Bacon Scented Candles
To those kindly and well intentioned people who suggest that this can be resolved by any/all of the usual titillating methods, please be advised that these will NOT work.
What suggestions? Scented candles, holidays, stress relievers, date nights, sexy underwear . . . Anything you care to add.
Why won't they work in this situation? These things may work to revive a normal sex life that is in the doldrums for a period. BUT they are entirely useless in the situation of a person who is in a relationsip with a truly sexless partner.
How do I know? Personal experience PLUS the countless pieces of supporting evidence gleaned from this board.
Why is it inappropriate to suggest these things - they just might help?! They are inappropriate because such suggestions depend on the one wanting sex to implement them. And the problem does not lie with that person - it lies with the person REFUSING sex. Every time a Refused person tries something which does NOT work (and believe me, the people here have tried EVERYTHING!!) then their self esteem is further battered. Their failure (yet again) to stimulate their partner into having sex makes them feel WORSE than ever. . . .
Bacon scented candles?? Some time ago this term became "short hand" on ILIASM for all the suggestions that are described above. Someone suggested that the smell of bacon was arousing and that was then suggested as a possible scent for candles!! The term has been used ever since by long term ILIASMers to describe all the things well intentioned and good hearted people suggest as possible "cures" for sexless marriage.
So what DOES work? The six hundred million dollar question! In most cases, NOTHING. Very few situations of chronic sexlessness are ever resolved. The deep seated reasons (usually unknown) for this behaviour are not easily addressed. And the only person who can effectively address these issues is the person who has them. In most cases that person (often called the Refuser here) is not interested in addressing the issue at all.