I Also Live In A Sexless MarriageHi all,
So glad I found somewhere I can go and get this off my chest.
I have been with my husband for 8.5 years, married 6. We have a small child.
My husband and I had a great start to our sex life when we first got together. Except, I made all the effort and initiating. This wasn't a problem for me at first, as I was coming out of being celibate for 4 years by choice. So I was a little excited lol
Anyway, about 5 months into our relationship, my husband moved in with me. And then our sex life took a nose dive. I discovered he had ADD a couple months before this which explained why he would start to get drowsy and fall asleep right on the dot at 10 at night. I thought it was me at first, but I learned it was his medication.
I read the medication made him this way and lack sex drive, so I suggested he speak to the doctor about stopping. And he did. I thought it would've improved things, but it didn't.
Our sex life was still not good. I was in love and chose to overlook this and ended up marrying him thinking this was something I could help him overcome. I ended up getting pregnant with my son a few months later.
During these years, my husband spent a lot of time on the Internet, gaming, etc. I came across p o r n on his computer. I was pretty angry, as he never initiated sex or showed me he desired me and it started to affect my self esteem.
I pleaded with him to pay attention to me and expressed my concern over his lack of concern meeting my needs and spending alot of time by himself. I started to grow lonely in our marriage.
I asked him to have his testosterone checked, everything was fine. I asked him to see a therapist to get help for himself. Not to brag about myself, but I am an attractive person and couldn't understand why he never came onto me. It really hurt, as I was getting passes made from other people, but the one person I wanted it from couldn't give it to me.
So fast forward several years now. The sex diminished to the point where it was 5 times last year. I stopped trying to initiate. I got fed up with feeling rejected, inadequate and being the only one making effort.
He didn't seem to care enough to try no matter how much I was upset about it. Well, finally the last nail was in the coffin this past may. I was using his computer for something and found p o r n again. I was devastated and hurt. The last of any loving feelings I had were done.
The problem was, we have a small child. My choice was, do I stay and live in an unhappy marriage for the sake of him? Or get out and get someone who deserves me? Well, after alot of soul searching, I told my husband yesterday that I wanted a separation. And now he seems to be in denial. We talked about him getting an apartment, and he keeps talking about stuff we need to do around the house. So now I need to get him out!!
Thanks for reading if you got this far. Oh and in case you are wondering I am 38 and he's 34. I'm too young for this crap.