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Ugh! @$&;(!!!!!

Frustrated is an understatement!!! I've done everything I was suppose to do...I've been the faithful wife, I've forgiven your indiscretion, dealt with the child of your adultery, the child support coming out of my house...after that hurdle I deal with you cheating AGAIN, leaving then getting back together to be rewarded with NO sex NO intimacy NO affection?!

I really don't even know why I am posting I know what needs to be done...need strength to do it....
AlwaysIrritated AlwaysIrritated 36-40, F 9 Responses Jan 1, 2013

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Beautiful woman don't be sad, don't stay frustrated. He isn't worth the sex you can give, he doesn't deserve your intimacy or affection. Value yourself as the wife that you are and demand the respect that you've rightfully owned. Be faithful, be strong through these rough waters you have endlessly sailed through but whatever you do don't settle your anchor. Don't let the desperation push you to throw your anchor into the storm, you may lose everything you have worked so tirelessly for but there are some things life can't take away.

You say you are a faithful wife, stay being faithful. Stay being the wife? Well that is your choice beautiful woman.

Thank you White Knight, that was well said and taken to heart.

It was given from my heart to be received by yours and i hope, not only my words. Do you still find yourself beyond frustration?

I dont know what take to stand a situation like that,humiliate beyond measure, specially when you don't see the reason cause how you say you done everything to be a keeper, and it's not like he is not having sex, is that he is not having sex with you, you are the only one who knows why you stayed until now and I won't judge you, but you need to know something every day is a new opportunity for you to do something to improved you situation, there many fishes in the sea, but only one life to live, you can live without much money, even without water for 13 days, but without dignity and self respect, every day is unbearable . Hope the best for you, notice is a new year perfect time for better life resolutions

Though I havent't dealt with the kinds of issues you have, I know what it is to not have the strength...

Good luck to you.

Thank you.

He sounds vile and not worth another moment of your time. Please get yourself out somehow. x

You've got to figure out a way to get out before you support more of his various lovers' children.

I think you first need to look deep inside yourself and find out why you let this man treat you this way, why you just take it and keep taking it.

HE's obviously a tool, but what do YOU get out of it?

Once you figure that out, you can more easily get yourself out of the situation and not revert back.

I do....I think that's my first step...figuring out me. For so long I've devoted all my time to try and make him feel special, wanted, desired, love and neglected myself in the process...thank you for your input.

I hear you... been there 10 years myself.. . now separated. Life can be better, but it has to be from within yourself.

<p>Oftentimes no good deed goes unpunished.</P><br />
<p>If there is no WE in the marriage (and, according to your short story, there is not), only you and him, then why not start living your life to that reality?</P><br />
<p>There are things that you can do right now to start living authentically, and to put more emotional distance between yourself and the spouse. The distance will help you get started on your journey to living a higher quality of life.</P><br />
<p>You know what you have to do eventually. You can take action right now and do some physical things to start the process (if any of these would be applicable):</P><br />
<p>1. Remove your wedding ring(s).<br />
2. Move into a separate bedroom.<br />
3. Comport yourself with dignity and grace and distance while you discharge your household responsibilities. Do not engage in any intimate way him - drop all expectations of intimacy. Freeze him out emotionally. Reduce your dealings with him to logistics only. Be firm and friendly, but keep that emotional distance.<br />
4. Place him into roommate and responsible financial partner status, not a spouse.<br />
5. Seek legal counsel.<br />
6. If needed, seek individual therapy to help you move out of this phase of your life and into a new one. You might need some tools to help you deal with this.<br />
7. If you do not have social support outside your immediate family, build one.</P><br />
<p>You will probably still love your husband, but that does not mean you are meant to remain with him until the end of your days.</P>

Thanks! Makes so much sense!

I can only say that here is a person that makes sense even if you're not ready to hear it, try to remember it.

I will :-)

**** him off and start living.

I know why your posting. It's not an easy thing to leave. It's a scary messy thing and you need someone to say "it's okay, it's going to be okay" over and over again, each step of the way. Time to circle the wagons, gather your friends, your lawyer and may be a therapist. You are one hurting little bird, time to fix that broken wing. I have gone through this pretty much all by myself but, you don't have to. If you want to fix your life and realize it, you will

Thank you for your kind words...needed to hear that. I am one who has faith in everything and everyone but myself I guess...I love him and keep hoping its going to change if I just stick it out a little while longer ... I need to love me ...

The difficult thing is admitting to the reality and then taking action. If you hang around this board long enough, you will find that the members are compassionate but frustrated by those who refuse to see reality and are only interested in gaining sympathy with no intention of taking action. It sounds to me like you have been a victim. Once you admit to whatever your truth is, it becomes your obligation to address things. Otherwise, one is choosing to be a victim..But it's hard

Hard is an understatement...but I assume you know that. Basically, what you're saying is **** or get off the pot...excuse the phrase...I can understand that theory....my decisions need to be final there has been some back and forth, separated back together...I m devising a plan...thank you again for your input...

The speEd of other people's journey is different and MUST be respected.

Agreed!! Very well said.

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