~ A Real First Step ~This weekend is my family's Christmas celebration because this is when we can finally get together. My family lives 3 hours north of me. My husband has never liked coming here. He doesn't like any of the things we do - skiing, playing games, etc. So, when he hinted he wanted to stay home (no surprise) this time I offered no flack. He was pleased. So am I.
On the way up, I took off my ring. It's in my jacket pocket.
I also talked with mom tonight. Same conversation I had a year ago, no doubt - but only this time I am a bit wiser. I know what it will take to end it and that's - LEAVING. No "guest room" business. No more talking.
I told her I had been looking for jobs here, in my hometown. Yikes. Thing is, many of them here don't require the master's degree like down in the cities. I think I will find a good one. Cost of living is less. Family would be all around me. I would be in my element - the outdoors, etc.
Some aspects of the city I will miss - no lie. So I am thinking hard on this.
But Mom's boyfriend offered me one of his rental units for next to nothing. That will be appealing to me.
And -- they both support me. Mom's boyfriend went through a bitter divorce and he said he was in his miserable marriage 20 years longer than he should have been -- what he wouldn't give to get those years back again. Mom and he are happy. (my dad passed away, which is why mom was available).
I don't know - this may not look like much, but it's a big real step for ME. I said out loud what was in my heart and received love and support and complete and utter understanding (mom said she and dad knew all along we were not a good match and had MANY sad conversations about it). :( This reallllly kills me now that dad is gone, though I am trying not to dwell in regret.
So --- I am scared.
What will come next is going to suck. I know it. I don't want to hurt him. I don't "hate" him (wish I did). There is real loss here - 14 year friendship. A house. A dog. Friends. I will need to delete 20 from my FB page that are exclusively his side off the bat (and I am close to a lot of them).
I can't stop though. I am going.................