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One Year Later

Hard to believe that my miserable life took a 180 degree turn from where I was one year ago. New Years Eve Last Year I found this site and thus began the most courageous and satisfying journey of my life thus far.  After being in a relationship for 35 years, 28 of them married and of that 28 -25 of them sexless - I broke free.    I know I couldn't have done this without the support and advice I received from the wonderful people I communicated with on this site. 

I took an honest look at my life and decided that if anything was going to change it had to be ME.  I made an EXIT STRATEGY and implemented it.

I started by taking a look at myself , who I was and what I had  to offer and discovered from the feedback and friends I made here that I was intelligent, capable and worthy of a better life for myself.  Then I took steps to protect myself financially, and got legal advice so that I could make intelligent choices.    The steps and  the doubts are well documented in the 30 stories I have contributed  to this group. 

I prepared myself for the worst and hoped for the best.  I got the best.  The support of my family who rallied around me  and understood  that there was  always  something not right about my marriage.   I have regained a closeness with my siblings and that has been a blessing. 

What I did not anticipate is that I would meet and fall in love with  the most wonderful caring man.  He also grew up in a small community with old school values  and was treated shamefully in his marriage.  We are healing each other and building a new life.   Together we have a modest but comfortable home.   There are  still  a few legal obstacles to overcome and we have the same problems that  other people have, bills, auto repairs,  health issues to work on.   However the biggest change is that I no longer feel that I am doing everything alone .  I can make a mistake now and be forgiven.  I am being treated  like a person and am surrounded by people who love me and accept me, flaws and all .  I am happier than I have ever been.

Thank you to Baz, Ena, OmyTvc15,  Mary Ryan, Ron Mc?  :) , Warrior Poet, Amber Reflections, Neuilly, Awake for the Dance,  Just Peaches , Chai07,    plus many others  

While I don't have mind blowing sex every night - I have what is considered to be a normal sex  life.  The part I treasure the most is what we call "Cuddle TIme"   which is falling asleep in each other's arms.  The second part  of this is reaching out in the middle of the night to touch a warm body  and the satisfaction of knowing that I am not alone anymore.

This is how the next chapters of my life begin.     My wish for all of you who are still suffering  is that you can find your new beginning as well .
cairinkimberley cairinkimberley 51-55, F 6 Responses Jan 3, 2013

Your Response


I remember you from those days and I was starting the same journey as well. It has been difficult but well worth it. I was very happy when you found you new love soon after I found mine. The divorce struggle continues but I have Stacy and the continued support of so many people here as well.
Best of luck to you this year Kim. Keep in touch.

I am new here. And most posts here are horribly depressing (sorry, it's the truth! But only because it is THE truth and I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the reality of it all). However, your post made the hairs on my arms stand up; what a wonderful new beginning for you. :)

There is both sad truth and triumph here. I have gotten and seen the most response from stories about people doing something about their troubles. One of the biggest responses I got from any post was when I simply put "going to see a divorce lawyer tomorrow." I think I had a half dozen responses by early afternoon. So the biggest stories here are made by the people who act to improve their lives and the lives of others.

Indeed. Action much better than inaction. :)

Rated Up.

Tread your own path.

<p>This story brings tears to my eyes! I remember you and your struggle so well and I am more than delighted things have turned out so well for you!</p><p>I love the way you describe your new life - that it is complete with all the usual concerns and flaws that everyone faces. BUT that it is making you so very happy because of the way you are being treated. I concur whole-heartedly with this.</p><p>The "new normal" (post ILIASM relationships) is not a "fairy tale" existence - but it is one in which there is fairness, equality, good will and the other aspects that may well have been missing in prior relationships.</p><p>You and your new man have my warmest and best wishes for your continuing growth and happiness together!! {{{hugs}}}</p>

I don't think any of us expects a fairy tale ending. I got into the mess I am in by trying to be the knight in shining armor to my stbx. You and many other people have been a great help to me along the way.

Wonderful and inspirational - maybe your telling your story will inspire someone else to change their life too. Well done and enjoy your hard won happiness xx

Congradulations. I hope everything continues to work out for you. You should be very proud of yourself for being brave enough to leave after all those years. Good Luck!