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Text Message Update #3

I was awaken at 5 am to my husband screaming at me for everything that has happened to us in the past years since we have been married.

He blames me for everything ... It was my fault that he was in this situation where he is always broke. (It's not his fault that he decided to take another job that he KNEW he would have to take a 6% pay cut?!?!?!!!)

He said ...I'm the one that wanted to have children & cause stress on his life. (My Girls are the best thing that i can say has EVER happened to me in my life!!!!)

He said......I'm the one that doesn't pay my fair share of bills around here (we have an arranged set of bills... He pays his, I pay mine, & we split the remainder.... That was HIS arrangement from the start!!! Now that he makes less $ .... He expects me to pay more!!!!)

He screamed at me for going out NYE & not being responsible.... He asked me why didn't I have the decency to text him to let him know where I was & to let him know i was ok.... I reminded him that I DID tell him where I was, who i was with, & what i was doing ......... I asked him why didn't he have the decency to text me if he was really concerned?

I asked him why didn't he ever touch me? He said that he didn't "know where I have been!"

He called me a *****, a selfish ****, a *****, and so many other unimaginable things that a husband would call his wife.

That's the straw that has literally broke everything between us!!!
I have NEVER been unfaithful !!! I hate this man with everything inside of me .... I can't even look at him anymore ....

I have tried and tried and tried to stay, to be a faithful & to be a caring wife, but I can not handle this anymore. .....
southernbelle93126 southernbelle93126 36-40, F 43 Responses Jan 2, 2013

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I am sorry to read about your experiences with this man. What a jerk! How much longer are you going to stay and put up with this stuff. My wife has a friend who acted just like your husband blaming her for everything going wrong in their life. She later found out he was having an affair with another guy. Yes another guy and once divorced came out of the closet with him. I wish you the best and hope you finally let you inhibitions go with your fun. Would love for my wife to have fun like you and your friends. Take care.

Ouch, that was like giving you a kick in the gut. He doesn't sound like much of a man. Good luck to you.

So sorry!!!:-(

That is horrible. This sucks. Be strong and do the right thing (even though I know this is a several month old post). There is no excuse for this. He needs to have his head examined.

Yes, he does unfortunately.

I am sorry you are having to go through all of this. I know it's not pleasant. Before my wife and I decided to divorce, we were absolutely miserable. She was mean and hurtful for a long time. After we finally got all our feelings out in the open, we became friends again, and knew that divorce was the best thing. We are now divorced, but good friends. I know it has been a couple months since you wrote this story, I don't know what has happened since then. I hope you are well and happy, whether you are with him or not. Good luck, and have a good night.

We coexist under the same roof .... But that is all.

We do not even talk unless we talk for the purpose of our children, which most of the time they handle the small talk.

He sounds stressed beyond belief! Idk your story tho.

That is seriously.... jacked up.

I think you need to find somewhere to go temporarily because that's a really abusive situation. :(

This kind of emotional and verbal abuse is ridiculous. Sound like he is feeling inadequate and can not understand his feelings. So he lashes out at those around him. Some one who handles their feelings this way NEEDS help with dealing with these feelings or their life will never seem good. You NEED to take care of yourself but also understand that the biggest problem you described here is HIS not yours.

My point exactly. You shouldn't be abused but she also said in sickness and in health and he is sick. I should read more of these stories first tho before I really form an opinion.

Oh my, let it out girl...you have endured your measure of BS it seems. I really see you being very successful from the moment you re done with him. Keep your eye on the ball and complete the severance as soon as is reasonable. And, at the same time don't take less just to be done with him.

Really, how does this happen? How do we get in these situations? After reading a few stories here that support my suspicion, I think we are attracted to this type. Beware the second time through not to be sucked into another similar archetype.

I am a very independent person. I do not see myself with anyone anytime soon. I take pride in the fact that I can take care of my daughters and myself without anyone's help.

As for me settling .... That's not going to happen either. Whether its with the divorce or a man.

There will not be any "sleepovers" at my house lol.... They will not even be allowed to bring a toothbrush .... lol
It will be more if a thanks for your services now leave ... ;)

I unerstand your pain 'cause im in the same boat.. Married 29 yrs.. Dammm

responding with anger rarely resolves issues ,, good luck

I still have not cheated on him..... But there's no connection between us at all.

Exactly.. I"m believe in the "till death do us part" She is the one who wants out.

Yes.... I'm the one that wants out because I want both of us happy. Why should we be miserable for the rest of our lives.

Our relationship has become toxic. It's not healthy at all.

yup! time to let that one go for sure.

darling i would enjoy being your first escapade if and when you do choose to mess around, i will enjoy showing you what it like to be satisfied ;) ahh well doesn't hurt to dream huh , please add me if you don't mind we might even get a chance to chat,hehe

Sorry to read your stories. He must not be ok with himself. Sorry for him too. The peak "stuff" is not necessarily true, at least for me. I think I am not at my peak yet and I am guessing I am a little older. External factors, such as stress, being unfaithful, etc..., may be the reason. I wish you the best. Sending hope and love.

Wow, this is tough for sure. There are no easy answers and this won't be pretty but there are services available for you should you need them. Good luck and chin up.

Mean and nasty people can't stand seeing themselves when their recorded because no words ever have to be spoken because a holes see themselves for what they are to others.

Bullies !
Jerks
Buttheads
Or Anything Else !!!

If You Ever Do This I'd Enjoy the Laughs !

Reasoning and logic are impossible to deal with for some people but not for people like us !

Set Your smartphone on video record then show him how crazy he's treating You on your tv, playing back his whining !!!

Good Luck !

Look at Anger books and leave them in the house for him, maybe he'll read them ???

Love it!!!

If what you say is true, then divorce your husband.

It's in the works ;)

He sounds like he is about to have a break down. You need to leave for your safety and the safety of your children. If he was blaming himself I would say he was only a danger to himself, but sadly he is not and sounds like he is close to a full blown psychotic break down. Make sure he has received the necessary medical and psychological help he needs before you entertain the idea of returning home. We live in a very stressful time and it appears he has succumb to the stress he faces. This does not mean he is a bad person, just in a little need of some coping skills. However your first responsibly is to your children and yourself. Best of Luck

oh yeah, just went thru that, but im a guy in your same position. nokids thank God, GO NOW!

Sounds like possible Bipolar disorder... Just saying...

I'm beginning to think he is .....

RUN!!! RUN LIKE****!! 26 years of marriage and now I am stuck....don't be like me RUN!!

Leave him and if after a few days you still love him and miss him. Get counseling!! I used to be just like your husband in ways. Not physically or verbally abuse ,but insecure and a home body. Im ashamed of the way I treated her and after long talks and walks we have been married for 20yrs and appreciate each other. Its not your fault!!

You still love him, or you would'nt be talking about him. Ask him to go and see a mariage counselor. If he does'nt want to seek help, than you don't have to tolerate this. Tell him that you need to seperate till things get better.

Why did you go out on NYE alone with girlfriends?

He was invited & he refused to go.... He never wants to go anywhere that I want to go. He is a home body.

Makes good sense. Too bad. Sorry for you.

"I was awaken at 5 am to my husband screaming at me for everything that has happened to us in the past years since we have been married."

Thanks. Just when I thought that I was so tired and lonely of the fact that I was put on a couch in my own room in 2005, your remark reminds me that since then, I have not been woken up by screaming at 3, 4, 5 in the morning. There are 2 doors between me and her. I do get a good nights sleep now.

My wife doesn't work either. The only reason she gets disability is that I filled out the form for her. No going out on NYE for me, just a "you're making too much noise" at 12:10. But I don't hate her. I think the capacity to hate has been knocked out of me.

LITERALLY knocked out of you??? O.o

Kick him out! If he doesnt leave call the cops. If that doesn't work get a restraining order.

Your safety is important and so is the safety of your children. With that being said, how is this affecting them? He is not only manipulating and abusing you, watch very close how he manipulates and emotionally abuses them. Don't fool yourself into thinking that he is only treating you badly. Your children are watching and learning from both of you. It's up to you Mom to set the example for your girls to grow up to be strong women. Break the chain Girl. Break the Chain.

He uses them to help himself look good ..... He will tell them things that they do not need to know .... Like information about our relationship ....

They love him, because he knows just what to do to pull their emotions.

I get chills reading this... he is setting them up for a lifetime of abusive relationships... get them out NOW!!!!

get out. now. better to be paranoid--and safe.

document by calling and/or sending e mail/texts to family members in close physical proximity exactly what happened.

create a safety net.

go. now.

I have already started documenting thru a diary.

So we move on.
The text message results in you getting "the best sex you've had in ages with him", you then come up with the "suggestive and sarcastic remark" the next day, you then head out for a NYE, now he wakes you up to a torrent of un savoury remarks.

It is a dysfunctional **** up.

For both your sakes, you need to end it.

See a lawyer.

Tread your own path.

Recognise that this outburst isn't caused by you. It's a reflection of of his inner landscape. Be compassionate towards him and strong within yourself, and take heed of the other advice here.

How can you have compassion for someone that calls you a *****, ****, f*ckn b*tch, c*nt, and etc etc etc etc

You have your answer now - when you insist on truth telling, he comes out swinging with hurtful words. Simply put - he does not and cannot love you the way you want or need to be loved. His outrage and attempt to intimidate you are attempts to regain control. I would seriously heed the warning about the potential to escalate this to physical violence.

Like ole Jack said ..... He (you) can't handle the truth ;)

I have worked in a shelter for abused women for over four years, in that time I have buried two clients who were experiencing emotional, psychological, verbal and financial abuse and who also were adament that their abusers would never touch them for equally important reasons. The truth behind all abuse is it is a cycle, that will inivetably lead to physical violence at some point when he believes verbal abuse no longer "cuts it" in terms of control and intimidation. Like others I urge you to seek discrete help outside of the relationship to gain a solid footing in case things escelate completly out of control. In the meantime, all the best and stay safe.

This is really wise advice and I sincerely hope that SB takes it seriously. SB, please consider this. In EVERY case where a father hurts his children, the wife was very confident that would never happen . . . and it is just because that confidence is misplaced that terrible tragedies can occur.

Document this. You may be able to get a restraining order - sometimes emotional abuse can turn into physical abuse. If you are worried for your safety, please leave and seek a women's shelter. There are some resources listed here:
http://help.experienceproject.com/customer/portal/articles/391568-what-if-another-member-or-myself-is-in-crisis-

Now you see his true colours... I hope you can get out safely.

I'm not worried about my safety at all..... I know how to protect myself & my girls. He's not that stupid ..... He would risk everything by laying one finger in me.

Not to mention I was the baby of 15 boy cousins..... I have a pretty good right hook ;).

I have a diary

To me, it reads that he is very angry with the fact that you are flouting his control over you. At no point does he say he was concerned about YOU - his intense anger seems to result from the fact he didn't have full control of the situation.

This level of control is excessive and can very well lead to violence as others have so wisely pointed out. You may be doubtful of this, but I also STRONGLY urge you to recognise the risk to yourself AND to the children. His saying that you were "the one that wanted to have children & cause stress on his life" implies to me that he is lumping the children in with you as the cause of his discontent. This could easily mean he takes out his anger on them as well as you.

hl42's suggestion is the wisest IMO. And can you take your kids for a visit to family (or friends) for a few days - to give him a cooling off period? PLEASE recognise that extreme domestic violence often occurs when the spouse does not expect it - hence the tragedies we read in the paper or see on TV news . . . . . {{{hugs}}}

He can't stand the fact that I will not now down & follow his commands

So sorry. Please leave. Emotional abuse takes a toll you may not realize at the moment and it's hard to get out once you've endured it for a while.

I don't think you should handle this any more. Your lawyer should, and that includes ensuring your safety. Please.

You should not be treated that way. He is abusing you. If he is unable to do anything about his actions/behaviour maybe its time to end the relationship.

Im not surprised you hate him. If my husband called me such derogatory names, I will grow to hate him too.

I'm so sorry to read about your troubles. Marriage is tough, no doubt, but there's no place for the name calling, etc. I wish you the best!

Oh, that is just awful. So sorry you had to endure that. No one should ever be treated that way,

Any man that can call the mother of his children all those things is NOT a man at all.

He's an arse plain & simple ..... There's some strange reason that he feels the need to control me after 20 years.

Sounds like you need to get out, and the sooner the better! This is mental abuse, and if you stick around it could get physical. For the sake of you, and your kids safety. Get out! Sorry to be negative but, you, and your kids well being is most important!