I Live In a Sexless Marriage
I don't give up easily.
Like so many people here, I have been struggling with this sexless marriage for many years. I recognized that the lack of sex was a symptom of some deeper problem, and that I had to have contributed to that problem (it takes two to screw things up this thoroughly). So I embarked on a years-long endeavor to do everything I could to make it right.
I opened up communication with my wife on a very deep level. I went to counseling, and talked her into going with me. We learned much about each other. We know each other well. Still, the marriage is broken.
I have made one last attempt. I want her to go with me to Retrouvaille, a program sponsored by the Catholic Church (we are both Catholic). I told her that she has absolutely nothing to lose. If she accepted, I would know she still cares and has some desire to make it work. If she declines, I know that she has no interest in making the marriage work.
She declined.
This confirms what I already knew, but it helps me shake that delusional thinking that somehow things will work out. No more delusional thinking.
She believes my best option is to stay married and just deal with it. She knows I can't do that. So her opinion is that I should just take on a mistress.
Now I embark on the worst, most disruptive journey of my life. Extricating myself from this. So many things to work through, with family, kids (both adults, but one still lives with us), our parents, and finances. It will be hell. This is going to take some time.
Nothing prepares you for this. We went through premarital counseling. We thought we were compatible. We are not. Never were. We believe that marriage is forever. But what is this we are living?
Maybe I can work out a transfer at the office, move to another city. That option is not as viable as I had once hoped. Right now I feel like just packing up a suitcase and hitting the door. But I won't. I am methodical, rational. I will work through this slowly. But the days of trying to get her to come around, the days of worrying about her reaction to things, of allowing her feelings and opinions to carry weight with me, those days are over. Finally.
Like so many people here, I have been struggling with this sexless marriage for many years. I recognized that the lack of sex was a symptom of some deeper problem, and that I had to have contributed to that problem (it takes two to screw things up this thoroughly). So I embarked on a years-long endeavor to do everything I could to make it right.
I opened up communication with my wife on a very deep level. I went to counseling, and talked her into going with me. We learned much about each other. We know each other well. Still, the marriage is broken.
I have made one last attempt. I want her to go with me to Retrouvaille, a program sponsored by the Catholic Church (we are both Catholic). I told her that she has absolutely nothing to lose. If she accepted, I would know she still cares and has some desire to make it work. If she declines, I know that she has no interest in making the marriage work.
She declined.
This confirms what I already knew, but it helps me shake that delusional thinking that somehow things will work out. No more delusional thinking.
She believes my best option is to stay married and just deal with it. She knows I can't do that. So her opinion is that I should just take on a mistress.
Now I embark on the worst, most disruptive journey of my life. Extricating myself from this. So many things to work through, with family, kids (both adults, but one still lives with us), our parents, and finances. It will be hell. This is going to take some time.
Nothing prepares you for this. We went through premarital counseling. We thought we were compatible. We are not. Never were. We believe that marriage is forever. But what is this we are living?
Maybe I can work out a transfer at the office, move to another city. That option is not as viable as I had once hoped. Right now I feel like just packing up a suitcase and hitting the door. But I won't. I am methodical, rational. I will work through this slowly. But the days of trying to get her to come around, the days of worrying about her reaction to things, of allowing her feelings and opinions to carry weight with me, those days are over. Finally.
By:
MiddleAge
Age:
51-55
,
Male
11
responses
