My Plan For Moving Forward From My 9 Year SM.

***1/2/13 UPDATE***

I got a call from my attorney this morning with good news!!  based on the last couple weeks of my STBX's behavior, and the conflict that is ensuing, I pushed my lawyer for a quick and speedy resolution in order to get this over with ASAP.  So, this morning she called to tell me that she had spoken to H's attorney about setting up an early mediation in the next 2 weeks, so we can finalize this sooner rather than later.  Apparently, H's attorney also expressed concern about us still living together throughout this process as well, and wants to help us reach a peaceful agreement quickly.  H's attorney is going to look for mediators for us to use for our settlement, as is my attorney.  Apparently, H also has an appointment with his attorney at noon today, which I was not aware of.  Good thing I pushed for action with my lawyer last week after all the cop drama happened, and before he could meet with his attorney today.  BOO-YAH!  PROGRESS!!!  THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!!  


I decided to make my response to Enna30's post "Today!" my own story.

Since my H has already filed for divorce, and I have counter petitioned through my attorney, the ball is already rolling for this to end.  Today and yesterday, I sent my attorney 3 emails.  One, asking her in 10 bullet points how she plans to help me move through this process expeditiously with as little conflict and cost to the pocketbook as possible.  Second was an email explaining 3 scenarios I want to present to my STBX about the marital home.  Third was detailing my financial expectations and custody expectations in my settlement.  

Tomorrow, I see my individual therapist to go over the gas-lighting, crazy-making and instigating conflict that STBX is doing to try to trap me for documentation purposes.

Day after that I see my psychiatrist to tell him the same thing, mention how STBX is trying to frame me based on my psychological issues (depression, anxiety, etc.).  I want him to know that H is trying make a case on me based on his supposed judgement of my mental instability.

I called all my doctors and asked them for heightened security on my records so H doesn't have access to them for his own purposes of making me look bad.

I am going to ask my employer for ANY opportunity that comes available to be hired on full time with full benefits and salary ASAP.

Now that holiday craziness is over, I plan on starting back to the gym at least 3 days a week.  I've already lost 30 lbs., so that's hopeful.  :)

I am going to look at houses that I might be able to afford, and see where I want to live if we sell the house or H insists on keeping it.  Buying me out might make the best sense financially for me in the long run.  We'll see.

I'm in no hurry to get into a relationship or even consider dating.  Probably not even until this year is over.  I have a lot of work to do on myself, and rebuild my life into one I want and feel happy with.  Even with having lived in a SM for 9 years.  :)  I can be patient.  

I plan on doing things with my boys as much as possible and being present with them as much as possible, even while H is still living here.  

My affirmations:
I'm a damn good mom.
I'm not crazy.
I'm smart, funny and talented.
I deserve to be happy.
I deserve to be content and at peace with myself and all around me.
I deserve a man who will love me with every ounce of his being and treat me with the love and respect I deserve.
I will not allow my STBX and his family pull me into a trap to make me look bad, nor will I react.
I will not engage in anger or discussion with STBX.
If push comes to shove, I will leave a conflicting situation with STBX and cite that my attorney told me to do so.
I will learn to love myself again.
I will start taking care of myself again.
I will make my boys my #1 priority in addition to myself.
I will be happy again and free from all this craziness.  Eventually. ;)

txmusicgal txmusicgal
36-40, F
4 Responses Jan 1, 2013

You're much saner than most people. And when you execute on this, you'll achieve the happiness and freedom of your last point. Needn't be eventually either, the happiness and freedom can come from within.

thanks hl. i hope i'm sane, at least partially ;).

This is awesome! You are so focussed and pro-active! How dare your husband try to make you feel crazy and try to trap you into behavuiour that does not serve your own best interests. I agree with Baz - the drone is just that - a drone! {{{hugs}}}

thanks enna! lol, drone! :) that's funny.

It's a pretty handy plan - and will keep you busy, and thus minimise the amount of time the drone will have to bait you.

Keep your cool.

Tread your own path.

thanks baz. :)

Oh bravo, truly! Keep us posted.

i will for sure! thanks!