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I Am A Women And Live In A Sexless Marriage

I am 39.5 years old and fit. I have 2 boys and have been married for 13 years and dated my husband for about 4 years before we got married. We had great sex in the begining. It was like haven 4 times a week. Then I got pregnant, still having great sex.Then I had my second son, samething. In 2003 we moved to fl he got a teaching and coahing job. From that day on, everything went down hill. He live and sleep football and still do. We had forster kids for 5 years. I thought by keeping my self busy with the forster kids I wouldn't miss sex. I had to get rid of the forster kids , because I wanted to save my marriage. In 2009 I found out he cheated and his excuse was he wanted to see if he can get it up( FYI he was having problems getting it up in the bed room with me). Then she said he only did it 3 times. I was so devestated and I shut down. I couldn't understand why he would do such a thing and lie to me. I put 100 percent into the relationship. Now it will be 3 years in Feb.since we hadn't had sex. He plays alot of mind games, for ex. he will tell me, If you want you can be with someone else. When I say o.k, he flips out and say, so you just going to be with someone else. You are going to take my boys from me. If you do that you are selffish. I hate when he tells me, I am so sorry that I am putting you through this. He said he doesn't want to have sex anymore , because he hurt me so bad and when he looks at me, he sees all the pain he caused me and how depress I use to be. I don't know what to do anymore. When I talk to my mom , she tells me, he doesn't hit you, he hugs you, he loves you and he comes home every night. She says why are you complaing and the grass is not greener on the otherside. I am so lost, sad,lonely, confuse, depress, and stuck. I don't know what to do anymore.
maine2530 maine2530 36-40 9 Responses Jan 3, 2013

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Update on story. Sorry It took so long to write back. Here what happen in the last past 6 months. I found out my husband was cheating on me for 10 years. He has been with more than ten women. One girl for ten years and she is married and another for a year and a half, and now she is pregnant. I am now trying to move on and be positive in my life and to my children. I don not know why people just can't tell the other partner that they are not in love with them anymore and move on. I wasted 19 years of my life with this *** hole. Well that is my update.

I understand.... if you can, see a therapist. I wouldn't continue sharing with mom though. He's emotionally abusing you and the fact that he doesn't hit, maybe hugs, etc. doesn't minimize or excuse the pain he is causing. Good luck and I hope you find your peace soon. It's very difficult...

<p>Stop talking to your mother about your problems and consider hiring a therapist to help you sort this out.</P><br />
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<p>Your husband's behavior towards you is messed up and substandard.</P><br />
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<p>I recommend you stop putting any energy into the marriage and get yourself to a healthier place, mentally. Take care of yourself and the kids only and for now, stop engaging in any intimate behavior or intimate talk with the husband. You need to get clarity right now and you need to engage in behavior that is helping and not hurting you. Your husband is hurting you. You must stop this.<br />
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<p>Once you get clarity in your head, you will know what to do about that screwy husband of yours.</P><br />
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<p>STOP telling your Mother about your problems.</P>

Well I am reading the responses and when I read it, I am like i am really being treated bad. I deserve better than this. I have to have the courage to move on. I know I can be by myself, but just scared. Thats guys.

What does your mother know about grass??!! It is very unlikely to be any BROWNER on the other side thann you are currently experiencing!

As for your dead-head husband, he is abusive, uncaring, manipulative and using your love of your children to prop up HIS agenda! Don't allow him to manipulate you any longer.

"He said he doesn't want to have sex anymore , because he hurt me so bad and when he looks at me, he sees all the pain he caused me and how depress I use to be." What about what YOU want? That does not seem to enter into his calculations at all!

You have moved States to support him. You have given the relationship 100%. HE is the one who owes you BIG TIME . But I doubt he will ever be the spouse you deserve and need. Think seriously about ending this farce of a marriage - and don't let his cries about the kids stop you.

So he lies, cheats, withholds intimacy, guilt you and plays mind games. He probably gets a sick sense of fun in keeping you unbalanced, thus controlling you. Stop trying to figure him out, take time to understand why you stay and model this behavior to your kids. You're worth the time and energy.

Absolutely agree 100%. He is a total loser IMO. And if your mother is telling you to stay, she is NOT thinking of your best interests. I am probably in the same age bracket as your mother, so I cannot forgive her for this very old-fashioned view of marriage.

So Sorry. I am 10 years older then you and in the same boat. I am a man and it hurts just the same. I have allowed things to be bad for 11 years since my wife got pregneat with our last child. Have not had sex in 2 years, but over the last 11 years we have had spurts of no sex for 6 months to 1 1/2 years. Basically a sexless marriage over the last 11 years. I tell you this because things will probably not change by themselves. I am making 2013 the year we go forward or we go separate ways. At some point you have to look out for your own well being. Keeping the family image up is not worth it to me anymore. Good luck to you.

Yes... he plays a lot of mind games... He is selfish narcissist doing what he wants, hurting you and rationalising (does not want to have sex as he hurt you) ... What a hypocrite! Your grass is not green at all...

Belay any further discussion about this matter with your mother. She ain't on your side and as such is an impediment to what you need to do to resolve this dysfunctional **** up.

Tread your own path.