Stupid Question Time

I would love to find out. Sexless for far too long.

Never mind what I think about the effects of regular sex. My wife would probably vote between "going blind" and "destroying one's career".

It is hard to grasp when you are forced to live without it. Intimacy is what separates us from animals. I think it just creates and keeps that special bond to each other. It is the closest and most intimate you can be with another person. It is supposed to be what would separate your relationship from those other relationships. I find it hurts me to even say all this because I live without that. And I chose to end my marriage because I lost it because he just stopped and I lost those feelings for my husband and that is something I refuse to spend the rest of my life without. I think it just keeps the bond between the couple close and alive.

I will try to answer until a couple if weeks ago my marriage was for the most part sexless, and had been for a couple of years, it was a very lonley place, lying in bed next to the man I have vowed to stay with until death do us part, nearly touching but miles apart, his back turned. I discovered he had sexual fantasises he had not told me about as he was worried I would be disgusted/reject him. Well I discovered them and we are now exploring them together, this has reawakened our sex life and it is amazing. It has reminded me of the closeness we shared and are sharing again, it is lovely fall asleep after sex our limbs interlocked and our breathing synchronised in short it is a wonderful feeling of wanting and being desired and I urge you to try to turn it round and restate your sex life.

What is it like?
Well, it isn't always that beautiful romantic scene that springs to mind! But that is actually one of the great GIFTS of this type of relationship.

Today: the temperature is forty one degrees (about one hundred and five for those of you with Fahrenheit). It is the third day of a heatwave expected to last another few days.

My daughter and baby grand-daughter went home today from their Christmas visit, after three weeks. I just adore them both, but Bub is not a good sleeper. I've been trying to help my daughter care for her, so I'm very tired.

The house is hot, despite our valiant air conditioner. Baz and I are both hot, tired and feeling lethargic . . . I've eaten too much over Christmas so my body image is at a low ebb. Feeling "fat" does not help one to feel sexy or seductive!

But a couple of hours ago he mentioned sex tonight. And I immediately started feeling better . . ! I'm looking forward to it - and I think he is too. It will help us re-connect and to refresh our individual selves and our relationship.

We'll probably wait till evening, partly because it will be cooler and partly because the anticipation is so nice . . . !

Well, the real question is," What does sex do for anybody?" The answer to that question: Nothing really. Sex is a way of showing your significant other just how much you care for them (at least, if its pure...cant say much about one night stands). When the two lovers "elope" it builds a tighter bond between the two making them inseparable if the love is pure. Sex is really pointless unless you plan on having kids, but when it comes to monogamy as you have staged your question...I'm sure sex on a regular basis without having to set a mood would probably strengthen the relationship because the couple does not need a "mood" to be set in order to love each other. In fact, they probably couldn't care less because that's the foreign concept of "true love". The only reasons why I'm commenting on this is because 1: I know a good psychiatrist that specializes in marriage counseling, 2: I'm in a medical class that teaches about this stuff (its surprising but true), and 3: Common sense. If you are able to elope with the man or woman you love no problem, no mood, no distractions, the probability of you truly loving that person is quite high.

in one word: AWESOME!!!
Awesome because that type of intimacy feels like your soul is connected to the one you love..two bodies merging into one...you feel so loved...find someone that gives u that...

This is NOT a shot at you Sister A - your story simply prompts me to offer up my standard "dysfunctional marriages **** with your head, get you thinking weird ****, get you making uninformed choices which feed back into the loop".

Intimate expression in a relationship is - out there in the real world - NORMAL.

Beautifully NORMAL.

Potentially, it can be YOUR new NORMAL in times to come. But your present normal has to be abandoned and unlearned.

Usually, the two things (adapting to your new NORMAL, and unlearning your old normal) tend to run concurrently.

I have been with Ms enna quite a while now as you know. I am still adapting to aspects of my new normal, and still unlearning aspects of my old normal.

Tread your own path.

Would love that too. Positive sexually experiences improve your health and state of mind. A long time ago I found a great book called Passion Play. If you could find it on EBay it would answer your question. I would love good sex three times a day and an ****** every time. that's on my wish list. Just look at my man or he looks at me and the desire builds. The stuff dreams are made of.

Well, that's the relatIonship I'm in. It's ok but you still get lonely because you know there is no commitment. And then you wonder if they have someone else and because you don't really have strong feelings for this person you feel glad you have someone but embarrassed to admit that your not that picky. Sex doesn't make you happy, it doesn't make you feel less lonely either. Maybe it's just me. I'm lonely but I need to find who I am so I can allow the right man to find me. Right now I'm just settling

This is what's it's like: last night I met my boyfriend at his friend's musical performance. We had planned to get a drink with him afterward, but he wasn't up to it due to a head cold. Even though he didn't feel well, throughout the performance he kept leaning over and whispering how sexy and beautiful he finds me. How great I looked in that sweater he loves, etc. He took my hand and I cuddled into him as we listened to the music.

Frankly, I was a little disappointed about not going out but totally understanding. We discussed what to do---he really wanted to lay down and rest, so we went back to my place, ordered in some dinner, and wound up talking for a long time about sex and gender and relationships over a giant meal of Colombian food. I got tired, and he cleaned up while I rested on the couch (it was probably 11pm by this point).

Somehow dinner and rest rejuvenated us and before I knew it we were in my bed having the most rip-roaring, passionate, intense, crazy sex. The bed moved at least a foot by the time it was over! Afterward we cuddled and joked and laughed and talked about how happy we are together, just laying in the dark listening to jazz radio and talking about Miles Davis. One thing lead to another, I can't remember how, and suddenly he was hard again and we made love AGAIN, on and on and on, this time still passionate but in a very sweet, soulful, loving way, looking into each other's eyes and holding each other.

After we were completely spent and exhausted we held each other until we fell asleep, all smiley and connected. And when I woke up this morning, I went to him, he smiled at me, held me in his arms, and showed me he was ready to go all over again. And we giggled and joked around and kissed for another 20 minutes or so before I finally got up to make coffee and omelets for us...

That is what it's like! As I told him last night, I never would have dreamed it was possible, to have the sexual connection AND so much in common AND respect AND an intellectual connection AND laugh all the time AND just get each other. But apparently, it does in fact exist!

Awake... It feels safe. Safe not because of the sex. Safe because of the relationship. The sex flows from the safe intimate feeling of the relationship. You discover new sexual sides to yourself when you are in an intimately safe. You do things you've never done before. Not raunchy, naughty things... Quietly and uniquely intimate things. Not just kissing during sex but holding hands while one of you *******. Taking breaks during sex for intimate talks about the past, present and future while you hold each other before going back to pleasure. Intimate expressions like that just fit the we you have become an intimate couple. Things you never did before with anyone else but you live to do together because it fits the 'us' that has developed. That intimacy leads to sex and the sex leads to more intimacy. When one breaks down (or never existed) of course the other one disappears.

I apologize for continuing to respond, but this idea to "love without fear" is important. my ex called last week. He was calling for reassurance. He was getting married that Friday evening, and was uneasy. I thought ....how sad. He should have been enthusiastic, and confident, and instead was wary,.,so he was again, with the wrong person for him. If you are uneasy, unsure about who you are with..accept that reality, and move on. Staying is not in your best interest. You always need to listen and pay attention to your inner emotions. It may hurt to say good bye, but in the long run, the reality of leaving is the best choice.

I think that most of the time, lack of sex isn't the cause, it's a symptom.

The other part of this is that what i see in my relationship with my friend, is that for me...there is love without fear. i feel very welcome in his embrace. There is no hesitancy on my part, as to... do I hug ? It is very awkward to hug an unenthusiastic partner. And so there has to be a physical warmth, a willingness to be receptive in the person your with..,You know that. Being in the empty relationship your in, you know and understand what I am saying. I also think the person has to be comfortable with his sexuality and in sexual situations. If all of that is there, you will both be where you need to be. And at least, if there is a problem, there will be the ability to discuss it frankly, without shyness or embarrassment.

You don't even necessarily need the actual sex. Sexual interest will cover it.

My first wife and I had a very short window of hot sex before she got terminally ill. But she still appreciated me as a man and desired me. Those were some harsh and bleak years, but not as bad as my sexless marriage.

I haven't trotted out the word here for a while, but ardor is what we need more than moist friction. We need to feel it, we need it expressed to us.

Penelope's life long chronic pain condition is lumbering to an end these days, but not before it kicks her *** badly, I'm guessing straight through '13. So our sex game is off. But we're good.

I want her, she wants me. That's never going to go away. She jokes about blowing me when I'm old and look like Junior from The Soprano's. I believe her. I likewise fantasize about licking Grandma Moses's *****.

Wow, what a gift.

I will not live in bitterness --- I will not let mistakes change me into an angry, bitter person. I will not beat myself up for past mistakes, we do the best we can at any given moment in time and that's truth. I am looking for genuine answers, not fault-finding or finger pointing or victimhood. I KNOW I contributed to where I am, FULL WELL. It's what has kept me STUCK here for YEARS.. that guilt. It does no good - I release it. It's just a genuine question.......... Maybe it would be best answered in the "I have regular sex with my spouse" club... (does that exist?? ) Or maybe it's on Google.... I am seriously done with the psychology of it all though... really. For now.. at this stage anyway. I am always trying to learn and grow and overcome my own less-than-ideal behaviors. I just want to know.. what does it DO for a relationship.. stupid question, but I am really wondering!! lol

but, it had to have been that way when you first met... when the relationship was new. if it wasn't, then why on earth did you stay with the man?