I'm Still In My Sexless Marriage Because I Love My Husband

I think of leaving alot but when you actually feel happy in all aspects of your marriage except one( sex is important to a relation though) Who wants to break up their family? You could end up worse off if you leave. Just so tired of doubting me. My sexuality.whats wrong with me? Just so many questions.tears.and not so good Hard feelings
MiserablyinLove MiserablyinLove
5 Responses Jan 3, 2013

3 months ago I thought/felt the exact same way. After I started reading tons on ILIASM at the end of November, and saw how nothing is normal about this kind of marriage, I made a decision to leave. Once I made the decision, suddenly I realized that all of my energy was focused on the sex issue for so long that I never allowed my mind to see all the other problems. Once the sex issue was no longer my quest since I was leaving the marriage, I began to see that there were A TON of problems. My advice, I caution you on your thinking. There may be a ton of other problems that you are completely unaware of.....food for thought.

When I read your questions, I got this strong unpleasant reaction, which is my SM immune system kicking in. I know I will never again be prey to those refuser-friendly mind-ploys.

You can develop that immunity too, when you see the situation for what it really is, and put your doubts in proper context, and most of all when you WILL: I have had enough!

Never again. That can be you.

# 1. The first thing you need to do is stop asking what is wrong with you. That thinking will only lead to a melt-down for you. There is nothing wrong with you for embracing your sexuality.

Stay strong with that thought process......it is important.

Here's my question - what exactly do you love about your husband? Your reasons for staying include a reluctance to break up the family and fear that things 'out there' could be worse. You are tired that your relationship brings you self doubt, tears and those questions which run around inside your head. It is resulting in your questioning your sexuality and probably your worth as a woman.

I am guessing you don't sleep well. Late at night you pace the house or just lie in bed sighing and feeling empty and this dull ache inside you. You pretend to be happy - you have to force your smiles and you wonder why he does not notice you are unhappy. Or perhaps he is one of those refusing spouse who notices the fake smiles and actually has a go at you for being unhappy all the time and dragging his mood down.

Read widely and ask questions. You'll find lots here to challenge your perspective. Maybe you'll find what it takes to save you from the slow death of your soul. We all have one life to live - choose to live it with passion, love and intimacy. Be well.

"Everything is great bar the sex" ?????????????????

This position, if truthfully challenged, collapses like a house of cards.

Are you up to challenging your perception ?

Tread your own path.

No I am starting to resent him for everything

Well your rising resentment levels will eventually overcome any residual love you have for the dude, and the way forward will seem clearer.

However, were you able to do something about dismantling the marriage NOW (whilst there is still some love and goodwill there) it may be best to do so rather than waiting until the resentment levels mean the split up gets ugly and acrimonious. Particularly if there are kids in the picture.