I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Ugh! @$&;(!!!!!

By: AlwaysIrritated

Written on January 1st, 2013

Frustrated is an understatement!!! I've done everything I was suppose to do...I've been the faithful wife, I've forgiven your indiscretion, dealt with the child of your adultery, the child support coming out of my house...after that hurdle I deal with you cheating AGAIN, leaving then getting back together to be rewarded with NO sex NO intimacy NO affection?!

I really don't even know why I am posting I know what needs to be done...need strength to do it....

By: AlwaysIrritated

Age: 36-40 , Female

390 people have read this story

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29 responses

TheWhiteKnight

Beautiful woman don't be sad, don't stay frustrated. He isn't worth the sex you can give, he doesn't deserve your intimacy or affection. Value yourself as the wife that you are and demand the respect that you've rightfully owned. Be faithful, be strong through these rough waters you have endlessly sailed through but whatever you do don't settle your anchor. Don't let the desperation push you to throw your anchor into the storm, you may lose everything you have worked so tirelessly for but there are some things life can't take away.
You say you are a faithful wife, stay being faithful. Stay being the wife? Well that is your choice beautiful woman.

Jan 2
2 likes
- AlwaysIrritated
  Thank you White Knight, that was well said and taken to heart.
  
  Jan 3
  1 like
- TheWhiteKnight
  It was given from my heart to be received by yours and i hope, not only my words. Do you still find yourself beyond frustration?
  
  Jan 5
  1 like
TELLYM

I dont know what take to stand a situation like that,humiliate beyond measure, specially when you don't see the reason cause how you say you done everything to be a keeper, and it's not like he is not having sex, is that he is not having sex with you, you are the only one who knows why you stayed until now and I won't judge you, but you need to know something every day is a new opportunity for you to do something to improved you situation, there many fishes in the sea, but only one life to live, you can live without much money, even without water for 13 days, but without dignity and self respect, every day is unbearable . Hope the best for you, notice is a new year perfect time for better life resolutions

Jan 2
2 likes
jd1988

Power to you! No one should have to put up with that.

Jan 1
1 like
pamelamc

Though I havent't dealt with the kinds of issues you have, I know what it is to not have the strength...
Good luck to you.

Jan 1
2 likes
- AlwaysIrritated
  Thank you.
  
  Jan 1
  1 like
chocciebean

He sounds vile and not worth another moment of your time. Please get yourself out somehow. x

Jan 1
1 like
sweetbutterbiscuit

You've got to figure out a way to get out before you support more of his various lovers' children.

Jan 1
1 like
zsuzsilowinger

I think you first need to look deep inside yourself and find out why you let this man treat you this way, why you just take it and keep taking it.
HE's obviously a tool, but what do YOU get out of it?
Once you figure that out, you can more easily get yourself out of the situation and not revert back.

Jan 1
4 likes
- AlwaysIrritated
  I do....I think that's my first step...figuring out me. For so long I've devoted all my time to try and make him feel special, wanted, desired, love and neglected myself in the process...thank you for your input.
  
  Jan 1
  1 like
- zsuzsilowinger
  I hear you... been there 10 years myself.. . now separated. Life can be better, but it has to be from within yourself.
  
  Jan 1
  1 like
mvcmvc

Oftentimes no good deed goes unpunished.

If there is no WE in the marriage (and, according to your short story, there is not), only you and him, then why not start living your life to that reality?

There are things that you can do right now to start living authentically, and to put more emotional distance between yourself and the spouse. The distance will help you get started on your journey to living a higher quality of life.

You know what you have to do eventually. You can take action right now and do some physical things to start the process (if any of these would be applicable):

1. Remove your wedding ring(s).

2. Move into a separate bedroom.

3. Comport yourself with dignity and grace and distance while you discharge your household responsibilities. Do not engage in any intimate way him - drop all expectations of intimacy. Freeze him out emotionally. Reduce your dealings with him to logistics only. Be firm and friendly, but keep that emotional distance.

4. Place him into roommate and responsible financial partner status, not a spouse.

5. Seek legal counsel.

6. If needed, seek individual therapy to help you move out of this phase of your life and into a new one. You might need some tools to help you deal with this.

7. If you do not have social support outside your immediate family, build one.

You will probably still love your husband, but that does not mean you are meant to remain with him until the end of your days.

Jan 1
6 likes
- AlwaysIrritated
  Thanks! Makes so much sense!
  
  Jan 1
  1 like
- 40scool
  I can only say that here is a person that makes sense even if you're not ready to hear it, try to remember it.
  
  Jan 1
  1 like
- AlwaysIrritated
  I will :-)
  
  Jan 1
  1 like
rustydog43

**** him off and start living.

Jan 1
3 likes
marriedandsexless

I have the same issue but not the same reasons. I have been married 27 years and for the last five or six there has been little or no sex. My wife blames it on early menopause. I hope you can solve your problems. I have tried pretty much all I can think of to try and bring back our relationship. I have even offered to let her sleep with other men. I think she feels that it is because if she sleeps with someone else I will sleep with other Women. that is not thecase but if things don't get better soon I will.

Jan 1
1 like
- AlwaysIrritated
  I'm sorry your in the same situation...wouldn't wish this on any one. Do I LOVE sex? ABSOLUTELY! However, it's more than the physical act with my husband...it's affirmation, affection, intimacy...all things needed for a healthy, happy marriage. I think I could deal better if affection and desire were there, but it's not. As for you, have you tried researching pre menopause and the effect on sex, going to the doctor to see if there are some medications or something that can be done? IF you believe it's early menopause and NOT an excuse try a little harder before giving up. My opinion...don't want to offend....
  
  Jan 1
  1 like
- marriedandsexless
  No Offense taken I appreciate your input. I have Talked to her about the doctor and maybe supplements or something but always get the same answer that she is fine.. We also have no intimacy,or affection not even a kiss good night. She Just rolls over on her side with her back to me and goes to sleep. I have suggested counseling to no avail. I don't want to give up but I have needs also..
  
  Jan 1
  1 like
- AlwaysIrritated
  I understand. It may be difficult for her to come to grips that she's not the woman she was...maybe even a little embarrassing. I pray things work out for you and your wife. Just try to reassure her of your love for her, that's she's completely desirable to you and you want nothing more than for her to be happy. Baby steps...maybe the first time won't end in mind blowing sex but you'll get to hold her hand...just a thought...
  
  Jan 1
  1 like
- zsuzsilowinger
  "always get the same answer that she is fine."
  That's nice for her. Have you told her that you are NOT fine with the arrangement? Of course SHE's fine.
  
  Jan 1
  1 like
- 40scool
  I hear ya brother. The whole affair is so opressive. Seven years for me so know that there are others who understand. My best to you. I won't call you a saint, I'll just say that there are few who would hang on that long.
  
  Jan 1
  1 like
2 More Replies
amithecrazyone

I know why your posting. It's not an easy thing to leave. It's a scary messy thing and you need someone to say "it's okay, it's going to be okay" over and over again, each step of the way. Time to circle the wagons, gather your friends, your lawyer and may be a therapist. You are one hurting little bird, time to fix that broken wing. I have gone through this pretty much all by myself but, you don't have to. If you want to fix your life and realize it, you will

Jan 1
2 likes
- AlwaysIrritated
  Thank you for your kind words...needed to hear that. I am one who has faith in everything and everyone but myself I guess...I love him and keep hoping its going to change if I just stick it out a little while longer ... I need to love me ...
  
  Jan 1
  1 like
- amithecrazyone
  The difficult thing is admitting to the reality and then taking action. If you hang around this board long enough, you will find that the members are compassionate but frustrated by those who refuse to see reality and are only interested in gaining sympathy with no intention of taking action. It sounds to me like you have been a victim. Once you admit to whatever your truth is, it becomes your obligation to address things. Otherwise, one is choosing to be a victim..But it's hard
  
  Jan 1
  1 like
- AlwaysIrritated
  Hard is an understatement...but I assume you know that. Basically, what you're saying is **** or get off the pot...excuse the phrase...I can understand that theory....my decisions need to be final there has been some back and forth, separated back together...I m devising a plan...thank you again for your input...
  
  Jan 1
  1 like
- redwaterlady
  The speEd of other people's journey is different and MUST be respected.
  
  Jan 1
  1 like
- AlwaysIrritated
  Agreed!! Very well said.
  
  Jan 1
  1 like
2 More Replies

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