Even If We Don't Feel Like It

For the past 6 weeks, it's been difficult for me to get in the headspace for sex. The grief has been really tough. A pit of stress and worry sits at the bottom of my stomach a lot of the time. But Husband has been propositioning regularly, saying he understands if I'm not ready, but he wants me to know when he's interested. This makes me feel loved, even when I'm pretty far from The Mood.

So when I had even a little bit of sexual desire a couple weeks ago, I pounced on it and took the opportunity to initiate some sexy times. Nothing elaborate or long, but a couple days in a row, we did it short-but-sweet. I want Husband to know how much I appreciate and love him, even when it's tough for me to find the sexy feelings.

This past weekend, Husband was again letting me know how interested he was. Realizing that I wasn't going to feel spontaneously sexy anytime soon, I said, "Okay. I'll make you a deal. Tomorrow night, we'll have sex, even if we don't feel like it." He agreed.

Interestingly, the next night came, but a whole bunch of scheduling problems got in the way, and we ended up deciding not to have sex because we were really sleepy. But we put it off till the following night, and then we made it happen. It took a long time for me to get past just feeling *affectionate* to feeling *sexy,* but it did eventually happen. We were both satisfied and comforted by the results.

It's wonderful that my Former-Refuser husband is now assertive about expressing sexual desire on a regular basis. He has made big changes in his life and personality, and it has improved our marriage tremendously.

I also want to point out that changing a Sexless Marriage requires real commitment from the Refused, as well. It's important for me to maintain his trust and do my very best to be an emotionally affirming wife.

And wow, does it pay off. A strong marriage is such a source of comfort when life brings pain and stress!
LovelyAlone LovelyAlone
36-40, F
1 Response Jan 8, 2013

There is much to be said for the "Just do it" school of thought! I agree whole-heartedly with Mvc - isn't she a wise woman??

Your husband's willingness to be a proactive partner in regaining your marriage is a WONDERFUL gift for you. Treasure and appreciate this - it is very rare on ILIASM. {{{Hugs}}}