's a completely different paradigm than what I'm used to.

I am so happy, but it's not a forced happiness to make up for something that's missing. Its not a hysterical happiness to prove everything's ok, even when it's not. I'm just HAPPY.

Once again, to all of us who have suffered through a SM: do not lose hope! And don't waste another minute wondering if there is something better out there, if you can be happier, more satisfied, better loved, more fulfilled. THERE IS, AND YOU CAN. Don't wait!!! Happiness awaits you...grab it and enjoy every millisecond!
nyartgal nyartgal
36-40, F
6 Responses Dec 30, 2012

Thanks for sharing your story...Gives all of us hope that if we choose to walk away from our SM, we will not end up alone. Enjoy your new found happiness and enjoy life to fullest!!

Thank you, and don't give up---happiness awaits!

Hey lady. So happy for you! I hope you don't mind I sort of used your name for my new one. :) Congrats! (formerly catliz75)

I'm honored! :)

Thank you for sharing! So nice to know and feel your joy and happiness! Happy New Year!

Thanks and right back atcha!

Just want to say I am SOOOO happy for you. The realisation that you are truly FREE in mind, body and spirit, is immensely liberating! May your New Year with SSSG be the sweetest, the happiest, the best of your whole life . .so far! {{{hugs}}}

Thank you so much, Enna! Freedom is everything. And being truly loved...well, that is the sweetest thing on earth.


I'm so happy for you!!!

Thank you!


Sounds like you are doing great.

Glad your love affair is going along well. My only advice from one who has previously rebounded....take it slow. It takes a good long while to get to know someone, and the intoxication of the sex and heady beginnings can make one a bit punch drunk. Enjoy yourself as all get out, just don't make any living together/commitment decisions for a while. I know not everybody is as stupid as me, but a word to the wise.

Have fun!

Definitely---I don't know where this is headed, but I am enjoying each minute. One thing at a time!

I am currently watching my sister go a little nuts. She is going out with a really nice guy, and it could turn out to be really wonderful. But, they have only known each other for three months and she is thinking about marriage and kids (this from a couple's therapist...I know you aren't doing anything at all like this...just sharing because it is so surreal)!

She even told me that she could never picture them fighting.

I am all about true love and romance. But, woah!

Definitely has great potential...but sheesh!