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Joy And Geekdom

“Being a geek is all about being honest about what you enjoy and not being afraid to demonstrate that affection. It means never having to play it cool about how much you like something. It’s basically a license to proudly emote on a somewhat childish level rather than behave like a supposed adult. Being a geek is extremely liberating.”
― Simon Pegg

You guys have probably seen that quote floating around FB. It really got me thinking. It is my geekdom that I have been suppressing all this time. My STBX considered my joy at receiving the next Harry Potter book to be foolish. He never wanted to talk about Star Trek. He told me that mothers can not just spend their evenings at rehearsal so I needed to give up on the theater. Whatever I loved, he squashed it and I went along because I thought I was being a good wife and mother. Since I have began to separate myself from him emotionally my inner geek has been awakened. I feel giddy joy like I haven't in years.

And you know what? I am a sex geek. I love it, every aspect. Before I was married I had many partners and each encounter filled me with joy. I didn't fall in love with each person, but I respected them and wanted them to have as much enjoyment as I did. Taking you to bed didn't mean we were a couple, but it did mean that we had a positive connection based on shared experience. I am astounded to realize that the level of caring for another persons happiness that I gave to a one night stand was more than my husband ever gave to me.

The only sex I've had since STBX is strictly internet based (because it is someone I know and care about, I am still not sure about connecting with new people) but I am just giddy with it. I'm trying to be careful because I'm definitely needy, but for now I'm loving it. I will no longer apologize for what I love! I love fantasy novels (the last Wheel of Time came out today which adds to my general excitement), and sci fi, and politics, and theater, and sex!
Maleficent77 Maleficent77 31-35, F 6 Responses Jan 8, 2013

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That's a great idea for a group, "I am a sex geek"!
...And yes, I geek out on lots of things-get filled with childish delight...you notice a lot of artsy-fartsy people seem a bit childlike because they know how to play.

Wonderful definition of a geek! I loved dating and I got married after a few ultimatums. I often wonder why I did. Oh well....Life goes on and so I found a lover whom reads sci-fi (our weekend conversation was all about his latest reads) We watch Star Trek whenever possible and I doing amazing things to his torpedo bay. Seriously, the intellectual conversation is nearly as fun as the sex.

If you start a new group, "I am a Sex Geek" I will join it. Outstanding story!!!

xo

-MR

Sounds very familiar. Out of the many and varied excuses and ruses my W used for putting me off, was the slightly superior and demeaning hints that enthusiasm for sex and making out and naked playfulness was kind of immature - what people do while they're still in college - an implicit "aren't you past that a bit...?".

Ah,I remember this - I recall the stbx reckoned I was less spiritually evolved and aware than her, hence my fixation on sexual intimacy.

Sexless marriages really do seem to create their own worlds of distorted reality, and the ironies can be jaw dropping.


My own W has spent many years involved with organisations that work with domestic abuse issues. When I finally cleared my head and called it quits, her defences crumbled, and she had to momentarily face what she was - an abusive spouse. She'd often tried to paint me in those colours - she was good at spotting and exploiting inner guilts and weaknesses. Briefly, she was disarmed, mortified and ashamed.


Now though, she's working on rebuilding her self esteem (I guess her therapist might be guiding this). So it's now partially my fault. Recent angles have been that I should have 'made' her go and see an analyst (really?! - she leapt on that one when I mentioned, at the one couples session we attended, that I felt guilty that I somehow hadn't found a way to make her go); and another one she tells me is that I bear some responsibility because I could have left - she claims several people have told her this, including her therapist, although somehow I suspect it's not a standard response they give out at domestic abuse centres...

i too am a geek who loves to read, sing, (out loud!), giggle, laugh, smile, and it strikes me how much your h, my h, and, i am sure, plenty of other repressive (repressed?) refusing spouses have squelched, suppressed, and made we the refused feel bad, less than, abnormal, weird, or otherwise "other" simply because we exhibit passion/ardor for simple aspects of life.

it also strikes me: next time i encounter any one with a (shall we say) less than enthusiastic response to my or my daughter's natural and situation-appropriate exuberance & appreciation for any aspect of life? i plan to speedily distance myself/us.

You should never apologize for you love. I hope you have a lot of wonderful things in your future becuase it seemsyou gave up a lot of things you loved. Good Luck.