Another Year And I'm Still HereWell, my business idea hasn't taken off--so I have to work out something else. Homeschooling my special needs kid is helping him, though he is often feeling conflicted and resentful toward his dad. Dad is alternately sorta nice to him (as only a narcissist can be), then turns around and tells my boy he's a "moron." DH refers to him as "the retard." I put this down, but it doesn't go away for long. I'm also hearing from DH that I don't equal his superior "class and sophistication." I was hoping this might mean DH was thinking of walking out, but his current strategy is to wait us out. He wants to throw our son out on his 18th birthday, knowing I won't stand for it--and probably go with him. He wants the house. With me, he is alternately all hugs and then lets me know I'm responsible for all his problems. My kid and I do lots of eye-rolling. DH makes up for this by buying us stuff, which I'm fine with. My son got a new (albeit cheap refurb) computer for Christmas, and I can finally toss my twelve year old parka, since he spent forty dollars on a marked down ski jacket at an outlet. Yes, I am thrifty and only have discretionary income from the odd jobs I do.
I have not found an adequate school placement for my son for next year, but hope a alternative public school program might do. Losing hope that my county will pay tuition at a special needs private school for him. We DO need to get out of here. My family (out of state) agrees, though none of them are willing to let me move in with my special needs kid. They are soon to be empty nesters and don't want to help me raise my kid. That would be the best situation--raising him with the help of experienced successful parents for a few years. Moving him in with extended family with strong male role models and someone at home after school.
But no. They are enjoying their freedom, and I don't blame them.
So, this is the year I figure out how to get out. I have one more class to take to get certified for another aspect of my business. Then it's all marketing.
Still hoping my cement head husband will meet some girl and walk out. I can't stand it that I walk around thinking "I hate you...I hate you..." after every interaction with him. Just want him out of my life. I'd be thrilled if he found some idiot who would make him happy.
Happy new year.
sterlingrose 46-50, F 3 Responses 0 Dec 31, 2012