Today!I'm not sure if this story is prompted by the fact that I have now been a member of ILIASM for four years - or if it is the time of the year (new beginnings and all that).
Today - right now, in the next twenty four hours - I ask everyone still stuck in Sexless Marriages, to DO something to move their situation forward. Decide if you are staying or going. Or if you are staying for x period and then going . . . And having decided, DO something to move that decision on from where it is right now.
Staying? Fine. Decide how you can make your own life more bearable and plan for that. Don't just think about it - actually DO something about it. Phone that friend you want to catch up with. Join the gym. Read those books (or see those films) you want to catch up with. Check out enrolment for that course you want to do. Start that hobby you want to take up. . . . What you do is your choice - the significant factor is that you DO something to move your choice in a forward direction.
Leaving? Fine. Decide what you need to do in order to achieve that. Make a plan. Don't just think about it - actually DO something about it. Make an appointment with a therapist. See a lawyer. Check out your finances. Read the Real Estate pages to see what is available to rent (or buy). What you do is your choice - the significant factor is that you DO something to move your choice in a forward direction.
Paralysis, inertia, batting your head against a brick wall . . . all of these are common and very understandable in Sexless Marriages. But these things only result in ongoing anguish and mental torment. If you have read widely here, you will know what your chances are of "fixing" your situation - and in most cases, these chances are very low indeed.
Hoping that you can miraculously discover a "cure" through some action of your own, or that your spouse will enjoy an epiphany and miraculously change the behaviour of months (years, decades?) is to deny reality. Once you choose to recognise reality and accept it, you have no choice but to endure or move forward.
Why would you choose to endure? Enduring signifies allowing your current state to continue exactly as it is. It means stagnation. It means prolonging the agony . . . Why would ANYONE allow that to happen for any longer than necessary???
HOW you move forward is up to you. If you choose to stay in your marriage, then make the best of your OWN life. This does not mean you undermine your spouse's life or your family life. It simply means choosing to do the things that will improve your own situation - opportunities for outlets for your energy and emotions that are missing in your relationship. Find and DO things that make you feel better, more contented and less fragile.
If you choose to leave, begin the process of your leaving. Formulate your Exit Plan. Enact the first item on the list. DO something to move the process towards your separation.
Make your New Year's resolution one of ACTION. Tell yourself: "I only have one life and I'm going to make the best of it."
enna30 56-60, F 26 Responses 39 Jan 1, 2013