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New Year Resolution

I told my husband that would not/could not endure another year without any sex.

We've never been big on making new year's resolutions, but this year my husband put down in writing that he will make an appointment with his doctor and discuss his lack of libido. He's been taking Prozac for almost two years now, and a decreased sex drive is a common side effect. It hasn't bothered him much at all, but I think I finally convinced him how lousy it's making me feel.

We're about a week into the new year now, and the call still hasn't been made, but I'm still optimistic that he will make the appointment this week. Fingers crossed...
Sclarie Sclarie 41-45, F 16 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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Prozac will definitely ruin it. However if you wait months or even years the sex drive may come back. But do not let the doctor keep upping the dose. Eventually the reason the sex drive comes back is because the drug has lost it's effect. So doctors keep upping the dose which in turn will make no sex drive again. So if he stays on same dose it might get better but the drug will stop working. I know I take Zoloft. I actually have a raging sex drive now but I have been taking it so long it doesn't work as much anymore. I actually (doctor doesn't know this) started taking Zoloft when I was married so I wouldn't have a sex drive. because I always wanted it and was married to someone who knew I wanted it, so he would control me by it. if he knew I wanted sex he would purposedly not give it to me.

Husband is now in third month of treatments for low testosterone, and it hasn't really done a thing to rev up his sex drive. He has become emotionally involved with a 22-year -old coworker, and I am currently planning my fourth hook up with my secret lover discussed in other posts. I dug my prenup out of my files a week or two ago. I wish I had hired a better lawyer to prepare it tor me. Leaving this marriage would still cost me a fortune, and I really do love the guy anyway.

Update - No real progress on my husband's part. Just a lot of talk about following up with the doctor about low testosterone. He tried not taking the Prozac for a weekend and by the middle of the second day he was acting so manic that we decided it wasn't worth it. Around the end of January, I finally met up with the man with whom I've been carrying on a phone sex relationship since last October. He is also in a sexless marriage. Our relationship is almost purely physical - and wow! I'm pretty damn happy right now. In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to go behind my husband's back to get the sexual satisfaction I'm looking for, but things are what they are. I love my husband, and sex was never the cornerstone of our relationship. I shared my frustration with him. He said he would do something about it. He didn't. I did something about my frustration on my own. I'm not frustrated anymore. Problem solved.

Good for you.

Husband went to the doctor today and they're doing some bloodwork to test his testosterone level. Doctor also suggested he skip his Prozac on the weekends (when he doesn't work).

Progress - My husband called and made an appointment with his doctor for Monday, January 21, the day before our 20th wedding anniversary. I'm predicting he'll come home with a prescription for Viagra or something similar, and all I can think is, thank God! I haven't gone through with actually meeting up with my phone sex buddy mentioned in my other stories. I don't want to physically cheat on my husband. And, now that he knows how depressed our lack of intimacy has been making me, he really does seem committed to doing something about it.

You did well to leave him be to see if he was motivated enough to take the responsibility of seeing the Doc.
He was.
That's all you can count on at this point.
Next, you need to leave him be to see whether he is -
- actually motivated enough to keep the appointment
- motivated to make a full disclosure to the Doc
- motivated to do what the Doc suggests

All little landmarks by which you can measure incremental progress (or regression) in this dynamic.

i wonder what realy happens in our relationships....i was once told that ...if you put a dollar in a jar every time that you have sex in the 1st year...and take a dollar out every time after the 1st year...that you would never empty the jar...women are funny in that they wont help their husbands make it more pleasureable...they wont tell him what they need...they wont share their fantasies...and men are too simple in mind to figure it out...men share their fantasies and the women freak out...women wait untiul their husbands leave then **********...using the very fantasy that they wont tell him about...men dont have a **** or gspot and with a little help from his wife...he could be a great lover... i think they are afraid to share because they think that he would think badly of them...instead... they complain about the ole " slam bam thank you maam " ...btu then reject him for trying different things...he wants to maek it long...she spews obsentities to make him come sooner...she wants it longer ...and he has been programmed to come sooner...he wants to 69...she doesnt like it...he wants oral from her...she doesnt like it...but as soon as she has an affair...what does she do...exactly what that lover wnats from her...he doesnt have to wait on her ...he just takes what the husband has earned and comes back for more later...

shadrack, you are so correct. I thought I was alone on the hurry up and finish situation. My wife will actually time me sometimes and give me about 10 minutes. It is really a sad situation but I cope because of the kids. I have fantasies but my wife will not comply to them. I just end up feeding them through other means such as ****/************. I'm not sure if my wife is having an affair. I have my suspicions. To be honest, I really don't care as much anymore.

it is strange how women are...you never him them say that they dont have sex with their spouses...but then get hostile it they think someone else is

You are very correct! However when I was married, every time I tried to show him what to do he would flip out and say he can't understand why I can't ******, because others he has been with have? He would always try to get me to do oral and I felt as if , why should I do oral when he won't even make an effort to make me ******. I was lucky if I had sex once a year! I know he watched **** and who know what else. I still can't trust men to tell them what I like because I am afraid they will scold me and think I am weird. Thanks to ****, guys are programmed to think women like certain things and in reality most of it is false. Nothing ruins my libido more than when I am extremely turned on , and then a penis goes inside of me fast. ugh. the moving and tenseness from having someone thrust in me makes me completely unable to ******!

Not sure on this but is there a way that he can take Viagra or some other type of drug like Levitra to help? Or is that not allowed? Just curious.

Thankfully, I do not need Viagra. My problem is reverse of your's. My wife seems to not have a sex drive at all. I wish you the best. I've resolved to just cope with the situation but that does not work for everyone. I'm staying for my children and really no other reason.

From what we've read, there are some drugs he can take to counteract the side effects of what he's already on.

-----"I told my husband that would not/could not endure another year without any sex."

What specific action(s) will you take if he does not get engaged intimately with you?

Divorce?
More affairs?
Acceptance?

If you do not have a plan to backup your threat then you will lose even more ground.

There are other bodily pleasures other than intercourse, no? Is intercourse THAT important?

Hm... I'd say it's more of a carnal craving, people tend to need it once in a while... No, it isn't just want it but actually NEED it for the sake of their psyche. A poor sex life tends to lead to a great deal of frustration and this has pointedly negative affects on a person's relationship. Going for long periods without it kind of upsets your mental health as well as your physical well being. There are people like me, who can sate themselves easily enough however, there's a greater amount of people who aren't that actually need a partner to be sexually satisfied and this is why, in a relationship either without intercourse or with a relatively limited amount, affairs become prominent and relationships break apart. An unhealthy or unsatisfying sexual relationship is the quickest way to break a relationship apart usually, as instincts tend to drive them towards some sort of physical release between partners as it does with every animal on the planet. Simply put, being unable to remain sexually satisfied causes both issues within temperament and issues within intimacy of any kind.

To each his/her own.... I NOW have other preferences that I find more enjoyable.

I hope you are not holding your breath.......

I have been with my partner 10 years and we have a daughter aged 5 and we have not had sex for 5 and half years.

Good luck to you. At least he is willing to discuss. My husband is not and no intimacy of any kind for over 20 yrs.

So he didn't rush and phone the moment the doctor's surgery opened?? He doesn't care - and he's not much bothered about the effect on you either, is he?? x

Maybe you should have made your own new year's resolution as this young lady did. http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Live-In-A-Sexless-Marriage/1995331

Prozac is evil to the sex drive. My wife was on it forever and I'm sure it contributed to our problems....A LOT.

She has also been taking wellbutrin now, and WOW. What a difference.

Not sure if it has the same effect on men, but if it does, I endorse it :)

See her story on how prozac affected her. Her words - not mine.

Your back story indicates that you were on the verge of cheating with some other dude within the last couple of months.

This would indicate that this union is well down the chute, likely due to the union having been dysfunctional for quite a while (based on your age group).

Suggestion. Leave him to make HIS appointment with HIS doctor for HIS issue.Don't remind him, don't prompt him, don't nag him. Leave him be, so you can see for yourself exactly how interested he is in doing anything about this problem that HE owns.

Meantime, why not make an appointment for YOU with a therapist to get to the bottom of the part of this dynamic that YOU own ? See, YOU own the fact that you have chosen to stay in the dysfunctional situation.

If he attends to what HE owns, and you attend to what YOU own, you will be odds on to resolve this matter based on the underlying truths. This resolvement may - or may not - mean the marriage surviving. The truth would establish that outcome.

Tread your own path.