I Live In a Sexless Marriage

New Year Resolution

By: Sclarie

Written on January 6th, 2013

I told my husband that would not/could not endure another year without any sex.

We've never been big on making new year's resolutions, but this year my husband put down in writing that he will make an appointment with his doctor and discuss his lack of libido. He's been taking Prozac for almost two years now, and a decreased sex drive is a common side effect. It hasn't bothered him much at all, but I think I finally convinced him how lousy it's making me feel.

We're about a week into the new year now, and the call still hasn't been made, but I'm still optimistic that he will make the appointment this week. Fingers crossed...

By: Sclarie

Age: 41-45 , Female

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22 responses

Sclarie

Update - No real progress on my husband's part. Just a lot of talk about following up with the doctor about low testosterone. He tried not taking the Prozac for a weekend and by the middle of the second day he was acting so manic that we decided it wasn't worth it. Around the end of January, I finally met up with the man with whom I've been carrying on a phone sex relationship since last October. He is also in a sexless marriage. Our relationship is almost purely physical - and wow! I'm pretty damn happy right now. In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to go behind my husband's back to get the sexual satisfaction I'm looking for, but things are what they are. I love my husband, and sex was never the cornerstone of our relationship. I shared my frustration with him. He said he would do something about it. He didn't. I did something about my frustration on my own. I'm not frustrated anymore. Problem solved.

Feb 23
2 likes
- riley7253
  Good for you.
  
  Feb 24
  1 like
Sclarie

Husband went to the doctor today and they're doing some bloodwork to test his testosterone level. Doctor also suggested he skip his Prozac on the weekends (when he doesn't work).

Jan 21
1 like
Sclarie

Progress - My husband called and made an appointment with his doctor for Monday, January 21, the day before our 20th wedding anniversary. I'm predicting he'll come home with a prescription for Viagra or something similar, and all I can think is, thank God! I haven't gone through with actually meeting up with my phone sex buddy mentioned in my other stories. I don't want to physically cheat on my husband. And, now that he knows how depressed our lack of intimacy has been making me, he really does seem committed to doing something about it.

Jan 11
1 like
- bazzar
  You did well to leave him be to see if he was motivated enough to take the responsibility of seeing the Doc.
  He was.
  That's all you can count on at this point.
  Next, you need to leave him be to see whether he is -
  - actually motivated enough to keep the appointment
  - motivated to make a full disclosure to the Doc
  - motivated to do what the Doc suggests
  All little landmarks by which you can measure incremental progress (or regression) in this dynamic.
  
  Jan 11
  1 like
shadrackjones

i wonder what realy happens in our relationships....i was once told that ...if you put a dollar in a jar every time that you have sex in the 1st year...and take a dollar out every time after the 1st year...that you would never empty the jar...women are funny in that they wont help their husbands make it more pleasureable...they wont tell him what they need...they wont share their fantasies...and men are too simple in mind to figure it out...men share their fantasies and the women freak out...women wait untiul their husbands leave then **********...using the very fantasy that they wont tell him about...men dont have a **** or gspot and with a little help from his wife...he could be a great lover... i think they are afraid to share because they think that he would think badly of them...instead... they complain about the ole " slam bam thank you maam " ...btu then reject him for trying different things...he wants to maek it long...she spews obsentities to make him come sooner...she wants it longer ...and he has been programmed to come sooner...he wants to 69...she doesnt like it...he wants oral from her...she doesnt like it...but as soon as she has an affair...what does she do...exactly what that lover wnats from her...he doesnt have to wait on her ...he just takes what the husband has earned and comes back for more later...

Jan 9
1 like
- peter671998
  shadrack, you are so correct. I thought I was alone on the hurry up and finish situation. My wife will actually time me sometimes and give me about 10 minutes. It is really a sad situation but I cope because of the kids. I have fantasies but my wife will not comply to them. I just end up feeding them through other means such as ****/************. I'm not sure if my wife is having an affair. I have my suspicions. To be honest, I really don't care as much anymore.
  
  Jan 10
  1 like
- shadrackjones
  it is strange how women are...you never him them say that they dont have sex with their spouses...but then get hostile it they think someone else is
  
  Jan 21
  1 like
peter671998

Not sure on this but is there a way that he can take Viagra or some other type of drug like Levitra to help? Or is that not allowed? Just curious.
Thankfully, I do not need Viagra. My problem is reverse of your's. My wife seems to not have a sex drive at all. I wish you the best. I've resolved to just cope with the situation but that does not work for everyone. I'm staying for my children and really no other reason.

Jan 7
2 likes
- Sclarie
  From what we've read, there are some drugs he can take to counteract the side effects of what he's already on.
  
  Jan 11
  1 like
mvcmvc

-----"I told my husband that would not/could not endure another year without any sex."
What specific action(s) will you take if he does not get engaged intimately with you?
Divorce?
More affairs?
Acceptance?
If you do not have a plan to backup your threat then you will lose even more ground.

Jan 7
3 likes
joylover

There are other bodily pleasures other than intercourse, no? Is intercourse THAT important?

Jan 7
1 like
- cocoa12345
  Hm... I'd say it's more of a carnal craving, people tend to need it once in a while... No, it isn't just want it but actually NEED it for the sake of their psyche. A poor sex life tends to lead to a great deal of frustration and this has pointedly negative affects on a person's relationship. Going for long periods without it kind of upsets your mental health as well as your physical well being. There are people like me, who can sate themselves easily enough however, there's a greater amount of people who aren't that actually need a partner to be sexually satisfied and this is why, in a relationship either without intercourse or with a relatively limited amount, affairs become prominent and relationships break apart. An unhealthy or unsatisfying sexual relationship is the quickest way to break a relationship apart usually, as instincts tend to drive them towards some sort of physical release between partners as it does with every animal on the planet. Simply put, being unable to remain sexually satisfied causes both issues within temperament and issues within intimacy of any kind.
  
  Jan 8
  1 like
- joylover
  To each his/her own.... I NOW have other preferences that I find more enjoyable.
  
  Jan 8
  1 like
PardonTheInterruption

I hope you are not holding your breath.......

Jan 7
4 likes
cr3ig

I have been with my partner 10 years and we have a daughter aged 5 and we have not had sex for 5 and half years.

Jan 7
1 like
cagrey

Good luck to you. At least he is willing to discuss. My husband is not and no intimacy of any kind for over 20 yrs.

Jan 7
2 likes
Boxersoff4u

good luck !

Jan 7
2 likes
chocciebean

So he didn't rush and phone the moment the doctor's surgery opened?? He doesn't care - and he's not much bothered about the effect on you either, is he?? x

Jan 7
3 likes
riley7253

Maybe you should have made your own new year's resolution as this young lady did. http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Live-In-A-Sexless-Marriage/1995331

Jan 6
2 likes
1hotcouple

Prozac is evil to the sex drive. My wife was on it forever and I'm sure it contributed to our problems....A LOT.
She has also been taking wellbutrin now, and WOW. What a difference.
Not sure if it has the same effect on men, but if it does, I endorse it :)
See her story on how prozac affected her. Her words - not mine.

Jan 6
3 likes
bazzar

Your back story indicates that you were on the verge of cheating with some other dude within the last couple of months.
This would indicate that this union is well down the chute, likely due to the union having been dysfunctional for quite a while (based on your age group).
Suggestion. Leave him to make HIS appointment with HIS doctor for HIS issue.Don't remind him, don't prompt him, don't nag him. Leave him be, so you can see for yourself exactly how interested he is in doing anything about this problem that HE owns.
Meantime, why not make an appointment for YOU with a therapist to get to the bottom of the part of this dynamic that YOU own ? See, YOU own the fact that you have chosen to stay in the dysfunctional situation.
If he attends to what HE owns, and you attend to what YOU own, you will be odds on to resolve this matter based on the underlying truths. This resolvement may - or may not - mean the marriage surviving. The truth would establish that outcome.
Tread your own path.

Jan 6
8 likes

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